Ms. emotions

Be it relationship or Marriage........you learn on the Job

2011-02-05T19:58:00.002+01:00

......but you have to get the fundamentals right first, after which you get to learn on the Job.

Being married really isn’t as scary as some say…..

2009-06-15T15:22:00.000+01:00

Every where you go these days, people seem to be singing the same song, saying the same thing, seeing same thing ……..how horrible marriage is , has become, will become or worse.

I really can’t say there aren’t bad marriages out there, but then there also are beautiful marriages out there. If this is the case, why then do we have so much noise on bad marriages?

are these deliberate attempts at scaring the singles away from marriage by those involved in the so called bad marriages?

are those who feel they can no longer tolerate their marriage hence gone the divorce root trying to justify there actions?

are single girls really looking for excuse to remain single and justify being single?

As I type away, I can’t seem to find an answer that quite fit.

There are beautiful marriages out there to which some can attest to quite alright, but why are we not hearing the good song out loud and clear?

Hmmph ! It’s so much headache having to listen too much to these negative songs when we all know that there are some positive songs out there on marriages even here in Nigeria. Ha ha ha, I had to say it that way cos lately, there seem to be a misconception that happily married couples in Nigeria hardly exist as any which is seen, it is either the woman have to be taking so much shit or is just enduring the marriage itself.

Ms. Emotion is back after taking a necessary leave of absence. Am sorry I vanished the way I did, it was not pre meditated I can tell you. A very big congrats to the mommies in the house and the new mommies to be, no need to mention names now rite? So, I believe every body is doing gr8.

… a very good evening to you all.

Regards

Ms. emotions

communication !!!!!!

2008-12-11T10:18:00.000+01:00

How free are you with your partner?

How often do you both have a ‘hearth – to – hearth’ ……not necessarily something meaningful?

Do you close up all communication ‘avenue’ unknowingly?

There is a silent question which we ladies scare to ask, some people are ignorant of its existence while some are in denial, hmmmmph!
A lot of us choose not to discuss it while some simply believe it dose not exist,

Some will go extra miles to discuss how they are 110% it won’t happen…….
Some can even swear it has never happened; but the truth of the matter remains….no body bargains for it.

It can be both ways, its not just a man’s thing, women are involved too, while I believe in gender equality, I also am of the school that men can never be women,

Communication, how well you discuss issues with open minds allows you to feel each other out on each other’s opinions, reasons, ideologies and possibility of its occurrence,

With the men, just like my humble self, its better not to give them the slightest hint that we realize these things can actually happen………..

CHEATING, INFIDELITY, etc

So many names have been coined out for it now, some even have some ready made excuses for it, some even have gone as far as promoting it with some stupid scientific backings, while we all should kick against it, let’s not be ignorant of the fact….

It happens …

But with communication and being very watchful you can do something about it, a woman they say, is responsible for keeping a home….her home

A woman claims her husband has been cheating, note ‘has been cheating’ not cheated, on her and has a 5months old son,

All I could ask was….how come you never knew?
He surly must spend some quality time with the other woman?
You never knew? What did you do with the signs? I never saw any she replied, ha! I was flabbergasted!

But a woman should know these little signs ,,,,,,,,was all I could say

cheers

An ailing relationship will always have one or more of the following symptoms

2008-11-26T14:33:00.002+01:00

· You have a feeling of continuous frustration about the relationship
· (E.g., your emotional needs are not being met)
· You’re finding more reasons to spend time apart
· You’re being physically abused
· You’re being emotionally abused
· You no longer have strong feelings about your partner but reminisce about the feelings you used to have
· You’ve changed your core values, beliefs and goals to accommodate your partner in hopes that your relationship will no longer be problematic
· You’ve made drastic changes in your appearance hoping your partner will find you more attractive
· You have a growing feeling of emptiness
· You’ve put extreme distance or totally cut off former close relationships you used to have with your other friends and/or family

How to make the final decision...The most pragmatic way is to make a list with two columns. One that lists the positive attributes of your relationship and one that lists the negative. Next, itemize the good and bad parts of your relationship honestly. Sometimes seeing a concrete list where one column is much longer than the other will help you see your situation more objectively hence making it easier to end a relationship that no longer brings you joy and fulfills your needs. Relationships should add to your quality of life—not subtract from it

His friends………how do they relate with you?

2008-11-20T10:49:00.003+01:00

How a man presents you to his friends determines how they treat you yeah? No?

Am of the opinion that from the way a man presents you to his friends you will be able to tell how much he loves you and what he is up to.

Men show their love differently, while some of them are very passionate when they love, some just love, though one may be tempted to say it all about luck, but I strongly believe it has to do with YOU.

Now, in the early days of your relationship, what sort of impression / vibes were you giving out to him when it came to love?

Some of us unknown to us portray ourselves as those not capable of reciprocating love or actually receiving and treasuring love in a bid to prove that we are independent. This is usually seen during the early days of a relationship, those periods when you are bent on ‘making him see the need to stick with you’?
Yeah!

Like I explained in one of my previous posts, a man knows exactly what he wants from you the moment he sets his eyes on you, it dose not really matter how hard you try to win him over, he has an impression already when he approached you, however, he also pays attention to some minor details which serve to either encourage him or discourage him completely. In other words, there really is no need giving out the ‘ice queen’ vibe as this goes along way to determine the kind of love your man will have for you or do I say it goes a long way to determine how sensitive your man will be showing his love.

Your first and subsequent meeting with his friends gives away what he really feels for u, cos, whether you like it or not he has ‘presented’ you to his friends long before you met them.

so always be on your guard when u meet with his friends the very first time, are they very respectful and refrain from all forms of male banters? or otherwise? Do they have this sheepish looks on their faces?

Its ur call, you decide what you do next,

Ms. Emotions was unavoidably away due to some private matters I cant disclose here, but its not a problem, just something that needed to take me away for a while, me and mine are well, how have you all been? and yours?
Four the past 13hours I been ‘around’ cant find afrobabe???
Iyawo oluwadee is very well I know, fff has gone what ….well an author…lol, nice work, the rest of my blog fam, am visiting soonest,

Compliments of the season!!!!

DOSE IT MATTER WHEN YOU SAY YES?

2008-09-02T10:52:00.000+01:00

Hello people,

Am back again with my controversial (didn’t say so myself oo) topics,
I know am suppose to do the concluding part of ‘ a little push wont hurt’, I just got this hot topic for ‘our’ discussion, please feel free to discuss at full length using the comment corner so we can all trash this out.

So, dose it matter how soon you say yes to a man?

Dose it determine the success of the relationship?

Some people believe that playing ‘hard to get’ like we all did in our secondary school days makes a relationship better or should I say gives it more chances for survival.

But ms. Emotions says it doesn’t matter really how soon you say yes to a man’s ‘toasting’ or ‘wooing’ cos she said YES on the very first day after the very first lunch !!

So wat say you?

Relationship and its success is dependent on a whole lot of factors and how soon you say yes is not one of them so long you are sure he is wat you want and all you want in a man, please be free to differ completely in your opinion.

Enjoy the rest of the week,

Ms. Emotions

A little push won’t hurt ………..

2008-08-26T08:26:00.002+01:00

Let me start by apologizing sincerely for my absence, it indeed was due to some ‘stuff’ beyond my control but its ok now, I ve learnt to delegate, so will be doing blog rounds now.

I also would like to state here categorically that Ms. Emotions is just my blog name, the fact that I don’t come out to tell my private affairs doesn’t mean I don’t have any. This blog I started just to put up some excerpts from my book (work – in – progress), and as you all know, its actually difficult writing and completing a book, not just any book, I mean realistic approach to relationship issues, so this blog I see as an avenue to improve on some of the things I ve in there already, especially using some opinion / comments from readers. So you can imagine how pissed off I was when some anon asked a careless question ….’With all these advice, how come you are still single’?

Just to set the records straight, am very much taken, I mean not single at all, in fact my man actually reads this blog and we discuss some issues I raise here at home.

We all blog for different reasons, some blogs are personal diaries, and all, but this one is like my mini book, you know like a column where I can be free, having said that, I think we best move to some better things …..

A little push won’t hurt…….

Do you believe that most men are naturally a bit scared of commitment especially when you try crowding them up and at the same time asking for a long time commitment?

Yes……it’s true or so I believe……please feel free to differ in your opinion

ones you are able to establish that a man truly cares deep enof for you, if he has got all you want in a man, it wont hurt to push him forward a little but you really have to be careful and know how hard to push him if you want commitment.

How do you push a man along the part of commitment without over pushing him?

Hmmm, there really is no hard and fast rule here other than that you need to know the kind of person he is and then maybe do a few of these:

If you have mutual friends that are committed already, once in a while bring up discussion that involves them, you know, how happy they are, how unsure the were before really hooking up, and some fun things they do together.

Please, no man wants you to bottle him up without giving him a sense of freedom especially while trying to get him to commit to you. So give the space he graves.

Commitment to men means they are not able to appreciate other women’s looks, make some (dirty) jokes….wow! ‘See those lovely boobs’…lol, they can’t hang out freely ones in a while with the boys…prove him wrong!

be consistent in your ‘want’ not telling him you want A from him today and then tomorrow its B

we are Africans, fine, majority of us ladies are thoroughly schooled these days but its indeed our culture to be homely and humble without being stupid, you really need to do this as no man wants a woman who will end up being the man in the house while he becomes the woman .

…….to be contd

Cheers

Where you meet counts

2008-07-17T13:15:00.002+01:00

So, I was thinking, aloud I guess cos I was muttering to myself, didn’t really realize I was doing that, I had an investor right in front of me, I could not wait for him to leave my office, am excited and do you know why?

Ok, I was discussing with one of my gals, she is single and searching, not those single and not searching thingy that most gals claims, she truly is searching.
She is been single and searching and not searching, only to be searching after a few weeks or a month for a while now.

What the gist was all about?

Please my friend, I was saying to her, calm down, relax your nerves and stop looking in the wrong places, I feel your pain but I have always been of the opinion that where you meet your man\woman to a large extent determines the success or otherwise of that relationship. I guess she has not been listening.

Without meaning to be immodest, I have been opportune to discuss a lot of relationship issues with partners, spouses, and have come to the conclusion that where you meet indeed has a role to play in the success or otherwise of your relationship. And I speak not for the fun of it; in fact, all I write and post on this blog are based on people’s experiences, personal, and what I see happening around.

Let’s take a few practical examples; do you expect sincerely to have a successful relationship with a man or woman that wooed you while in a relationship?

Do you seriously think you did be happy and have a good relationship with a girl you picked up at some unknown or indecent clubs\pubs\strip club?

Do you honestly believe that a man you went after in a ‘very obvious to the eye’ manner will propose to you shortly?

How about a man that sits on your street all day waiting for someone to toast? I mean, do you think when he finally toasts you and you have one or two things then you have him for keeps? He won’t go seeking for another?

These are just a few of practical examples, you don’t suppose you will meet and angel good enough for you on a sex website now do you? Or some dirty chat rooms?

No offence meant to anybody but I tell you this, who people perceive you to be is a function most times of where you are found and what you tend to do atimes.

A man or gal in search of fun meets someone in all these places mentioned above, assumes they are there for what he or she is there for and then kicks some fun without strings attached and you seriously believe something decent will come out of it?

Forget it, it dose not work like that,

I really didn’t mean to come out so angry, but these friends of mine are pissing me off with this ‘no taking correction attitude’ of theirs and they expect to change their status shortly…..i hope she listens this time

Regards,

Ms.emmotions

Don’t be scared of being alone…….at least……

2008-07-03T09:39:00.002+01:00

It is a sweet and wonderful feeling when it’s done right, you even get to enjoy it more when it’s true and original, you tend to float if the feeling is reciprocated, its especially beautiful when you find the right the person to love.

Love is a tender feeling that shouldn’t bring constant sorrow, if you have to worry always about loosing it then it may not be worth it, if it causes you to loose focus then it may not be worth it, then if its not worth it, it definitely is not right for you and if its not right then you have not found your own true love …..Yet

Sometimes it’s okay to be alone, to have a breathing space so as to have a clear head to ascertain if you should go ahead especially if what you call love brings you constant pain.

Be mindful of the attitude of those you claim to love, if they are not constant in their ‘show’ of love for you, I mean if they blow hot and cold then may be you need to be alone ….at least for while to determine if its worth keeping after all.
Being in love and in a relationship shouldn’t be a competition, don’t be in a rush to leave your solitude, be careful those you choose to love that they may be those worthy of your love.

I know what am talking about when I tell you to be mindful of the love that brings you sorrow, you may be surprised to find that this particular love is not for you, if you can be alone for a bit, if you can wait a little, be alone for a while without being scared and rushed, you did find your own true love….that I promise you and its always worth the wait

Be weary of those men that tells you that men are not suppose to be as passionate as women in love, it’s a two way street dear, your own true love will indeed be passionate when you find it, it will be worth waiting for, It will teach you what love is, the idea is, not forcing it, don’t torment yourself unnecessarily, if it aren’t love then, it cant be like it.

My one kobo,

Regards,
Ms.emotions

'ask Ms.emotions'

2008-06-17T13:02:00.006+01:00

hello peeps,

i ve been so very absent from blogvile and do offer my sincere apologies to all my favorite peeps. i ve few dayz break now so i ve decided to go round and catch up all ur updates.

i want to introduce something called 'ask Ms.emotions', its going to be an open interaction for readers, i want to hear from you on things i ve written, things u want to read about or verify all these u can do on 'ask Ms.emotions week' - 3rd week of the month.

so its 'ask Ms.emotions' week, i want so much to hear from you guys, let see if we can learn while having fun....lol

while you are at it, enjoy .......

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Zimbabwe, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store Roman">ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:Floor 5These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

cheers

NB ; u can ask ur question by way of comment or email please

love and reality........

2008-05-30T09:44:00.004+01:00

Background;

Love is friendship that has “caught” fire overtime while infatuation is an instant fire or an instant desire.
It becomes dangerous to differentiate love and infatuation in the early stage of a relationship, say in the first few weeks of a relationship. This is the stage I like to call the “formation stage”. Needless to say that love its self starts with a strong sexual attraction for the opposite sex – a strong sexual attraction itself can be called infatuation hence the difficulty is discerning what you feel within the first to few weeks of starting a relationship.

What I call the formation stage is that period where a man tries to discover what he feels for you or what he wants to do with you. This is the stage where if its love, he starts developing some sorta emotional attachment to you which in no time blossoms into love, while if he is just sexually interested he acts so obvious that it isn’t hard for you to tell that he is infatuated.

After about a month of being in a relationship with a man, you must be able to look out for the signs that tells u what he feels for you, is it love or infatuation? Your inner instinct will tell you.

If a man is infatuated, as a lady, you will be able to tell by accessing how he acts when you are together. Is he always looking forward to ending it in intimacy? Always wanting to ‘get it’ from you? Is that all he looks forward to each time you are together, if yes, the guy is only sexually attracted to you which in most cases is termed infatuation. This though is not the end of the world really as most guys find sexual attraction coming on strong to them before love dose. in essence, a guy sexually attracted to you can turn around and feel deep love for you in the long run. But the fear is that he may just remain infatuated and overtime just like the attraction dies a natural death and he takes off.

Love on the other hand takes a root and grows one day at a time, if a guy is in love with you, each time you are together he feel quite relaxed and always is on the look out for fun and exciting activities u can involve yourselves while you are together. He is more interested in things that affects and matters to you and how they affect you. Love they say lights up a man so much so that you really will not have to ask if he loves or loves you not.

Love and reality
Ms emotions preaches love and cant help being happy when she sees those that are genuinely in love however, reality/practicality should be the watch word when it comes to love and relationships

Sometimes we are blinded by the feeling explained above that we tend to make hasty decisions,

You want so much to be in a relationship that you don’t mind giving up your source of livelihood to be with your significant other even when you don’t have other means of survival, how practical is this? is he or she able to sustain you in the long run?

You so much want to be in a relationship with the one you claim to love that you don’t mind being with someone you know quite alright you can’t have a future together but u did rather go on hoping a miracle happens. how real are u?

You are with perhaps a man you cloth and feed with no future prospects yet you hang on so as to be in a relationship, is this practical? How long do u hope to go on with this?

A guy or a gal is presently enjoying some benefits being with you, its obvious these benefits might cease when they no longer are with u and you ask them, do u love me? Of course yes! What else do u expect? Cut off the benefits and you definitely will get the true answer.

Conclusion

All am tryin to say here is that you guard your love and always be practical in loving, take your time so that when you finally are in love it will be worth the wait.

Cheers

FLORIDA'S UPDATE ON TAGGIN

2008-05-27T09:23:00.004+01:00

6 quirks about Ms.emmotions

Tagging …..Agrrrrrhh

I was tagged by Florida herself

Rules

Link the person who tagged you…

Mention the rules in your blog

Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...

Tag 6 bloggers by linking them

Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Here we go,

I like knowing wats going on in everybody’s love life..well those around me… u know like knowin if there is anything I can do to improve on it and blah blah..its actually a weaknesss

Ms.emmotions cant stop talking about relationship issues….nah ! she cant help it

She is very secretive…well not so very secretive ,, just like saying things only when am 100% sure about them

She is a very free person and get irritated by people with attitude problem

am most likely to converse with u in pidgin unless in a corporate environment or when I want u to know the money spent on my education by my parents wasn’t wasted …lol

I get infuriated by sloppy people, act or action….my mum thinks am impatient..really bad she says

I don’t know who to tag yet, stil thinking…..

So sorry I been away, really had some personal stuff I had to take kare of, I appreciate all of your love and most gr8ful I am.

will post something shortly

Cheers
Ms emmotions

10 DON’Ts WHEN DEALING WITH A NEW ‘CATCH’

2008-05-06T14:22:00.004+01:00

So florida finally succeeded in taggin me, am not sure I even know what it means but will defianately do something about it, just wondering how I can be truthful while maintaining my anonymity status …..lol

So you finally have a new catch, what shouldn’t you do?

1 .Please people, the first thing you need to know is you should get rid of all those relationship advice you either have heard or read, it messes things up, so don’t number one is FORGET the relationship jargons you gathered previously or better still apply wisdom.

2. Don’t you start playing hard to get again after you ve said YES, leave yourself to enjoy the flow, laugh all you want, call when you feel like it, fart if you want, you are asked out on a date? Go if you have the time, enjoy it, feel free to tell your likes and dislikes, have Fun, and enjoy it while you have it.

3. Don’t forget that ones a person genuinely likes you and or your personality they will keep hanging around you, they disappear only when you don’t suit their need ( they may be looking for a fucc buddie….borrowed term from Soupasexy, lol)

4. Don’t appear desperate please, forget all the factors considered, let the relationship decide for itself if its has come to stay or not ( you do this by doing all what No. 2 says, the guy or gal decides if you are what they want or not and its best if they did that on time, it saves you the hassles of hanging on for unnecessary long period of time say 3month and above)

5. Don’t compromise or become overtly agreeable to things you don’t like so as to keep him or her in the early days of a relationship, you might end up having to deal with this always.

6.Don’t bare your baggage yet, you know telling how badly you been dealt with by the male or female folks? Please leave this out until the faith of the relationship is determined.

7. Don’t play dumb here, find out if this person has an existing significant other, snoop if you have to, and remember a guy or gal that cheats on a significant other to be with you will definitely cheat on you to be with another, in fact you they may want you just for distraction.

8. again, don’t play dumb, call at all possible odd times to substantiate 7 above, don’t accept the ‘ mama says no guys or gals in the house’ line, it’s a line from the ‘playing’ booklet, don’t fall for it !

9. Don’t ignore you intuition here, don’t ignore warnings from friends, if 89 people from your 100 fans is of the opinion he or she is bad , plzzzzzzzz be on your guard

10. Don’t mix it up, ones someone is right for you, you definitely will know, somehow you did feel right about them, it’s that simple, in your heart of hearts, you probably know when you are wrong or right, just might not be ready to accept it ...yet.

Cheers,
Ms.emotions

How much is too much to pay for happiness?

2008-04-29T08:17:00.002+01:00

What price would be ‘termed too much’ to pay for happiness?

Life everyone keeps saying is too short but I never get to hear how one can make the most out of life.

I was told a story few days ago about how a young woman almost got herself killed by a conductor just because she was fighting for her right, funny how people can go any length to fight for their so called right even at the expense of their life. eye witness where of the opinion that the young woman in question indeed was fighting for her right when the conductor decided to peer her up wit some other passenger for change after paying the bus fare, but the trauma and ‘blows’ she suffered in the hands of this conductor am sure would have been more in comparison to her change, I mean when valued in monetary terms.

This is just one of the scenarios in life where you find people going any length just to establish the fact that they are right, educated, tough, or superior at the expense of their happiness.

Am going to go as usual the route of relationships and marriages, personally I don’t get it, how can we in the bid to prove our superiority forget this life is so short and enjoy it while we have it?

All these bring me to my question ‘how much is too much to pay for happiness?

Really how much is too much to pay for happiness?
Have you ever sat down to worry about how much emphasis we place on some things that are no so material after all?

A lot of married men/women these days find it easier to move out of their matrimonial home than compromise just a little,
A lot of relationships hit the rock these days just because neither of the parties is willing to take little inconvenience,
A lot of families are permanently separated now because no one is willing to come out and say am sorry, lets make peace,
A lot of people these days are perpetually unhappy because of one apology they ought to either have made or accepted in the past,

So what if you choose to be happy and take just a little inconvenience?
Will this make you a lesser person?
Will it really affect who you are now or who you turn out to be in future?
If the genuine answers to these are NO, so why not indulge a little just to be happy?

Compromise,

For us to be all round successful in life, at one point or another, we would find ourselves having to compromise however little, a relationship can not be completely successful if you don’t give or sow into it, sometimes we find that our partners are not exactly what we want them to be, more so when you begin to compare them to others, but is there really perfection anywhere I ask?

Perfection is given birth to by making seem perfect people’s imperfection, you did soon realize that by having compromised a little you are able to get the best out people and before long they begin to appear perfect to you.

The don’ts of compromise

The list is endless, so suffix it is to say, ensure you don’t compromise way to much to box yourself into a permanent corner cos if you do, you would find yourself the only one doing all the compromise, you have to balance this, at first it may not be easy to achieve but with constant ‘work’ on this, you should attain a balance in no time, the key tho is ensure you attain a balance for you both or all of you.

Regards,

Ms.emotions

GETTING OVER AN OLD FLAME SO AS TO CATCH ANOTHER FLAME!

2008-04-14T13:45:00.003+01:00

Hey peep,
Something similar to this has been going round some of my favorite blogs, oluwadee’s Nigeriandramaqueen’s and a couple of others, so I decided to contribute my 2 cents to this.

There is no point remaining or maintaining contact with an old flame……period!

I mean, what is even the definition of an old flame?
Isn’t suppose to be someone you once felt something for or vice versa?
Once, meaning its history for one or two reasons right?
And its either they broke up with you or did…..right?
If you broke up with them, it only means there were one or two things they either were doing or not doing right or aren’t right for you generally …..Isn’t?

If they did the breaking up, it only means you either are not good enof for them or you weren’t doing something right,

Now its even worst if they cheated and you caught them or you cheated they caught you , either way, you begged they refused which makes sense to me or they begged and you refused which still makes sense to me, so wat now?

Why would you after all these keep contact with them or allow them contact you at will?

To me thats bullshit (excuse my language pls , I really try to watch it) ,
You could not stand them, why not blank them now they are history so as to catch another flame?

The truth of the matter is this,
The longer you maintain contact with them, the longer it takes you to catch another fire or if you have already, you wont seem to appreciate them, you tend to compare, tend to even miscalculate i.e, you almost feel you are cheating on ur spouse, and this may become a major problem,

I tell people this, the moment a relationship collapses, the feelings should die a natural death, otherwise you are left wit a lot of head ache to deal with,

Yes its not easy, but the idea is this, they don’t deserve you, if they did, they would have stayed / kept you or you wouldn’t have broken up with them….vice versa ….loll

Awww, anonymous gal, not too much my dear, not too much at all, you know I luv u all loads, and to you my other frds, prisca, oluwadee, guerreiranigeriana, uzezi,najichic,nija chickito, DL, jinta, james, fantasy, for the love of me, Florida, oh dear ! so many , all of you that come here, those of u that leave comments, those of u that don’t, you guys make me happy and willing to do more,

Cheers
Ms.emotions

How soon is too soon to have sex in a relationship?

2008-04-02T16:53:00.006+01:00

So am back and here is what I ve got

From the biblical perspective, one should not have sex unless they have been joined together as husband and wife as anything outside that amounts to fornication..?

That’s from the bible teaching, but what obtains practically we all know is otherwise,
Couples these days meet and boom! they have sex ,some same day, some after a week or maybe two and most often than not such relationship crumbles even before it sees the light of the day.

Whether to have sex before marriage or not if both partners are thinking of marriage is personal to them, I mean its their decision to make, however how soon they decide to have this sex is what we are discussing here as am not about to preach on abstinence or encourage sex outside marriage.

A lot of people ve different ideas as to when its OK to have sex in a relationship, while some school believe its not really important when you choose to have sex in a relationship another school believes you shouldn’t even have sex at all until you are legally married .

That some relationship when entered into for the wrong reasons crumbles after having sex for a couple of times is no news, so then when is the right time to have sex in a relationship to make it ‘work’?

The truth of the matter is that a relationship that wont last / work cant be made to last /work by having sex either too soon or not having sex at all, however a relationship that is built on sex tends to end quicker than others especially when sex is initiated say the first few days of the relationship. A relationship should be allowed to ‘grow’ without sex as its basic foundation.

Most times sex complicates issues, you did soon realize you both are in the relationship for the wrong reasons and have no choice but to end it,
I smile when I have people approach me with the familiar line…..he used me and dumped me….not that the line itself is funny, just that you only get used when you give room to be used. True, a lot of men these days can embrace abstinence while getting their sexual gratification some other place; one should be wise when going about these things especially when you have marriage on your card otherwise please ignore this post.

Both of you should discuss what suits you, whether to abstain or indulge but I would advise you leave sex out of a relationship until you get to know each other well enof, find your interests in your partner, see if you can deal with their person or their life style, be sure you are convinced that you can handle him or her before introducing sex, sex coulds your judgment most times, that’s why you find some people being in a relationship for say one month and immediately after sex is initiated the relationship comes crashing down,

Please be guided,

Finally out,

Regards,

Ms. Emotions

QUESTION TIME

2008-04-02T07:55:00.004+01:00

How soon is too soon to have sex in a relationship?????

I will be back

Best regards,

Ms.Emotions

How often do we jump into conclusion and how healthy is this?

2008-03-27T08:17:00.003+01:00

Thank you all for your honest opinion/comment on the last post, most of the comment took new angles that I couldn’t help agreeing to…..mostly.
I have been away, far away to my home town and I tell you this, mr. laptop refused to function, well not exactly, I messed up my internet provider big time.

How often do we jump into conclusions and how healthy is this?

Its something we all do especially the female folks, it comes easily, little suspicions here and there and with our all-purpose judgment, we conclude and most times these conclusions of ours borders on the assumed facts we ve gathered or having been gathering which probably is or was as a result of one or two slips from our spouses, friends and even family.

Most times, circumstances make our assumptions almost right and if care is not taken we act on these false assumptions and most often than not we reject the truth even when its staring straight on into our face.

Have you ever been in a situation where you find that you have all the facts or say almost all the facts that point an accusing finger at someone?
This someone could be your friends, family or spouse?
Before you take that action of yours please take a moment and do these------

ask yourself if your assumptions are just coincidence, what if its just a play of chance?
consider all the various angles to the issue on ground
give the person a benefit of doubt
imagine yourself in the same position and what you would have done
don’t go attacking without hearing the person out , be sure of your facts, take time to reconfirm them before you take a decision

Some of the scenarios that arouse your suspicions and jump you into conclusion:

you call up your spouse…almost at odd time and or she is not picking…….killer one I tell you…lol
you were suppose to hang out or go out and he or she is no where to be found.......
you call his or her line and a stranger picks up…….
you call and the line is switch off ,..,….when it ought not
the list is endless

a thousand and one reasons may be given for the above scenarios and of course our suspicions may be CORRECT but most times they areWRONG,
Relationships and marriages greatest killer …..Suspicion.

well all am trying to say here is that we take our time in handling these kind of issues as sometimes we may just have a false alarm, take your time to hear people out without sounding suspicious and you never can tell what info they will drop….eventually for your use.

So have you ever been in a situation where you could ve sworn you were CORRECT (your suspicions) but end up being WRONG?

Share with us please?

Regards,
Ms. Emotions

Respect will always love but love will not always respect!! !

2008-03-11T08:15:00.002+01:00

Interesting comments I got from the last post, like I had expected , opinions differs as we humans differs but on this particular issue we have to attain a common ground …its either its love or respect, like u can’t be a man and woman at the same time no matter how sweet it is being both

Every relationship and even marriage requires an ingredient that I term a must have, u know like some fashion items that we ladies call “a must have”, u don’t have it then u don’t belong to the ‘us’ club so also is this ingredient and like I have always said any and every thing I mention here on this blog dose not and will never be the only key to a successful relationship however, its role in enhancing the relationship can never be over emphasized.

RESPECT is the must have in every relationship, what you all forgot was that respect is never earned without an atom of love in the content, no matter how small it is, no man or woman will respect you as an individual if they don’t have an atom of love for you, while love they say conquers all Respect holds up the forth,

What happens when love has conquered all, I mean what happens afterwards? The unifying factor I mean?

At first, love makes all things seem perfect, after a while those imperfection that were covered by love begins to manifest itself and only respect at this point in time will keep you both together. Love is a gentle feeling, its comes with natural powers that makes you feel special, you feel loved and cherished, it makes you a happier person but it never make imperfections perfect, after the thrilling effect of love wears out, those things about your partner you had hither to refused to acknowledge comes hunting you, to some extent the burning fire of your love dimes, and if respect is absent in such a relationship, it is only a matter of time before it packs up.

A man or woman can never respect his or her partner without an element of likeness or even love, you cant respect who you can,t develop love for, its in the act of respect that you appreciate people better, you begin to like them and even fall for them in the long run.

How do you explain the fact that a man, who claims to love his wife dearly, raises his hands at the slightest provocation to hit her? This man feels genuine love for his wife no doubt but what he lacks is respect, no man that has respect for his wife will raise his hands on that woman or another woman for that matter because by virtue of his respect for her, he has developed same for women generally.

Respect will always love but love will not always respect, some people are fortunate to have it the other way round, a partner that loves them and has some little respect for them but this is not applicable to all. mostly respect will always come in form of caring, its respect that makes a man even if promiscuous hide his activities from his woman whereas a woman can actually love a man and have the impetus to bring another man to the house to have sex, she tells you its just for the fun of it, nothing attached, and really there may be nothing attached to that action of hers and she may not even realize it will hurt her man when he finds out because she never had respect for him.

When you respect people, you respect all they want, you respect their feelings, you respect their views, you respect their actions, and you respect what they call their dos and don’ts, in the process of which you come to love them, while on the other hand you can love and not be able to respect them, not because you don’t want to but because you don’t know how to, at the early stage this may go unnoticed but when love dimes as I hate to say it dies because I don’t believe it dose, those things you fail to notice, will begin to matter a lot and if care is not taken, may end up destroying the relationship.

So here we are, it’s always …………RESPECT it’s the unifying factor,

Cheers all

OUESTION TIME

2008-03-02T12:01:00.000+01:00

Hey people,

I have something I have been meaning to discuss here or should I say …….share with you all but first, am asking for your opinions and views , so please feel free to air your view without inhibition or whatsoever on this matter.

Here it goes

WHAT WOULD YOU DESIRE MOST FROM YOUR PARTNER \ IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ………….

LOVE OR RESPECT?????????

Put on your thinking hat and let’s hear from you,

Do come back 2weeks from now for a mind blowing revelation.

Best regards,

Ms, Emotions

The power of ……..Tradition

2008-02-19T14:53:00.004+01:00

Val has come and gone, hope you all had loads of fun with ya friends, family, spouses et al?
So, in the spirit of val, who got shagged? Proposed to? Proposed? Hooked? Dumped? hehehe

Ok, ok, let’s drop that and do something serious here.

A lot of people don’t know that doing things in a particular way, at a particular time, in a particular fashion, with a particular expression can do a lot to relationships and marriages.

Some people call them routine things, I call them tradition….in fact I call them keeping tradition.
Has someone ever done something so spontaneously that you begin to be on the look out for repetition of such actions?

Let’s go back to the earliest days of marriages and relationships, relationships they say are sweeter when they are new, have you asked yourself one the things that makes a relationship more interesting, engaging and exciting than the later days of a relationship/marriages?

There are some things we find ourselves doing when we are either newly married or in a new relationship. If you note properly, there is continuity in such thing for say the first few weeks or there about after which unconsciously we begin to drop them. A relationship is headed for the rocks the moment you become complacent, you will have a lot more on your hands the moment you become comfy with what you have achieved so far.

There is power in keeping tradition, such traditions when properly developed becomes a thing to look forward to, it becomes an action or activity depending on what it is that we subconsciously look forward to and crave.

Phone calls

Have you ever heard of the line, doing small things in a big way?
So it is with phone calls in relationships and marriages,
Do you know that calling your spouse at a particular time in a day, making a tradition out of it, makes him or her always look forward to that call or those calls?
It’s not really about calling randomly; it has to do with making a tradition out of such calls. You call him or her up randomly say two or three times in a day, fine, when such calls is reduced, he or she may not even notice due to the randomness of your calls. But should you make one out of such calls a tradition, i.e. you call for like a week at exactly 8am, any day you do not make this routine call, your spouse if connected to you would be put on enquiry.
The beautiful thing about this routine call biz is it strays your spouse’s thoughts unconsciously to you and you know what this means right?

Light kisses / hugs

Newly weds have it in their heads to always welcome their man home at least for the first few weeks of marriages with light kisses and hugs after which this is discarded. Do you know that making a tradition out of this little action of yours can go along way to bring you guys closer? I mean, it becomes an action your spouse looks forward to each day, it becomes an action that when it’s not done or carried out makes your spouse begin to wonder if something was wrong?

Pet names

Of course we all have pet names for our spouses. A lot of couples in the heat of arguments or fights drop the pet name thing and go neutral. This is something that should not be encouraged at all, when you adopt a pet name for your spouse, you make a tradition out of it, ensure it becomes not just a tradition but one you intend to keep no matter the ups or downs. A pet name shouldn’t be used only when you are in the mood to, it should be like a second name for your spouse reserved just for your use.

The power of tradition…..

Darlyn, you didn’t call me when you usually do today, I waited for you to call and when I didn’t hear from you, I became worried and decided to call, are you ok?

Darlyn, no kisses nor hugs for me today is everything ok with you?

Stanley / blessing? are you ok darlyn? I can’t remember when last you called me by my name, is everything ok with you?

These are some reactions to be expected when a real tradition is broken or deviated from. Making tradition out of your little actions brings you and your spouse closer; it enhances communication which is the key to any successful marriage or relationship. These are little things we tend over look especially when not properly initiated into a relationship. Keeping tradition is like developing a bad habit, you have to nurture it, build and develop it, ensure continuity and good timing, make sure you partner understands that its meant to be a tradition by its continuity.

Initiating tradition where there use to be none may take a little work, you may have to put in about 2-3 weeks into it before you begin to reap from it, depending how close both of you are. There are no little things these days, a lot of factors determines the success or otherwise of a relationship.

There are just so many little things that one can make a tradition of, morning kisses, goodbye hugs, a shared joke, ensure you do at least one thing to make your partner smile or laugh in a day, little things you may think they are, but they are very potent for developing your love life especially when the excitement has worn off,

Cheerio

Will you marry me????????

2008-02-07T09:17:00.000+01:00

Overview

In this part of our world, the question – will you marry me? Is seen as a man’s duty, it’s a question that’s basically reserved for the male folks. It’s almost a taboo for a woman to propose to a man in Africa. The general idea is that a man proposes to a woman after he has convinced himself that she is a wife material. A woman on her part waits patiently for the man to pop the question – marry me please, it is believed that it dose not really matter if the woman is sure that the man will make a good husband, her opinion in this issue is seen as irrelevant hence the need to remain silent until the man either decides to make an honest woman of her or throw her out ….eventually.
Most women find themselves in a relationship that’s stagnant, they personally are aware that such relationship should be packed up but because of what they believe to be a ticking biological clock from certain age they stay put waiting, hoping for the man to pop the question that is if he ever dose at his own convenience.
A stagnant relationship is that which has out lived its usefulness, it is seen to remain at a particular level which due to some circumstances it can not cross.

From a man’s point of view

a man surely knows what he wants from a woman before he approaches her in the first instance, if a man is financially ok, with a good job, home and has attained a particular age usually from 30’s, he is deemed fit and ready to make a home. In some cases this maybe true but in some cases again this may not be so. Most men would prefer to settle down after seeing all the good things life has to offer in terms of women, all around the world, buzz etc. those men that falls within the first category would generally be looking and searching for a wife material to make a home but while searching for the wife material, they tend to chill with any available woman until they find what they are looking for. Most women unknown to them, are filling a temporary vacancy while the search continues for the men, the reason they remain in an undefined relationship for so long a time it takes the man to find his perfect match and then the question he has refused to ask all these while comes out – will you marry me?

My view

A woman should not necessarily propose to a man especially with the African setting and all but there indeed are subtle ways to go about these things at least to ascertain if you are not being used to fill a temporary position. When a woman is with a matured man (he is made and ready) for 1-2years and he is not making moves to formally introduce you to his folks neither is he interested in getting close to yours, this should put you on enquiry albeit in a subtly way – dear, when am I formally meeting your folks, am wondering what they look like? Dear, isn’t time for you to come home and at least see and know where mine are? From his reaction and responds to these questions you should be able to tell where you stand, am told that asking a man – will you marry me or not? It puts them at alert. Look for subtle ways to know what he really wants from you is he always talking of the future with you or he singles himself out? It’s very important. If he dose not seem ready to include you in his future plans, please pack him up, forget the ticking clock, wait for yours, he will surely come. Put your sensuality to good use, get a complete make over if you have to, just wait……and be happy while yours comes.

From a woman’s point of view

A woman knows a man she can settle down with, when a woman is ripe to make a home she is always anxious to settle down with the one she loves. It is uncommon for a woman to turn down a marriage proposal, it may not be an outright No, it may come in the form of – common dear, there really is no rush for this now, or in any other form of excuse, when as a man you hear these excuses, plus she has refused or in subtle manner told you you are not welcomed in their home – mummy will not permit male visitors and all that , as a man please find out if you are a temporary fixture in her life while she searches for her real man. Be subtle, it’s very important. If she turns you down once more, please refuse to be used temporarily, pack her up, you are a guy, act as such for pets sake! Get a grip and move on, search for yours for you will find her.

Conclusion

There really is no point hanging around a woman or a man that only wants you to fill a temporary gap while the search for the real one is on, you can save yourself the eventual pain and move on. Isn’t it better to be single for you better half to see and meet with you than to have a temporary fixture occupy your space?
When both parties in a relationship are matured enough, there really is no reason to be in a relationship for say 4-5years before ascertaining if you are meant for each other except of course you are both waiting for the right persons to propose to or accept their proposal.
Ciao
PS, many thanx for all your comments, work wont allow me post individual replies and am usually very useless by time I get home at night, please bear with me but be sure I read every one of them comments and appreciate them…..lol

How much should you tell your girlfriend?

2008-01-31T17:15:00.000+01:00

Am going to be very brief and precise cos we all know what am talking about…….

It has never happened to me, maybe because naturally am a bit secretive, but I know a lot of us girls have fallen victim.
Men are different some girls will say, I prefer to have a guy friend instead of a girlfriend। I do not have a close girlfriend others will say, but give me guy any day then am ok.

When you dig deep you did realize that most of these gals have been burnt by their so called friends and friendship। I belong to the school that preaches that you should guard your love jealously। I do not mean this as an offence to anybody, some gals can be vicious, they love only that which belongs to another, to them, it’s better and sweeter to go for your man first and then remember friendship later.

You take the mushy little details of your love life to them who are almost in a sour relationship and expect to get an applause from them?

I as a person appreciate my girlfriends, in fact I enjoy my friendship with them, but to me I have an unspoken agreement with my friends, yea, we don’t talk about it because we really don’t need to, the line is there, drawn deep into the sand, not made obvious, but with little hints, I tell you to mind your business when it comes to giving those details I feel are too personal in my love life।

Some may call it being too secretive others may see it as being paranoid, but the fact still remains that am able to keep my sanity। Yes, you get to keep your sanity; you are excused from having to worry your head about what your man dose or will do with your gal friend behind your back.

These things happens all the time, a best friend taking her friend’s man, a man getting married to an ex’s friend and all that, it would have meant nothing if both had met on a neutral ground, not through you, I think it hurts more when you realize that your friend got your man because you gave her a helping hand by divulging those sensitive information and details

Having a close friend (gal) that you tell everything is not the problem, telling her everything that happens between you and your man isn’t really the problem, how she handles this information is what the real problem is। Why not save yourself the headache of trying to figure that out by keeping a little for your use when giving your friend or friends your love gist?

I heard somewhere sometime ago that women when it comes to relationships and love are goal oriented; they possess a sleeping power of displacement.
Yes I call it sleeping because most of us don’t even know we possess such powers not until we find out that we have need for it।

How much should you tell?

Don’t tell your friend what will make her get thirsty for you man, some friends are really good but some can be vicious and use whatever information you share against you, some may even go for the killer – take your man from you।

Ciao

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?...........most times women cheat too

2008-01-25T14:49:00.000+01:00

Indeed this is a controversial topic hence the need for my in-depth research to familiarize myself with what cheating itself is all about.

Cheating is the Violation of Exclusivity, Physical and Emotional that binds those in a Committed Relationship
There is some controversy as to that which constitutes "cheating" in a marriage or other committed relationship.

I think I was a bit myopic when I summed up and asked the question ….can men be faithful in relationships? that I have chosen to correct this so as to properly deliver this topic of mine, now I ask …..Are those in committed relationships always faithful even when they are apart from each other?
One cheats when one shares intimacy with the non-partner and violates the quality of exclusivity.

Staying faithful is indeed a personal decision that has to be taken by an individual, male or female, its also dependent on the kind of relationship it is you are in, some people in the early stage of their relationship agree to go ‘monogamous’ or ‘polygamous’ as the case maybe.

In the above context, am going to answer the question I posed in my last post…. if my friend’s boy friend had agreed with my friend to go polygamous while away, he definitely isn’t cheating on my friend by having sex with other women, but if their relationship was agreed to be exclusive, then he really has been cheating on his girlfriend.

I try to be very realistic in all I do and I say, which brings me back to the same tots I had when I put up the last post. My friend’s boyfriend most definitely has not been without a woman for 11months 16 days now, no matter how emotional we get here, he definitely has been with a woman, this was confirmed even by his own gf, she obviously dose not believe he has been celibate since then, what matters now is this….now that they are engaged, he is expected to be faithful as the announcement of their engagement has implied that they have moved to another level were utmost exclusivity has to come into play.
Different women have a different view as to what constitutes ‘cheating’. For some women, for the man simply to look at another woman may be regarded as cheating, for other women it is being intimate with another person that constitutes ‘cheating, and there are some women who appear able to accept flirting and even intimacy with another person but it is an emotional involvement that constitutes ‘cheating’ – Douglas woods.
Cheating is usually a symptom of an unhealthy relationship। It destroys friendships, breaks trust, and causes guilt, anger, hurt and many other negative emotions। Cheating in relationships is not going to last. People know all these facts, but still go on cheating others.

There are several reasons why cheating, adultery, infidelity and extra marital affairs often occur in many relationships. People are complicated and appearances can be deceptive. Cheating in relationships depends upon several factors. One important factor is the choice of a partner or spouse. If the choice is not in line with what they require or wish, or with what their partner can give them, there is a chance of cheating.
Ciao

Making love…….fucking…….sex…… are men always faithful?

2008-01-21T08:33:00.000+01:00

Common darlyn, it meant nothing……. I was just looking that’s all…….ok ! I fucked her, but it was just sex!!! Nothing more…look, I just had a fling, it didn’t mean anything really …there were no strings attached, its you am in love with darlyn.

On my way home from work on Friday, I was thinking, didn’t even know I was thinking aloud, muttering to my self all the way home. My line of thoughts was ‘can men be entirely faithful?’. Please don’t get me wrong here, not faithful in love, I know for a fact that, a man can love you faithfully, you know, staying in love with you for real.

What I mean by being faithful is, can a man maintain a sex partner for a long time without wanting to sample another especially if his partner is away for a while?
Hmmmm, all these thoughts were running riot in my head that evening. It then occurred to me that something must have triggered this tot, I flashed back to that same Friday afternoon, my gal friend had called to intimate me of her engagement/ introduction rites that is coming up during the Easter period, oh ! I was indeed happy for her. Her bf has been away abroad for almost a year now, for his masters program. It got me thinking, this guy sure loves this gal, but all these months, has he been without a woman? If nothing just to satisfy his sexual urge? I knew right there and then that I must be the biggest joker in town.

Several names has been created for this action of theirs, they call it a fling, just sex, fucking or nothing at all. Please don’t get me wrong, am not sanctioning this action of theirs, am just not being ignorant of that fact

Is it possible that my friend’s bf abroad for say, 11months has been without a woman? If No is this cheating on his gf/fiancée?

Let’s hear from you all, especially the male folks, educate us on this with all your comments please………Hugs****

forgiveness

2008-01-15T09:48:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I wonder which is easier to do, to forgive on the spot or trying to prolong it. Dose it really matter how long it takes you to forgive people when they wrong you? Dose keeping your forgiveness from such people for a long time make them more remorseful?

I can’t comprehend it, I mean; I look around me I find people carrying so many loads on their shoulders all in the name of prolonged forgiveness. I simply can’t understand why it takes some people so long to forgive others when wronged. I take a little survey around me, I ask questions, and I get almost same answer – I have sworn never to forgive him/her for what he/she did to me.

The seed of hatred is planted at the point you were offended, this seed if not checked by forgiving whoever it was that offended right on time germinates, it grows as the days pass by. This plant is being watered by your resolve not to forgive. It takes its root and grows into a mighty tree.
Now, which is easier? Digging out this seed right about when it was planted or when it has grown into a large tree? Do you know how long it will take you to fell this tree of hatred, search and cut off its root in other for it not to grow again?

Some people simply can’t forgive, I mean it’s not in them to forgive and truth be told, you can’t blame them. Forgiveness itself is like a school, you have to be tutored in it, undergo its training and then graduate. I really do not blame people who are unable to forgive, rather I kind of pity them, you know, them having to cope with some much load on their shoulder, so much anger and hatred rather than forgiving.

I guess am in my own world, in my world I feel forgiveness should be given right on spot, it makes things easier, I simply do not believe in procrastinating, it doesn’t make the offender more remorseful or anything, rather it puts you in an uncomfortable position. I believe so much in forgiveness, I also know that its hard to do depending on the gravity of the offence, but I plead with you all never to procrastinate, I mean it may be difficult to forgive on the spot but in all it should not be dragged. Some times I think I give my forgiveness to soon, I wonder if it’s a weakness, but sometimes I find myself not really caring if it’s too soon so long it keeps me happy, gosh! This life is just too short for such stress, forgive people as fast as you can and leave them with their conscience and go on being happy. It makes sense that way or so I think.

It’s even more important in our relationships, it’s nicer to forgive and make up right there and then than to go days before settling your differences.
Please make this a rule if you want, never go to bed without making up with your loved ones when they offend you.

Bottom line of these entire gists is …..

Try as much as possible to forgive people who offends you almost on the spot, its easier that way.
Have an open mind about issues; always remember that you may find yourself in dire need of someone’s forgiveness someday.
In a relationship, forgiveness on the spot is most advisable as it keeps you two together.

Regards my friends

act the bitch .............

2008-01-09T07:36:00.000+01:00

I want to thank you all that finds time amidst your tight schedule to read thru and leave comments on my posts, though I may not find time to post individual replies but I want you all to know that you are highly appreciated.

This post is strictly for the gals this time, I know I have also got male readers, please just bear with us ladies this time around. That is not to say you can’t read and leave your comments tho.

Act the bitch simply means act as if you don’t give a care, act as if it dose not matter weather he stays or not, act as if you don’t have any care in the world while showing love.

As Africans there is this good girl lines that most women try to work at. You try to be the perfect girlfriend to your man, too scared to go against his numerous wishes and acting out his fantasies for real.
Dancing to a man’s every wish dose not make you keep his attentions neither dose it make him love you more rather it lowers the respect he has for you and you will only become a bore in a matter of time.

Acting the bitch actually works better in the early days of your dating him, you know those times when you are not sure what he wants, if he is staying or wants to sample and go? Yes those are the most effective periods to act the bitch.
Always have it at the back of your mind that because a man asked you out or for a relationship dose not mean he wants one. I mean how else is he supposed to get close to you other than by giving you the ‘desired’ line.

Having noted that, its now up to you to strategize on how to keep him (that’s if he is worth keeping) after the first few weeks I mean after the initial passion or infatuation wears off. This is were acting the bitch comes in again, at this point be careful how you process this information as it may work for or against you especially when misused.
After the initial infatuation wears off you are faced with the issue of keeping his attention and making it work. Keeping a relationship after the first few months especially after the passion has been spent is a little bit difficult, you find that both of you wants excitement, something to encourage you to stay and when this is not happening a relationship goes bad.
In as much as you dance to your man’s every whims, you grant him less challenges, granting him less challenges makes him believe he has conquered and having believed he has conquered, he searches for adventures and challenges elsewhere.

Now, there is nothing wrong with your granting your man some of his wishes sometimes, its how many times you grant him such wishes that matters. If you grant a man his fantasies too many times, he tends to take you for granted.

I must say there is a prerequisite for acting the bitch, for you to act as if you don’t care what your man dose in his spare times, for you not to be jumpy as regards who calls him or who he calls, for you take time off even when you are suppose hang out with him to see your friends or do some other things of interests that those not include him and then come back to him with details of a well spent day and then make excuses for your absence, for you to encourage him when he chooses to hang out with friends instead of you which is practically what acting the bitch is all about, you must very comfortable in your own skin and be able to take charge of your life.

True some men are scared of women that have a life but the real men respect and run after them. Some men call them bitches while most men run after these bitches who in the real sense are complete women.
Its nice to alternate being the good girl and the bitch just to keep their attention, you know stir the pot once in while and keep the excitement going.

Personally I don’t read relationship books because they all say the same thing, I research, surf the net, add whatever I find to what I see happen around me and my personal principles then I get my ideas, am only trying to say your objective criticism and improvement if any is always welcomed.

Cheers.

knowing when to let go.........

2008-01-02T13:44:00.000+01:00

It indeed was a tough struggle; it almost became an obsession, a need to make it work. I felt I could make things better through my own effort alone, oh! How I had this desire to make it work, each nite had me thinking of what I would do should it all come to an end.

I didn’t mind compromising my standard, principles and belief, it became a battle in which losing wasn’t considered an option. I became a shadow of myself, a living corpse, I was fading gradually yet I wasn’t bothered, my only concern was to win the battle at hand.

I made all the sacrifice there was to be made, I made all the calls, I had to swallow by pride and flush it down my throat all in the struggle to keep the man I thought I would die should he end the relationship !

I felt this relationship was made in heaven, oh! How i relished the little attention he throws my way each time he deemed it fit to do so. It was at this time that I made my close friends and associates my confidante, it was I that was always seeking advice for my non existent and anonymous friend, it became an obsession instead of love, I fell out of love with him without knowing, the love I felt was replaced by an obsession to have him to myself in the course of which I suffered dearly.

I was always looking for avenues and opportunities to bring up relationship questions, I went in search of relationship books and it was at this time that I realized that most of those books are filled with unrealistic ways of getting a man to love you. I was always first to ask – is anything wrong with me being the one to call my boyfriend? It’s okay to compromise a lot because you are in love right? Always too anxious to pose the question, how healthy it is to call up your man every now and then because he claims he dose not have the money or time to buy a recharge card? And somehow I managed to get an answer that suits me, the answers I always wanted to get, yes its okay, yes there is nothing wrong with it and all that.
This is the same guy that comes to tell me how low on cash he was at the moment because he was trying to complete his structure (building) within a given time frame; it’s the same guy that tells you how he has spent all his up front allowance to buy a new car. I began to wonder if indeed something was wrong with me, I actually drew conclusion that something was wrong with me or if not why can’t this guy spare some few nairas to recharge his phone so he can call me let alone buy me gifts?. Its seem to be impossible to call my man and have him pick up at odd hours because he never was ‘around’ his phones, I could never get him on his mobile phones some days or weekends because he was either too busy or had to leave town on official trip on short notice. I go to visit him and he instructs me not to wonder far from the house because his uncle lived close by? Wasn’t it crazy? But really its true, its this same my man that goes to see his uncle who leaves close by while I remain at home because its rude to take me along on his numerous visits to his uncles, why don’t u wait till we do a proper introduction?

How I longed for him to pick up his phone and call me at least once in two days, how I longed for him to pick up my calls when I called him at odd hours, how I longed for him to call me those days that I refused calling because I was getting tired of being the one to always call. It dawned on me that I was struggling to keep that relationship, I was practically carrying it on my head to avoid the inevitable end, this man that can’t waste his time returning my calls when my credit goes off amid discussion surely uses his time and credits on someone he wants and loves and surely that person wasn’t me.

When the end finally came through no fault of mine, I wept like a baby, I begged, I cajoled, I threatened, I pleaded, oh how I always cried myself to sleep for the first one week. The most painful part of it all was that this man won’t or couldn’t tell me what I had done to make him dump me.

But I moved on with my life with a big determination to be happy, I threw myself into my studies, I read like I had never done before, I took part in all social activities just to ‘forget’, my job became my companion, the bible my regular novel. I purged my mind with all the positive reasons I had to let go of the ‘past’ and be happy. It was at this time that I created a new identity for myself, I developed a new attitude to life, I became a “ if he can’t do all the running and struggling then he is not ready to have me” kind of person, I realized and then tutored myself to always hold back something for myself, I told myself I wasn’t going to give more than 30% in any relationship until the man gives 70% and then I can begin to chip more in until it attains a 50 : 50 balance on the scale.

Now that I had let go, I met an angel for a man, a man that worships the very floor I step on, a man that didn’t stop calling me after the first few weeks of the relationship, a man that didn’t see anything wrong in my calling at 12am or him calling a 3am to wake me to read for my exams, a man that isn’t tired to tell me how much he loves me, a man that displays me like his prized possession before his family. I began to think what it would have cost me had I not let go of that brute I called my boyfriend, it began to dawn on me that the longer I held on to that mess of a relationship I was in, the longer it would have taken me to meet this angel.
It’s now that I know what fun it is to be called up at odd hours by your love just to be appreciated and to have him call every now and then just to find out how I was doing.

Please, this piece was lifted from my diary, I can’t remember if it was I who found myself in that position, my friend or friend(s), or an acquaintance ( winks, I guess its my little secret ), but believe me its real and a lot of us find ourselves in such situation at one point or the other, men can also find themselves in this kind of situation where they have to struggle to keep a woman they believe means the world to them, a woman they believe they can’t have a normal life without.

The magic and only solution for this, is to let go, because its only when u do that u can meet that someone better, someone that will give u a new perception of the word love.
This should be applied in every areas of our lives, when you have struggled too much for something or someone, when u have worked to too hard for something and yet it refuses to yield positive result , please let go for something better to come into your life.

Watch out for my next post ACT THE BITCH and watch him run after you.

may 2008 led you to your utmost desires

Regards Ms. Emotions

merry xmas to u all

2007-12-24T17:10:00.000+01:00

merry xmas and a prosperous 2008 to u all.

its less than 24 hours to xmas and everybody is already in the holiday/xmas mood. lagos is as busy as i have always remembered it to be. its time to rejoice and be merry. you all wil agree wit me that not all that celebrated the last xmas is alive to celebrate this one. we have so many things to be thankful to God for, that we are alive is one of them, not just that, that you have the good health to celebrate this season is another reason to be thankful.

alot of us drew up a list of things we wish to achieve at the begining of this year yeah? how many of those things were we able to achieve? i know this question is sure to put a lot of people in a bad mood, but i have good news for u, cheer up and be merry for God has not forgotten u, am not trying to be spiritual here or anything, but i really must say this, God has said in his words that he will perfect that which concerns you this 2008! u see how blessed u are?

forget those things u tot would have come to u this year, for 2008 is a year u will never forget in a hurry, why? cos God is going to perfect his plans for u and urs.

i think this will be my last post for the year,am not sure though, but if it happens to be my last for the year, pls do come back january 3rd 2008 for some emotional entertainment !

am out of here !
once again, merry xmas and a prosperous 2008 to ya al

IS SEX ENOUGH?

2007-12-17T10:44:00.000+01:00

Its 7am on a Monday morning, as I sit to look at my ‘to do’ list I can’t but pray fervently for the holidays to come. I look forward to those quiet mornings when I don’t have o set my alarm to 5am or rush out to face the hectic Lagos traffic. Enough of the self pity and let’s move on to today’s biz. By the way, hope you all are doing great and had a great weekend cos I sure did.

I want to thank all of you that took your time to read thru the last post and your honest opinions and comments.

You can call this a continuation of the last post,

I want to set the record right by stating that SEX is NOT always enough to make a good relationship. My last post was just to place emphasis on the importance of a good sex in a relationship and not to lead people to believe that just sex or good sex guarantees a good relationship. From the comments I got on that post, I think I may have mislead some of you to believe that sex is the only thing that keeps a relationship going.

I want to define sex and good relationship for the purpose of this post.

SEX: this is the act of love making between two people that are in love or feels something other than lust for each other.

GOOD RELATIONSHIP: this is the relationship between two adults that have marriage on their mind though they may not have proposed yet.

Now, I need you all to understand that at all times, the relationship I refer to is as defined above.
I am an African and as such place much importance on marriage. This is not to say that marriage must become a do or die affair, but marriage should be grabbed when it’s within our reach. We all know that these days, its hard to find somebody we can love and who will also bw willing to reciprocate our love, in other words, it’s hard to build a good relationship and remain in such relationship till it reaches its expected end which in this case is marriage or something close to it. Make no mistakes, I am aware that not all relationships leads to marriage, but please have it at the back of your mind that at all time, I Ms. Emotions believes that ‘this’ relationship should lead to marriage (grins) but don’t kill yourself if it dose not, just move on.

i really don’t know why sometimes, I have this weird idea that having sex is different from love making in a relationship. Just like “@ fantasy queen” had said in her comment on the last post, make up sex can be great yet the relationship it self is rotten. It’s in this kind of scenarios that I find myself believing that you don’t have sex in a good relationship, what you do or have is make love or love making.

Great sex is not enough to keep a relationship neither is it enough to make a relationship great. It is assumed that people get into relationships with some level of love or feelings no matter how small for each other. Based on this, it is expected that this couple do not engage in just sex, they make love, and you all will agree with me that love making has this binding force that tends to bring couples closer. Of course people have sex without necessarily having any emotional attachment to their partner, this is why I had gone ahead to define sex and relationship for the purpose of this post. Love making has powers of its own, it has this force that makes you to either re appraise that relationship or define it, it even makes you try analyzing your relationship.

Like I mention in my last post, Nigerian women find it difficult to enjoy love making, they almost do not take active part in the love making, I can imagine why a woman can be creative and take the lead in love making. I have this guy friend that is almost 35 years yet single, each time I bring up the issue of him not having a steady girlfriend let alone married, out of the blues, a naughty grin appears on his handsome face as he speaks of his many experience with our Nigerian women, “don’t mind these girls that can’t afford to be themselves, imagine you meet a girl, make your intentions for a steady relationship known and when you get down to making love she turns into an ice maiden. Look, I have had to try on several occasions to see if this will change rather it gets worst, and you know me now, how am I supposed to be in a relationship wit a girl I might end up marrying and always go out for sexual fulfillment? ‘’

This is what my friend keeps saying each time the issue of him being single comes up. This has made me understand why most relationship becomes stagnant. When a man can not derive pleasure with his spouse, he either moves on or remains while searching for a replacement and when this happens we say we say ‘he broke my heart’.

Sex alone is not enough to keep a relationship though, other things like trust, commitment, understanding each other, giving room for open communication, respect , gratitude amongst others are also needed.
You can’t keep your man or get a man to love you by giving him full dose of sex, you must have defined your relationship before hand and then with good sex and other relationship ‘ingredients ‘ you should have yourself a good relationship.

But don’t forget that if a relationship is not defined, you may apply all of the relationship ‘ingredients’ and yet you find your self messed up. Don’t go dating a man that has not in clear terms asked you to be his girlfriend with the intention of keeping him with great sex and all cos it won’t work.

Wow! I have to go back to work now before I get a query from by boss lol.

As always, your comments are highly appreciated.

Compliment of the season to you all.

Ms. Emotions

good sex = good relationship

2007-12-11T09:47:00.000+01:00

hullo daryns, howdy?

i have been really busy at work, you know year end and all, coupled with the target i have had to give myself in other to get my book completed at least first quarter of next near. yeah ! i have this relationship book am trying to put together but believe me it's not been easy coming out with something different from all the relationship solution books littered all over the place. am working on having something extraordinary, something either of the sexes can pick up at any time and then learn to move on in life and to expect better things when faced with broken relationships and a lot more.

so back to todays business, my assumption is there are no minors amongs my readers and if am wrong about this, please my dears, if u know u are below 18 years please skip this post as you may find some words or phrases offensive.

good sex = good relationship, good relationship = good sex

sex unknow to most of all is the basic ingredient for a good relationship. now read btw the lines ladies, good sex is one thing that keeps your relationship alive.
every woman should be in touch with her sexuality, most women throw away their sexuality for the "nice girl" tag. most women forget that a woman can be sexy and sensual while being sophisticated. its high time women took active part in sex rather than waiting to be serviced. i know of women that can't even initiate sex due to the fear of being termed loose. i mean i can' begin to imagine why a woman can not enjoy love making with her man or initiate the act itself.

i have always told my friends that a woman can actually enjoy sex just as much as a man enjoys it while keeping her relationship without losing her self respect. you can actually guide your man to bring you satisfaction. you should be creative in bed ladies, am not saying that sex is the only way to a good relationship, rather am saying that good sex is one the things that can't be left out if you have it in mind to make your relationship a good one.

men cherish women who can confidently take charge in bed while retaining her sophistication out of bed. so ladies, please get in touch with the sexual side of your existence, make your self desirable, put on your romantic garmet and put some life into that relationship or marriage ! but rememba, DO NOT practice unsafe sex o, very important.

on a lighter note

silence........

Smart Bukari…………………………..

Bukary is a servant boy who every day drinks the wine of his Boss and to cover up for that he puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank. But the Boss having suspicions as to the quality of the wine, decides to buy pastis (a French wine that changes colour if you add water). Bukary as usual, takes a mouthful and add water to replace what he drank.However, soon after he added water the pastis became milky. When the Boss came backed and noticed it, he was sure he had managed to nail Bukary as thief!!!

At that same moment Bukary realized he was in trouble and decided to go into the kitchen. The Boss told his wife that "Cherished, you will see, he will be obliged to acknowledge ". He shouted: "Bukary!".
Bukary answered: "Yes, Boss".
"Who drank my pastis?".
No answer.
The Boss reiterated his question: still no answer. Then the Boss went to find Bukary in the kitchen and says to him: "You insane or what? Why when I call you you say "yes boss" but when I ask you a question you don't answer me? "

Bukary retorted that "It is that boss, when you are in the kitchen there, you don't understand anything at all, except the name " Then to prove that Bukary lies, the Boss says to him: "You stay beside Madam, me I go in the kitchen, and you ask me a question ". Bukary accepted.

The Boss went in the kitchen and Bukary shouted: "Boss". He answered: "Yes, Bukary". Bukary continued: "Who goes at the maid bedroom when the Madam is not there? ". No answer. Bukary shouted again: "Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?" No answer. Third time; "Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?"

The Boss returns from the kitchen running and says "Bukary: It is true, you are right, when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name ".

cheers

Sex Myths Exposed

2007-12-07T08:38:00.000+01:00

MYTH

if a girl's hymen is broken, torn, or missing, she is not a virgin.

-OR-If a girl doesn't bleed during sex, she is not a virgin.

TRUTH

The hymen is a thin layer of skin that partially covers the vagina. Its purpose is to protect the vagina from bacteria and other harmful pathogens. This skin is very sensitive, and easily torn. Some girls are born without a hymen, and others have their hymens broken from sports, horseback riding, using tampons, or during manual sex. While the hymen is often broken during a girl's first time having intercourse, there is a high possibility that the hymen will already be torn before that, or not fully torn after that. Every girl is different. So, the presence or absence of a hymen is no indication of virginity.
If the hymen does break during sex, most often there will be some bleeding, because the tissue has blood vessels in it. However, some women don't experience bleeding, and of course their hymen may already be torn. Also, some bleed the first few times they have sex. So if she doesn't bleed, it doesn't necessarily mean she has already been devirginized.

MYTH

If a guy doesn't come, or ejaculate, during sex, there is no chance of pregnancy.

TRUTH

This method, called the withdrawal method, AKA pulling out, AKA coitus interrupts, is a totally ineffective method of pregnancy prevention. After a guy is aroused, and during sexual activity, pre-ejaculatory fluid, AKA precum, is secreted from the urethra. The purpose of this fluid is to neutralize the urethra so the sperm can survive. This fluid contains - you guessed it - SPERM! And as we all know, sperm can very well impregnate a woman. While the amount of sperm is considerably less than released during ejaculation, there is still a significant chance of pregnancy. Consider this: An average of 300 million sperm are released during ejaculation. If one tenth of that amount is released in the precum, that's still 30 million sperm, and it takes only ONE to get pregnant, so wrap it up boys! Another interesting fact: A girl who doesn't use protection during sex has a 90% chance of getting pregnant during the first year.

MYTH

If a girl has sex during her period; there is no chance of pregnancy.

TRUTH

theoretically, a girl will ovulate before her period, and during her period the egg will be shed from the uterus, so no egg, no pregnancy. However, this theory is highly unreliable, particularly during the teen years. Most teens have very irregular cycles because their bodies are still trying to regulate themselves. Even if a girl's period shows up at the same time each month, her ovulation could still be out of whack, so there's no way to tell when an egg will or will not be present. Not to mention, sperm can live five to seven days inside the vagina, thereby increasing the chance of pregnancy. So menstruation is by no means a safe time to have sex. The "rhythm method," or determining approximate times of ovulation, should to be used when TRYING to get pregnant, not when trying avoiding it.

MYTH

You can't get pregnant if it is your first time having sex.

TRUTH

There is absolutely no basis to this statement. Most girls have started their period before their first time having sex, which means they all ovulate. If the egg is there, and the sperm are there, there will always be a chance of pregnancy, whether it's the first time or the hundreth time.

MYTH

drinking lots of Mountain Dew will decrease sperm count, and thus prevent pregnancy, thanks to the coloring agent Yellow No. 5.

TRUTH

Yellow No 5 is a safe chemical, used for adding a yellow color to Mountain Dew, as well as many other food products. The chemical has no effect on sperm count, thus rendering it ineffective as a contraceptive. Even if it did lower your sperm count, you would still have sperm, and it only takes one to get pregnant.

MYTH

you can't get pregnant from anal sex.

TRUTH

Well, this one is partially true. You can't get pregnant directly from anal sex, because the anus has no connection to the uterus or fallopian tubes. However, sperm can very easily dribble out and make their way to the vagina, so there is a very real risk of pregnancy. Your best bet is to use a condom anyway.

MYTH

A girl who hasn't started menstruating can't get pregnant.

TRUTH

Nobody can predict when they will get their first period. A non-menstruating girl could be ovulating the very moment you have sex with her, but you would never know it, and neither would she since she hasn't had her first period yet.

MYTH

Two condoms are better than one.

TRUTH

NEVER use two condoms at the same time. Doing so will increase the friction upon the condoms, and greatly increase their chance of breaking.

MYTH If you use someone's birth control pills before having sex, you won't get pregnant.

TRUTH

For one thing, you shouldn't use birth control pills that haven't been prescribed to you. You could be allergic to the pills and cause damage to yourself. It is highly necessary to have a full gynecological exam before taking any kind of hormonal birth control. Secondly, birth control pills take a full MONTH to be at all effective, so one day and one pill won't help you at all.

MYTH

You can't get STDs or STIs from giving or receiving oral sex.

TRUTH

This is one of the most dangerous myths in existence. Any exposure to genitalia or body fluids puts you at risk for catching an STD. There are many STDs that can be transitted through oral sex, including genital herpes, genital warts (HPV), gonorrhea, hepatitis A, hepatitis B, chlamydia, canchoid, syphilis, internal parasite (amebiasis), and rarely, HIV. To prevent getting an STD from oral sex, you and your partner should get screened for STDs, and you should always use a condom or dental dam (a latex square or cut open condom) during oral sex. But of course, you can only catch an STD if your partner has one in the first place, so get tested!

MYTH

If you douche or go to the bathroom after sex, you will decrease the chance of pregnancy.

TRUTH

when it comes to douching, the opposite is true. Douching will actually push sperm farther up the vagina. Besides, by the time you make it to the bathroom, millions of sperm have already made their way through the vagina.
Urinating also has no effect on conception. Urine comes out the urethra, which is in no way connected to the vagina or uterus. However, it is a good idea to urinate before and after sex to get rid of any bacteria that could cause infection in the vagina.

MYTH

You can't get pregnant or catch an STD in a shower, bath, or pool.

TRUTH If a penis is inside the vagina, there is a risk of pregnancy and a risk of getting an STD, water or not. However, if a guy comes in a pool or bath but hasn't been inside you, there is basically no risk of pregnancy. Those little spermie guys can swim, but they aren't olympic athletes and won't survive in the water for very long. And of course, you can only catch an STD if your partner has one in the first place, so get tested!

MYTH the condition "blue balls" is something guys make up.

TRUTH

Blue balls, or painful vasocongestion, is actually a very real condition. It can also occur in women, but this is not as common. Vasocongestion occurs during arousal and blood flow increases to the genitals, exerting pressure on the blood vessels and surrounding tissue. After orgasm or ejaculation, the blood flow decreases and the pressure is released. But if orgasm or ejaculation doesn't occur, the pressure can cause pain or discomfort. This is not, however, a reason for a guy to coerce you into having or finishing sexual activity. Blue balls will neither kill nor maim a man.

i want to thank you all for your comments and ideas, i also want to reiterate that this blog's main focus is on relationship issues and ideas. readers are welcome to either contribute to or criticize any of the issues posted at any time.

thank you

THE EASIEST WAY TO SCARE THAT MAN AWAY

2007-12-06T10:47:00.000+01:00

I have been blog surfing lately in the course of which I have come across lots of extremely nice blogs most of which I did like to include in my fav blogs but the problem is I can’t seem to figure out how to add them to my list. Can somebody pls help this poor gal on how to go about this? I feel so terribly old and dumb!

I have seen it happen so many times, I have read it in so many books, I have had it from so many mouths and the scary part of it is it actually works wonders. If you want to scare away your man, girls! Just go ahead and do any or all of these things listed below.

Of course there are relationships that you as a young lady know is not beneficial to you but then there are those ones you can do absolutely anything to keep or make it work out, every girl that’s 27+ definitely knows what am talking about here. If you have ever been in love then you also will understand most of the things am going to list below, they are things we do unconsciously when in love but unknown to most of us the easiest way to scare a man away.

1. Nag at every slightest opportunity you find
2. Always run yourself down by telling him nasty things about yourself, your family or your past relationships
3. ensure you ask him everyday if he still loves you or how much he loves you
4. Make him promise over and over again never to hurt you like your ex did.
5. Make crying your only way of getting through to him
6. Don’t allow him hang out with his male friends or have his usual sports session with his friends, each time he brings it up go on and go on about how you cant let him out of your sight for a min !
7. Call him incessantly, like 10 times a day
8. If you use to be very fashionable when you met, lose your fashion sense!
9. Drop your identity and take on his
10. Tell him you have your wedding all planed in your head and all you are waiting for is the groom, you might even add that you believe he is the lucky guy lol.

Who will or has tried out any of these and how long did it take him to ‘disappear’?

I simply can’t wait to hear from you guys

Cheers

FORGET THE SIMPLICITY OF IT ALL !

2007-12-03T09:01:00.000+01:00

There is something I have been meaning to share with you all. Its something most of us take for granted, the simplicity of it alone tends to make us disregard it most times.

It is unknown to most of us a secret weapon that we can use to win the battles of life. I said the ‘battles’ of life because it can be applied in more than one area of our life, in fact it should be applied to all areas of our lives, but am going to concentrate on its application in our relationships.

Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of it all because just this one idea can change your life completely. What am I talking about?

THE POWER OF APPRECIATION

Yes, it’s the power of appreciation.
Appreciation is the act of recognizing a positive or favorable act; it is a feeling or expression of gratitude. It can also be defined as a full understanding of the meaning or importance of someone, an act or something.

Do you know that feeling you get each time you are appreciated or your effort or action is appreciated? You have to agree with me that there is always the feeling of inner happiness each time you or your action is appreciated. You can imagine what such a simple gratitude can do to your spouse or partner each time they did something nice.

Appreciation is a weapon that can be used in every area of our lives and even our love lives. A lot of people don’t realize why relationships and marriages appear to be loveless after a given period of time. Relationships needs spark to bring them back to life after appearing dead for a long time. Look, its natural that marriages or relationships that are past 6months or a year will generally appear boring, if this occurs, the easiest way to bring back the spark is to begin to appreciate your partner for the little things they do, throw them compliments at the time they least expect, show gratitude for little gestures of love from them, then sit back and watch how little appreciation brings back that newness in your relationship or marriage.

Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of this word as it’s the one word that can make a big difference in your life. My advice is that showing appreciation should not be limited to our relationships, we should always appreciate people; appreciate God, show gratitude to our parents and to everybody around us.

Do you know what a simple “Oh? Thank you” could do to that cleaner? That house help? That your mechanic? That your driver? It puts a smile on their faces, it makes them appreciate themselves and God the more, these people least expects gratitude from you, after all they are paid to do what they do, but have your taken your time to think of the positive impact this show of gratitude from you could have in their life?

Think about this, gratitude makes the world in general a better place.

It’s a new week, a bright and beautiful Monday morning, enjoy the week as I wish you the very best this new week.

Thank you all for your comments on the last post,

Ciao

what to do when your man hits u once?

2007-11-29T12:40:00.000+01:00

hulllo all,

well i guess i have to be diplomatic in answering this question since its a very sensitive one. at this point i must say that my answer to this question naturally isnt the only answer or the only approach to either ensure that your man dose not raise his hands against you 'ever' again or he dose so only when he is soooooooooo pushed to back up against the wall that he can't but hit you which to me is a call to end the relationship or if you wish to go ahead is your own personal cup of tea.

now back to business, when your man hits you for the very first time in your relationship for whatever reasons ' punish him' and ensure you do so real good.

below are the 5 basic things to do in steps when he hits you for the first time in your relationship.

1. the moment he commits the 'blunder' act very very suprised which naturally you should be, it will be nice to say something like 'waattttttt' give him a very depreciating dirty look while maintaining eye contact and then walk out on him fast without saying one word and dont even let him touch you or talk you from leaving his presence at that point.

2. remain incommunicado for about 3 or 4 days, would be nice if you can bring yourself to remain so for at least a week. during this time, DO NOT TAKE HIS CALLS, don't discuss it with any of his or your mutual frds even if he has asked them to do so.

3. you can now take his call for the first time since the 'blunder', watever you do, dont discuss it over the phone, agree to meet any where other than his or your home. when you do meet, let him start off, listen to his appologies and excuses for raising his hands on you, remain silient but maintain eye contact with him. when he has finished, tell him it all happened in rush and you really are trying to come to terms with the fact that he could actually raise his hands on you. tell him you need some time to think through wether its worth continuing the relationship or not after which you take your leave, HE MUST NOT DROP YOU OFF.

4. now, all these hard times are for him to realize that you are not cut out for abusive relationship and to make him understand that if he keeps at it,you will not hesitate to end the the relationship ( well, you may not even have the liver to do so, but it aint a bad idea to give him that impression o). take at least two days to punish him some more, dont take his calls, avoid his or your usual hang outs but if you must hang out, go with another man.

5. now, call him and invite him over, accept his appologises and you knnoooww, make up the usual way ( winks) make sure you talk over this, tell me what you feel about him raising his hands on you and tell it was really hard for you to come to terms with and that it was a fatal mistake that you know he wont ever make again.

well thats it, dont ever take the issue of your man battering you lightly as it may become a nasty routine.

if you have any comments or other ideas on how to do this better, pls pls pls leave me a comment.

cheers, its a woman's world.

me, ms. emotions

Calling Your New Guy & Sign to look out for in a man that HITS

2007-11-26T08:21:00.000+01:00

personally i dont have a problem with her calling up the new guy so long the guy matches her calls with extra 5 calls ! yea !

you see, that you call a guy every 5 times in an hour really isnt the issue, it becomes an issue when the guy dose not call you as much as you call him. lets have two senarios here, if your new man deems it fit to call u evry 5 minutes just to talk to you probably cos you guys just met and love is so much in the air, then there really is no law that says you cant call him ones for every five times he calls you and that might make you call him say 10-20 times a day.

now senario two is this guy dose not call you at all or he calls just ones and then you call me 5o times extras in a day, that will practically drive him very far from you.

calling your steay man,

now when you guys have gone steady and chummy, the guy probably calls you ones a day, there is no rule that says you cant call him maybe two times ? a day. calling up your steady guy that you feel is constant in his love for you is not a problem at all but i advice people to ensure there is a balance in all you find yourselve doing in a relationship. when you meet a new guy that has not even asked you out yet pls DONT call him at all, that is a golden rule, and even when he has asked you out still apply the above rule in your calling him.

Signs to look out for in a man that 'hits'

i decided to put down a few things on this topic cos of the question linda ikeji had on her blog some time last week.

a man that hits a woman needless to say is a weakling and unfortunately there are no much signs to look out for in a man that hits his women.
i am firmly against abusive relationships hence my resolve to look deep into likely signs that woman beaters have but am sorry to say there is almost none to see. a man that hits a woman or have the tendency to hit a woman has just one give away. this kind of men when provoked, they tend to walk away from you almost immediately to avoid beating you, watch them closely you find that at that point in time they look for an object to hit or some one to lash out at. their fists at this time is so tight clenched that they struggle to keep it at their sides and at that moment they either walk away from you for a while or hit an object . my dears, other than these there jolly well are no signs that gives away a man as a violent man.

am going to ask this question and sincere comments or answers to it will be welcomed.

if your man hits you ones or for the first time what should you do?

watch out for the wisest thing to do in my next post.

take kare you all and thanx comrade for your comments.

QUESTION ! QUESTION !! QUESTION !!!

2007-11-19T07:51:00.000+01:00

hullo all,

how was ya weekend? did u have fun ? did anybody try out the game on our last discussion? i mean giving a guy his space.

anyways, a quick one pls. my little friend just met this guy - a perfect guy for her she said, but the only problem seem to be how much should she call him in a day or week?

i tot i should give others the oppurtunity to answer this. so how often do you think a girl can call her new man before she actually becomes a pest?

aiight,
bye

GIVE A MAN HIS SPACE

2007-11-16T17:02:00.000+01:00

hello darlyns,
i sure have been away for too long this time, am sincerely sorry. i have actually been away on vacation, for two years that i have been working, never taken a break or any form of leave and now i had to. i didnt have internet facility in my house but am working seriously on putting that in order. how ve u guys been? ur relationships?

actually i have kinda put together a thousand and one post in my head and the one that came top was the POWER OF GRATITUDE. i ve actually put down one or two things on this until this last weekend when i stumbled on this GIVE A MAN HIS SPACE.

how many of u knows that at a point in a relationship a man feels all choked up? no, i dont mean that he dose not love again or anything like that. what i mean is that a man ones in a while feels there is something he his missing for being too long wit his partner ., u know, that he may ve been missing out of fun with his guy frds and all that, so why dont you just let him have this space, go see that there really is nothing new out there while u are giving him space. make him feel single and searching again, miss u and then come back. have u lost me?

ok ! see, men dont and cant appreciate wat they have if they have not gone out to compare notes. every relationship has its peak and lowest periods. girlfriends, do u know that relationships needs space to survive? do u know that the fastest way of showing a man how relevant u are in his life is by walking away abit? i mean staying apart awhile?

am not saying u should cause a fight and then walk away for awhile NOPE!
am saying u should give ur man his space by knowingly and indirectly leaving him to himselve some times, see, try this and come back to tell me how well it worked.

if u are always nagging down his head for his time, or weekends or some dayz in a week u are always telling him it is his duty to be with u, just blank him sweetly, come up wit this thing u just have to do, keep at it for a week or two ( make sure u are keeping though via phone, mail or txt) and then see how renewed ur relationship will be after wards.

i really got to go now,
come back for some more principles of a good relationship
ciao

Independence day

2007-10-01T13:27:00.000+01:00

today 1st of october, 2007 marks nigeria's 47 years of freedom from their colonial rulers.

lets all give three Gbosa's to Nigeria for their 47th year of freedom. ' Gbosa ! gbosa !! gbosa !!!

its true that nigerians is still very far from what we want it to be, but we should also remember that being appreciative to God for having brought us thus far will go a long way in helping us ( nigerians) attain the height we want our dear and beloved country to be.

The country is messed up." That's like cursing the soil and the seed and the sunshine and the rain, which is all you've got. Don't curse all you've got. When you get your own planet, you can rearrange this whole deal. This one you've got to take like it comes, cos u see, itz not what happens that determines the major part of your future. What happens, happens to us all. It is what you do about what happens that counts. God Bless Nigeria

this brings me to what i ' did like to discuss in my next post, THE POWER OF APPRECIATION.

so watch out for my next post on the power of appreciation. its going to be mind blowing !
me,
miss emotions

isn't this beautiful?

2007-09-27T17:09:00.000+01:00

men and space in relationships

2007-09-27T12:14:00.001+01:00

“Space” in a relationship or spacing in relationships is your ability to realize that your partner needs to have a life of his own while the relationship exists and giving him the required freedom to lead that life. Spacing in a relationship is a major challenge more so when you don’t trust your man. I usually advise that you take your time to know your man well enough to trust him, am not ignorant of the fact that these days we simply cannot allow ourselves to trust a man 100%. A level of commitment is however required before you can allow yourself trust a man. you all will agree with me that it makes no sense going through all the hassles of giving a man that is not committed to you emotionally some space or even to assume to have a relationship going for you when there is none. basically, you need to ascertain the existence of a relationship and some level of emotional attachment before thinking of allowing such relationship grow by playing the spacing game once in a while. To give a man space simply means to act unavailable while available, being a bit elusive, giving him the desired or required freedom to either hang out with the ‘boys’ or do what ever he likes from time to time.

Why?

No matter how happy both of you are in a relationship a man will still want to keep his identity, he wants to be able to spend quality time with his friends once in a while, he wants to be able to look at and admire an attractive girl with his friends and even make some naughty remarks about her without your being around to caution him, when all these has been done, he will come back to you and appreciate what he has got.
You can even pretend to be unavailable for your routine weekend program or hanging out for once and let him miss you, after all he can’t even miss you when you are always around and this makes him take you for granted sometimes. Well this might not be so in all case, don’t get me wrong, am not saying you should always disappear from your routine activities, all am saying is that once in a while, take you time and act elusive, give him a challenge to keep you, stair the pot sometimes, make him realize that you can actually be seeing someone else if you want to.

How this works for you?

Being complacence in a relationship gives room for boredom and this automatically kills the chemistry between you two. This is what leads most men to either double date or to cheat on their partner out rightly. When a man realizes that you no longer are a challenge in any way, i.e. always hanging around him and seeking attention, it starts to bore him, you become predictably, he feels he can no longer catch fun with his woman, he feels the challenge is no longer there and then he looks elsewhere for the challenge he so desires and these things invariably end a relationship. Giving your man some space actually helps renew the relationship.

Here are some tips on how to go about this.
Pick a weekend, about 2days before the weekend,

make sure you look absolutely fabulous
go see him and say to him ………sorry darlyn, am not able to see you this weekend, reason being………….
tell him how much you love and will miss him
be absolutely in control while pretending to be in a hurry to go do something really urgent
tell him to behave but have fun so he can tell you about it when you get back
while you are “away” act busy, don’t call him but if he calls, let it ring and then pick up when he calls you again and you go “ hello darlyn, sorri I missed the first I was so busy with blah blah blah" , don’t stay too long then hang up.
when you finally are back after the weekend, don’t see him on Monday, Tuesday you can go see him and then you know what next……
end of the game

What you see above is just an act to show to your man that you can actually be busy or have fun or carry on your work without him and still be in control. This is a fresh challenge to him which should keep him on his feet and keep him guessing. While you are away he will imagine you with another man and realize the need to work hard at keeping his pretty damsel.

Hmmmm, that’s it on spacing,

Let me know how this works out for those of you that will be daring enough to try it out.

Ciao

‘Space’ in relationships

2007-09-26T09:01:00.000+01:00

What dose it mean to give your man some space from time to time? How will it impact on the relationship? What dose it do to “him” as a man?

Watch out for my next post on men and space in relationships and how it helps the relationship grow.

ms. emotions

He loves me, he loves me not

2007-09-24T19:42:00.000+01:00

As a woman you tend to be familiar to this line of question. He loves me? He loves me not? So how can you really know weather he really loves you or not?

The best way to answer this question is by asking instead is this love or infatuation?
Love is a friendship that has “caught” fire overtime while infatuation is an instant fire or an instant desire.
It becomes dangerous to differentiate love and infatuation in the early stage of a relationship, say in the first one to three weeks. This is the stage I like to call the “formation stage”. Needless to say that love its self starts with a strong sexual attraction for the opposite sex – a strong sexual attraction itself can be called infatuation hence the difficulty is discerning what he feels for you within the first to three weeks of starting a relationship.
What I call the formation stage is that period where a man tries to discover what he feels for you or what he wants to do with you. This is the stage where if its love, he starts developing some sorta emotional attachment to you which in no time blossoms into love, while if he is just sexually interested he acts so obvious that it isn’t hard for you to tell that he is infatuated.

After about a month of being in a relationship with a man, you must be able to look out for the signs that tell u what he feels for you, is it love or infatuation? Your inner instinct will tell you. Do u guys remember my last post on emotional fulfillment where I said in your hearts of heart, you are able to tell weather or not you are emotionally fulfilled? Same thing also applies in this instance.

If a man is infatuated, as a lady, you will be able to tell by accessing how he acts when you are together. Is he always looking forward to ending it in intimacy? Always wanting to ‘get it’ from you? Is that all he looks forward to each time you are together, if yes, the guy is only sexually attracted to you which in most cases is termed infatuation. This though is not the end of the world really as most guys find sexual attraction coming on strong to them before love dose. in essence, a guy sexually attracted to you can turn around and feel deep love for you in the long run. But the fear is that he may just remain infatuated and overtime just like the attraction dies a natural death and he takes off.

Love on the other hand takes a root and grows one day at a time, if a guy is in love with you, each time you are together he feel quite relaxed and always is on the look out for fun and exciting activities u can involve yourselves while you are together. He is more interested in things that affects and matters to you and how they affect you. Love they say lights up a man so much so that you really will not have to ask if he loves or loves you not.

Wow!!! I think I have to go back to work hoping that I have been able make some sense in my little write up.

Pls! Pls! Pls! Leave me a comment if by chance you happen to drop by so I can at least know am not the only person that reads my post. lol
Your comments will be welcomed!

ciao

EMOTIONAL FULFILLMENT

2007-09-21T09:44:00.001+01:00

Emotional fulfillment is a state of being content with who you perceive yourself to be. It is a feeling of completeness, being content with all that makes you “you”, your failure and success. It is an emotionally induced feeling which deep within your hearts of heart you are able to tell weather or not you feel fulfilled.

Emotional fulfillment comes with you having a sense of achievement, appreciation and the need to be you and do what makes you happy. i.e. you being heard and appreciated, you giving luv and not necessarily looking to receive luv( a lot of us don’t know that giving luv leaves you open to receiving luv), feeling obligated to help others without looking to be thanked for it, ( helping others naturally brings help your way, especially when you do so unconsciously, it kind of makes you fell good).
Emotional fulfillment is never about being in a great relationship, being happily married or being successful No! It has to do with coming to terms with your failures and seeing it as one of those things that makes you human and having the resolve to give it another shot; it is about knowing what your emotional needs are and working towards achieving them.

In my last post, I talked about a beauty personified lady, that’s a true beauty that has got all and everything to offer the world, yet she doesn’t feel emotionally fulfilled likewise a great dude that’s got almost all the good things in life yet he remains unhappy because he knows he doesn’t feel fulfilled emotionally. But how can we truly feel fulfilled when we cannot even identify what our emotional needs are? When we do not know what being fulfilled emotional is?

Emotional needs and how to fulfill them

some of our emotional needs are, getting and giving attention, having a sense of achievement and purpose, the need to be heard and understood, the need to help and be helped, the need to be appreciated and loved( while showing luv to those around us) and the need for security.

Being emotionally fulfilled

You can only be emotionally fulfilled when you begin to accept who you are and know what your emotional needs are. A lot of us think that emotional fulfillment comes with being in luv, this is not true as you can be in luv yet unfulfilled emotionally.
The earlier to understand what our needs are emotionally and begin to work towards achieving them, the sooner we will find that we are emotionally fulfilled after all.

Me, real

are you emotionally fulfilled?

2007-09-20T14:48:00.000+01:00

i actually feel very scared as it is, here i am posting for the very first time on my blog, lol. meanwhile i simply can't remember how long ago i ve been reading other blogs, some days i just sit in my office and read new posts on all my fav blogs.
it didnt occur to me that i will oneday create my own blog. My Own Bog? omg ! so i own one now? funny.
anyways this isnt gonna be about my day to day experiences or personal stuffs, No !
am gonna be doing more of the real emotional stuffs and worries we ladys" and gents out there go thru and how to remain happy and see positive sides of it all. on this blog, am going to be talking about love, hatred, relationships, forgiveness, happiness and then a bit of spiritual stuff, not that am saint myself, but try i will.

ok! i have decided to write on YOU & YOUR Emotions in my first post.
let me warn you though that this will be some kind of anonymous blog with my identity disclosed to a few if need be. you may also leave your comments and questions if any, not that i have quite brought myself to believe that i will have reader at all, lol

You and Your Emotions
have you every been in a situation where you find yourselve wondering if you will ever be emotionally fulfilled? you know, like in your heart of hearts you ask yourselve this question - am i emotionally fulfilled? and then you seem unable to find answer to this question?
lets look at this in this light, you are a young guy or lady who has everything to offer the opposite sex, as a guy you know you ve got it, tall, handsome and sexy looking, wealth, brains, you name it....some people look at you and they go ooooooooooooooohhhhhhh gosh ! you are handsome ! you ve got it all ! yet deep down you know you dont feel fulfilled emotonally
and as lady, you are what they call beauty personified, you v e got that look, those gorgeous legs, pretty face that get heads rolling in your direction, nice job or even nice relationship, yet you are not emotionally happy, you feel you are not fulfilled, you just know there is a wide gap and space that has to be occupied by something or someone?

then watch out for my next post where am going to explain fully what emotional fulfillment is all about and how to achieve emotional fulfillment.

until then, remain happy,

its me,
real.