Val has come and gone, hope you all had loads of fun with ya friends, family, spouses et al?
So, in the spirit of val, who got shagged? Proposed to? Proposed? Hooked? Dumped? hehehe
Ok, ok, let’s drop that and do something serious here.
A lot of people don’t know that doing things in a particular way, at a particular time, in a particular fashion, with a particular expression can do a lot to relationships and marriages.
Some people call them routine things, I call them tradition….in fact I call them keeping tradition.
Has someone ever done something so spontaneously that you begin to be on the look out for repetition of such actions?
Let’s go back to the earliest days of marriages and relationships, relationships they say are sweeter when they are new, have you asked yourself one the things that makes a relationship more interesting, engaging and exciting than the later days of a relationship/marriages?
There are some things we find ourselves doing when we are either newly married or in a new relationship. If you note properly, there is continuity in such thing for say the first few weeks or there about after which unconsciously we begin to drop them. A relationship is headed for the rocks the moment you become complacent, you will have a lot more on your hands the moment you become comfy with what you have achieved so far.
There is power in keeping tradition, such traditions when properly developed becomes a thing to look forward to, it becomes an action or activity depending on what it is that we subconsciously look forward to and crave.
Have you ever heard of the line, doing small things in a big way?
So it is with phone calls in relationships and marriages,
Do you know that calling your spouse at a particular time in a day, making a tradition out of it, makes him or her always look forward to that call or those calls?
It’s not really about calling randomly; it has to do with making a tradition out of such calls. You call him or her up randomly say two or three times in a day, fine, when such calls is reduced, he or she may not even notice due to the randomness of your calls. But should you make one out of such calls a tradition, i.e. you call for like a week at exactly 8am, any day you do not make this routine call, your spouse if connected to you would be put on enquiry.
The beautiful thing about this routine call biz is it strays your spouse’s thoughts unconsciously to you and you know what this means right?
Light kisses / hugs
Newly weds have it in their heads to always welcome their man home at least for the first few weeks of marriages with light kisses and hugs after which this is discarded. Do you know that making a tradition out of this little action of yours can go along way to bring you guys closer? I mean, it becomes an action your spouse looks forward to each day, it becomes an action that when it’s not done or carried out makes your spouse begin to wonder if something was wrong?
Of course we all have pet names for our spouses. A lot of couples in the heat of arguments or fights drop the pet name thing and go neutral. This is something that should not be encouraged at all, when you adopt a pet name for your spouse, you make a tradition out of it, ensure it becomes not just a tradition but one you intend to keep no matter the ups or downs. A pet name shouldn’t be used only when you are in the mood to, it should be like a second name for your spouse reserved just for your use.
The power of tradition…..
Darlyn, you didn’t call me when you usually do today, I waited for you to call and when I didn’t hear from you, I became worried and decided to call, are you ok?
Darlyn, no kisses nor hugs for me today is everything ok with you?
Stanley / blessing? are you ok darlyn? I can’t remember when last you called me by my name, is everything ok with you?
These are some reactions to be expected when a real tradition is broken or deviated from. Making tradition out of your little actions brings you and your spouse closer; it enhances communication which is the key to any successful marriage or relationship. These are little things we tend over look especially when not properly initiated into a relationship. Keeping tradition is like developing a bad habit, you have to nurture it, build and develop it, ensure continuity and good timing, make sure you partner understands that its meant to be a tradition by its continuity.
Initiating tradition where there use to be none may take a little work, you may have to put in about 2-3 weeks into it before you begin to reap from it, depending how close both of you are. There are no little things these days, a lot of factors determines the success or otherwise of a relationship.
There are just so many little things that one can make a tradition of, morning kisses, goodbye hugs, a shared joke, ensure you do at least one thing to make your partner smile or laugh in a day, little things you may think they are, but they are very potent for developing your love life especially when the excitement has worn off,
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Val has come and gone, hope you all had loads of fun with ya friends, family, spouses et al?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
In this part of our world, the question – will you marry me? Is seen as a man’s duty, it’s a question that’s basically reserved for the male folks. It’s almost a taboo for a woman to propose to a man in Africa. The general idea is that a man proposes to a woman after he has convinced himself that she is a wife material. A woman on her part waits patiently for the man to pop the question – marry me please, it is believed that it dose not really matter if the woman is sure that the man will make a good husband, her opinion in this issue is seen as irrelevant hence the need to remain silent until the man either decides to make an honest woman of her or throw her out ….eventually.
Most women find themselves in a relationship that’s stagnant, they personally are aware that such relationship should be packed up but because of what they believe to be a ticking biological clock from certain age they stay put waiting, hoping for the man to pop the question that is if he ever dose at his own convenience.
A stagnant relationship is that which has out lived its usefulness, it is seen to remain at a particular level which due to some circumstances it can not cross.
From a man’s point of view
a man surely knows what he wants from a woman before he approaches her in the first instance, if a man is financially ok, with a good job, home and has attained a particular age usually from 30’s, he is deemed fit and ready to make a home. In some cases this maybe true but in some cases again this may not be so. Most men would prefer to settle down after seeing all the good things life has to offer in terms of women, all around the world, buzz etc. those men that falls within the first category would generally be looking and searching for a wife material to make a home but while searching for the wife material, they tend to chill with any available woman until they find what they are looking for. Most women unknown to them, are filling a temporary vacancy while the search continues for the men, the reason they remain in an undefined relationship for so long a time it takes the man to find his perfect match and then the question he has refused to ask all these while comes out – will you marry me?
A woman should not necessarily propose to a man especially with the African setting and all but there indeed are subtle ways to go about these things at least to ascertain if you are not being used to fill a temporary position. When a woman is with a matured man (he is made and ready) for 1-2years and he is not making moves to formally introduce you to his folks neither is he interested in getting close to yours, this should put you on enquiry albeit in a subtly way – dear, when am I formally meeting your folks, am wondering what they look like? Dear, isn’t time for you to come home and at least see and know where mine are? From his reaction and responds to these questions you should be able to tell where you stand, am told that asking a man – will you marry me or not? It puts them at alert. Look for subtle ways to know what he really wants from you is he always talking of the future with you or he singles himself out? It’s very important. If he dose not seem ready to include you in his future plans, please pack him up, forget the ticking clock, wait for yours, he will surely come. Put your sensuality to good use, get a complete make over if you have to, just wait……and be happy while yours comes.
From a woman’s point of view
A woman knows a man she can settle down with, when a woman is ripe to make a home she is always anxious to settle down with the one she loves. It is uncommon for a woman to turn down a marriage proposal, it may not be an outright No, it may come in the form of – common dear, there really is no rush for this now, or in any other form of excuse, when as a man you hear these excuses, plus she has refused or in subtle manner told you you are not welcomed in their home – mummy will not permit male visitors and all that , as a man please find out if you are a temporary fixture in her life while she searches for her real man. Be subtle, it’s very important. If she turns you down once more, please refuse to be used temporarily, pack her up, you are a guy, act as such for pets sake! Get a grip and move on, search for yours for you will find her.
There really is no point hanging around a woman or a man that only wants you to fill a temporary gap while the search for the real one is on, you can save yourself the eventual pain and move on. Isn’t it better to be single for you better half to see and meet with you than to have a temporary fixture occupy your space?
When both parties in a relationship are matured enough, there really is no reason to be in a relationship for say 4-5years before ascertaining if you are meant for each other except of course you are both waiting for the right persons to propose to or accept their proposal.
PS, many thanx for all your comments, work wont allow me post individual replies and am usually very useless by time I get home at night, please bear with me but be sure I read every one of them comments and appreciate them…..lol