Thursday, September 27, 2007

isn't this beautiful?

men and space in relationships

“Space” in a relationship or spacing in relationships is your ability to realize that your partner needs to have a life of his own while the relationship exists and giving him the required freedom to lead that life. Spacing in a relationship is a major challenge more so when you don’t trust your man. I usually advise that you take your time to know your man well enough to trust him, am not ignorant of the fact that these days we simply cannot allow ourselves to trust a man 100%. A level of commitment is however required before you can allow yourself trust a man. you all will agree with me that it makes no sense going through all the hassles of giving a man that is not committed to you emotionally some space or even to assume to have a relationship going for you when there is none. basically, you need to ascertain the existence of a relationship and some level of emotional attachment before thinking of allowing such relationship grow by playing the spacing game once in a while. To give a man space simply means to act unavailable while available, being a bit elusive, giving him the desired or required freedom to either hang out with the ‘boys’ or do what ever he likes from time to time.


No matter how happy both of you are in a relationship a man will still want to keep his identity, he wants to be able to spend quality time with his friends once in a while, he wants to be able to look at and admire an attractive girl with his friends and even make some naughty remarks about her without your being around to caution him, when all these has been done, he will come back to you and appreciate what he has got.
You can even pretend to be unavailable for your routine weekend program or hanging out for once and let him miss you, after all he can’t even miss you when you are always around and this makes him take you for granted sometimes. Well this might not be so in all case, don’t get me wrong, am not saying you should always disappear from your routine activities, all am saying is that once in a while, take you time and act elusive, give him a challenge to keep you, stair the pot sometimes, make him realize that you can actually be seeing someone else if you want to.

How this works for you?

Being complacence in a relationship gives room for boredom and this automatically kills the chemistry between you two. This is what leads most men to either double date or to cheat on their partner out rightly. When a man realizes that you no longer are a challenge in any way, i.e. always hanging around him and seeking attention, it starts to bore him, you become predictably, he feels he can no longer catch fun with his woman, he feels the challenge is no longer there and then he looks elsewhere for the challenge he so desires and these things invariably end a relationship. Giving your man some space actually helps renew the relationship.

Here are some tips on how to go about this.
Pick a weekend, about 2days before the weekend,

make sure you look absolutely fabulous
go see him and say to him ………sorry darlyn, am not able to see you this weekend, reason being………….
tell him how much you love and will miss him
be absolutely in control while pretending to be in a hurry to go do something really urgent
tell him to behave but have fun so he can tell you about it when you get back
while you are “away” act busy, don’t call him but if he calls, let it ring and then pick up when he calls you again and you go “ hello darlyn, sorri I missed the first I was so busy with blah blah blah" , don’t stay too long then hang up.
when you finally are back after the weekend, don’t see him on Monday, Tuesday you can go see him and then you know what next……
end of the game

What you see above is just an act to show to your man that you can actually be busy or have fun or carry on your work without him and still be in control. This is a fresh challenge to him which should keep him on his feet and keep him guessing. While you are away he will imagine you with another man and realize the need to work hard at keeping his pretty damsel.

Hmmmm, that’s it on spacing,

Let me know how this works out for those of you that will be daring enough to try it out.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

‘Space’ in relationships

What dose it mean to give your man some space from time to time? How will it impact on the relationship? What dose it do to “him” as a man?

Watch out for my next post on men and space in relationships and how it helps the relationship grow.

ms. emotions

Monday, September 24, 2007

He loves me, he loves me not

As a woman you tend to be familiar to this line of question. He loves me? He loves me not? So how can you really know weather he really loves you or not?

The best way to answer this question is by asking instead is this love or infatuation?
Love is a friendship that has “caught” fire overtime while infatuation is an instant fire or an instant desire.
It becomes dangerous to differentiate love and infatuation in the early stage of a relationship, say in the first one to three weeks. This is the stage I like to call the “formation stage”. Needless to say that love its self starts with a strong sexual attraction for the opposite sex – a strong sexual attraction itself can be called infatuation hence the difficulty is discerning what he feels for you within the first to three weeks of starting a relationship.
What I call the formation stage is that period where a man tries to discover what he feels for you or what he wants to do with you. This is the stage where if its love, he starts developing some sorta emotional attachment to you which in no time blossoms into love, while if he is just sexually interested he acts so obvious that it isn’t hard for you to tell that he is infatuated.

After about a month of being in a relationship with a man, you must be able to look out for the signs that tell u what he feels for you, is it love or infatuation? Your inner instinct will tell you. Do u guys remember my last post on emotional fulfillment where I said in your hearts of heart, you are able to tell weather or not you are emotionally fulfilled? Same thing also applies in this instance.

If a man is infatuated, as a lady, you will be able to tell by accessing how he acts when you are together. Is he always looking forward to ending it in intimacy? Always wanting to ‘get it’ from you? Is that all he looks forward to each time you are together, if yes, the guy is only sexually attracted to you which in most cases is termed infatuation. This though is not the end of the world really as most guys find sexual attraction coming on strong to them before love dose. in essence, a guy sexually attracted to you can turn around and feel deep love for you in the long run. But the fear is that he may just remain infatuated and overtime just like the attraction dies a natural death and he takes off.

Love on the other hand takes a root and grows one day at a time, if a guy is in love with you, each time you are together he feel quite relaxed and always is on the look out for fun and exciting activities u can involve yourselves while you are together. He is more interested in things that affects and matters to you and how they affect you. Love they say lights up a man so much so that you really will not have to ask if he loves or loves you not.

Wow!!! I think I have to go back to work hoping that I have been able make some sense in my little write up.

Pls! Pls! Pls! Leave me a comment if by chance you happen to drop by so I can at least know am not the only person that reads my post. lol
Your comments will be welcomed!


Friday, September 21, 2007


Emotional fulfillment is a state of being content with who you perceive yourself to be. It is a feeling of completeness, being content with all that makes you “you”, your failure and success. It is an emotionally induced feeling which deep within your hearts of heart you are able to tell weather or not you feel fulfilled.

Emotional fulfillment comes with you having a sense of achievement, appreciation and the need to be you and do what makes you happy. i.e. you being heard and appreciated, you giving luv and not necessarily looking to receive luv( a lot of us don’t know that giving luv leaves you open to receiving luv), feeling obligated to help others without looking to be thanked for it, ( helping others naturally brings help your way, especially when you do so unconsciously, it kind of makes you fell good).
Emotional fulfillment is never about being in a great relationship, being happily married or being successful No! It has to do with coming to terms with your failures and seeing it as one of those things that makes you human and having the resolve to give it another shot; it is about knowing what your emotional needs are and working towards achieving them.

In my last post, I talked about a beauty personified lady, that’s a true beauty that has got all and everything to offer the world, yet she doesn’t feel emotionally fulfilled likewise a great dude that’s got almost all the good things in life yet he remains unhappy because he knows he doesn’t feel fulfilled emotionally. But how can we truly feel fulfilled when we cannot even identify what our emotional needs are? When we do not know what being fulfilled emotional is?

Emotional needs and how to fulfill them

some of our emotional needs are, getting and giving attention, having a sense of achievement and purpose, the need to be heard and understood, the need to help and be helped, the need to be appreciated and loved( while showing luv to those around us) and the need for security.

Being emotionally fulfilled

You can only be emotionally fulfilled when you begin to accept who you are and know what your emotional needs are. A lot of us think that emotional fulfillment comes with being in luv, this is not true as you can be in luv yet unfulfilled emotionally.
The earlier to understand what our needs are emotionally and begin to work towards achieving them, the sooner we will find that we are emotionally fulfilled after all.

Me, real

Thursday, September 20, 2007

are you emotionally fulfilled?

i actually feel very scared as it is, here i am posting for the very first time on my blog, lol. meanwhile i simply can't remember how long ago i ve been reading other blogs, some days i just sit in my office and read new posts on all my fav blogs.
it didnt occur to me that i will oneday create my own blog. My Own Bog? omg ! so i own one now? funny.
anyways this isnt gonna be about my day to day experiences or personal stuffs, No !
am gonna be doing more of the real emotional stuffs and worries we ladys" and gents out there go thru and how to remain happy and see positive sides of it all. on this blog, am going to be talking about love, hatred, relationships, forgiveness, happiness and then a bit of spiritual stuff, not that am saint myself, but try i will.

ok! i have decided to write on YOU & YOUR Emotions in my first post.
let me warn you though that this will be some kind of anonymous blog with my identity disclosed to a few if need be. you may also leave your comments and questions if any, not that i have quite brought myself to believe that i will have reader at all, lol

You and Your Emotions
have you every been in a situation where you find yourselve wondering if you will ever be emotionally fulfilled? you know, like in your heart of hearts you ask yourselve this question - am i emotionally fulfilled? and then you seem unable to find answer to this question?
lets look at this in this light, you are a young guy or lady who has everything to offer the opposite sex, as a guy you know you ve got it, tall, handsome and sexy looking, wealth, brains, you name it....some people look at you and they go ooooooooooooooohhhhhhh gosh ! you are handsome ! you ve got it all ! yet deep down you know you dont feel fulfilled emotonally
and as lady, you are what they call beauty personified, you v e got that look, those gorgeous legs, pretty face that get heads rolling in your direction, nice job or even nice relationship, yet you are not emotionally happy, you feel you are not fulfilled, you just know there is a wide gap and space that has to be occupied by something or someone?

then watch out for my next post where am going to explain fully what emotional fulfillment is all about and how to achieve emotional fulfillment.

until then, remain happy,

its me,