Thursday, January 31, 2008

How much should you tell your girlfriend?

Am going to be very brief and precise cos we all know what am talking about…….

It has never happened to me, maybe because naturally am a bit secretive, but I know a lot of us girls have fallen victim.
Men are different some girls will say, I prefer to have a guy friend instead of a girlfriend। I do not have a close girlfriend others will say, but give me guy any day then am ok.

When you dig deep you did realize that most of these gals have been burnt by their so called friends and friendship। I belong to the school that preaches that you should guard your love jealously। I do not mean this as an offence to anybody, some gals can be vicious, they love only that which belongs to another, to them, it’s better and sweeter to go for your man first and then remember friendship later.

You take the mushy little details of your love life to them who are almost in a sour relationship and expect to get an applause from them?

I as a person appreciate my girlfriends, in fact I enjoy my friendship with them, but to me I have an unspoken agreement with my friends, yea, we don’t talk about it because we really don’t need to, the line is there, drawn deep into the sand, not made obvious, but with little hints, I tell you to mind your business when it comes to giving those details I feel are too personal in my love life।

Some may call it being too secretive others may see it as being paranoid, but the fact still remains that am able to keep my sanity। Yes, you get to keep your sanity; you are excused from having to worry your head about what your man dose or will do with your gal friend behind your back.

These things happens all the time, a best friend taking her friend’s man, a man getting married to an ex’s friend and all that, it would have meant nothing if both had met on a neutral ground, not through you, I think it hurts more when you realize that your friend got your man because you gave her a helping hand by divulging those sensitive information and details

Having a close friend (gal) that you tell everything is not the problem, telling her everything that happens between you and your man isn’t really the problem, how she handles this information is what the real problem is। Why not save yourself the headache of trying to figure that out by keeping a little for your use when giving your friend or friends your love gist?

I heard somewhere sometime ago that women when it comes to relationships and love are goal oriented; they possess a sleeping power of displacement.
Yes I call it sleeping because most of us don’t even know we possess such powers not until we find out that we have need for it।

How much should you tell?

Don’t tell your friend what will make her get thirsty for you man, some friends are really good but some can be vicious and use whatever information you share against you, some may even go for the killer – take your man from you।


Friday, January 25, 2008

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?...........most times women cheat too

Indeed this is a controversial topic hence the need for my in-depth research to familiarize myself with what cheating itself is all about.

Cheating is the Violation of Exclusivity, Physical and Emotional that binds those in a Committed Relationship
There is some controversy as to that which constitutes "cheating" in a marriage or other committed relationship.

I think I was a bit myopic when I summed up and asked the question ….can men be faithful in relationships? that I have chosen to correct this so as to properly deliver this topic of mine, now I ask …..Are those in committed relationships always faithful even when they are apart from each other?
One cheats when one shares intimacy with the non-partner and violates the quality of exclusivity.

Staying faithful is indeed a personal decision that has to be taken by an individual, male or female, its also dependent on the kind of relationship it is you are in, some people in the early stage of their relationship agree to go ‘monogamous’ or ‘polygamous’ as the case maybe.

In the above context, am going to answer the question I posed in my last post…. if my friend’s boy friend had agreed with my friend to go polygamous while away, he definitely isn’t cheating on my friend by having sex with other women, but if their relationship was agreed to be exclusive, then he really has been cheating on his girlfriend.

I try to be very realistic in all I do and I say, which brings me back to the same tots I had when I put up the last post. My friend’s boyfriend most definitely has not been without a woman for 11months 16 days now, no matter how emotional we get here, he definitely has been with a woman, this was confirmed even by his own gf, she obviously dose not believe he has been celibate since then, what matters now is this….now that they are engaged, he is expected to be faithful as the announcement of their engagement has implied that they have moved to another level were utmost exclusivity has to come into play.
Different women have a different view as to what constitutes ‘cheating’. For some women, for the man simply to look at another woman may be regarded as cheating, for other women it is being intimate with another person that constitutes ‘cheating, and there are some women who appear able to accept flirting and even intimacy with another person but it is an emotional involvement that constitutes ‘cheating’ – Douglas woods.
Cheating is usually a symptom of an unhealthy relationship। It destroys friendships, breaks trust, and causes guilt, anger, hurt and many other negative emotions। Cheating in relationships is not going to last. People know all these facts, but still go on cheating others.

There are several reasons why cheating, adultery, infidelity and extra marital affairs often occur in many relationships. People are complicated and appearances can be deceptive. Cheating in relationships depends upon several factors. One important factor is the choice of a partner or spouse. If the choice is not in line with what they require or wish, or with what their partner can give them, there is a chance of cheating.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Making love…….fucking…….sex…… are men always faithful?

Common darlyn, it meant nothing……. I was just looking that’s all…….ok ! I fucked her, but it was just sex!!! Nothing more…look, I just had a fling, it didn’t mean anything really …there were no strings attached, its you am in love with darlyn.

On my way home from work on Friday, I was thinking, didn’t even know I was thinking aloud, muttering to my self all the way home. My line of thoughts was ‘can men be entirely faithful?’. Please don’t get me wrong here, not faithful in love, I know for a fact that, a man can love you faithfully, you know, staying in love with you for real.

What I mean by being faithful is, can a man maintain a sex partner for a long time without wanting to sample another especially if his partner is away for a while?
Hmmmm, all these thoughts were running riot in my head that evening. It then occurred to me that something must have triggered this tot, I flashed back to that same Friday afternoon, my gal friend had called to intimate me of her engagement/ introduction rites that is coming up during the Easter period, oh ! I was indeed happy for her. Her bf has been away abroad for almost a year now, for his masters program. It got me thinking, this guy sure loves this gal, but all these months, has he been without a woman? If nothing just to satisfy his sexual urge? I knew right there and then that I must be the biggest joker in town.

Several names has been created for this action of theirs, they call it a fling, just sex, fucking or nothing at all. Please don’t get me wrong, am not sanctioning this action of theirs, am just not being ignorant of that fact

Is it possible that my friend’s bf abroad for say, 11months has been without a woman? If No is this cheating on his gf/fiancĂ©e?

Let’s hear from you all, especially the male folks, educate us on this with all your comments please………Hugs****

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Sometimes I wonder which is easier to do, to forgive on the spot or trying to prolong it. Dose it really matter how long it takes you to forgive people when they wrong you? Dose keeping your forgiveness from such people for a long time make them more remorseful?

I can’t comprehend it, I mean; I look around me I find people carrying so many loads on their shoulders all in the name of prolonged forgiveness. I simply can’t understand why it takes some people so long to forgive others when wronged. I take a little survey around me, I ask questions, and I get almost same answer – I have sworn never to forgive him/her for what he/she did to me.

The seed of hatred is planted at the point you were offended, this seed if not checked by forgiving whoever it was that offended right on time germinates, it grows as the days pass by. This plant is being watered by your resolve not to forgive. It takes its root and grows into a mighty tree.
Now, which is easier? Digging out this seed right about when it was planted or when it has grown into a large tree? Do you know how long it will take you to fell this tree of hatred, search and cut off its root in other for it not to grow again?

Some people simply can’t forgive, I mean it’s not in them to forgive and truth be told, you can’t blame them. Forgiveness itself is like a school, you have to be tutored in it, undergo its training and then graduate. I really do not blame people who are unable to forgive, rather I kind of pity them, you know, them having to cope with some much load on their shoulder, so much anger and hatred rather than forgiving.

I guess am in my own world, in my world I feel forgiveness should be given right on spot, it makes things easier, I simply do not believe in procrastinating, it doesn’t make the offender more remorseful or anything, rather it puts you in an uncomfortable position. I believe so much in forgiveness, I also know that its hard to do depending on the gravity of the offence, but I plead with you all never to procrastinate, I mean it may be difficult to forgive on the spot but in all it should not be dragged. Some times I think I give my forgiveness to soon, I wonder if it’s a weakness, but sometimes I find myself not really caring if it’s too soon so long it keeps me happy, gosh! This life is just too short for such stress, forgive people as fast as you can and leave them with their conscience and go on being happy. It makes sense that way or so I think.

It’s even more important in our relationships, it’s nicer to forgive and make up right there and then than to go days before settling your differences.
Please make this a rule if you want, never go to bed without making up with your loved ones when they offend you.

Bottom line of these entire gists is …..

Try as much as possible to forgive people who offends you almost on the spot, its easier that way.
Have an open mind about issues; always remember that you may find yourself in dire need of someone’s forgiveness someday.
In a relationship, forgiveness on the spot is most advisable as it keeps you two together.

Regards my friends

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

act the bitch .............

I want to thank you all that finds time amidst your tight schedule to read thru and leave comments on my posts, though I may not find time to post individual replies but I want you all to know that you are highly appreciated.

This post is strictly for the gals this time, I know I have also got male readers, please just bear with us ladies this time around. That is not to say you can’t read and leave your comments tho.

Act the bitch simply means act as if you don’t give a care, act as if it dose not matter weather he stays or not, act as if you don’t have any care in the world while showing love.

As Africans there is this good girl lines that most women try to work at. You try to be the perfect girlfriend to your man, too scared to go against his numerous wishes and acting out his fantasies for real.
Dancing to a man’s every wish dose not make you keep his attentions neither dose it make him love you more rather it lowers the respect he has for you and you will only become a bore in a matter of time.

Acting the bitch actually works better in the early days of your dating him, you know those times when you are not sure what he wants, if he is staying or wants to sample and go? Yes those are the most effective periods to act the bitch.
Always have it at the back of your mind that because a man asked you out or for a relationship dose not mean he wants one. I mean how else is he supposed to get close to you other than by giving you the ‘desired’ line.

Having noted that, its now up to you to strategize on how to keep him (that’s if he is worth keeping) after the first few weeks I mean after the initial passion or infatuation wears off. This is were acting the bitch comes in again, at this point be careful how you process this information as it may work for or against you especially when misused.
After the initial infatuation wears off you are faced with the issue of keeping his attention and making it work. Keeping a relationship after the first few months especially after the passion has been spent is a little bit difficult, you find that both of you wants excitement, something to encourage you to stay and when this is not happening a relationship goes bad.
In as much as you dance to your man’s every whims, you grant him less challenges, granting him less challenges makes him believe he has conquered and having believed he has conquered, he searches for adventures and challenges elsewhere.

Now, there is nothing wrong with your granting your man some of his wishes sometimes, its how many times you grant him such wishes that matters. If you grant a man his fantasies too many times, he tends to take you for granted.

I must say there is a prerequisite for acting the bitch, for you to act as if you don’t care what your man dose in his spare times, for you not to be jumpy as regards who calls him or who he calls, for you take time off even when you are suppose hang out with him to see your friends or do some other things of interests that those not include him and then come back to him with details of a well spent day and then make excuses for your absence, for you to encourage him when he chooses to hang out with friends instead of you which is practically what acting the bitch is all about, you must very comfortable in your own skin and be able to take charge of your life.

True some men are scared of women that have a life but the real men respect and run after them. Some men call them bitches while most men run after these bitches who in the real sense are complete women.
Its nice to alternate being the good girl and the bitch just to keep their attention, you know stir the pot once in while and keep the excitement going.

Personally I don’t read relationship books because they all say the same thing, I research, surf the net, add whatever I find to what I see happen around me and my personal principles then I get my ideas, am only trying to say your objective criticism and improvement if any is always welcomed.


Wednesday, January 2, 2008

knowing when to let go.........

It indeed was a tough struggle; it almost became an obsession, a need to make it work. I felt I could make things better through my own effort alone, oh! How I had this desire to make it work, each nite had me thinking of what I would do should it all come to an end.

I didn’t mind compromising my standard, principles and belief, it became a battle in which losing wasn’t considered an option. I became a shadow of myself, a living corpse, I was fading gradually yet I wasn’t bothered, my only concern was to win the battle at hand.

I made all the sacrifice there was to be made, I made all the calls, I had to swallow by pride and flush it down my throat all in the struggle to keep the man I thought I would die should he end the relationship !

I felt this relationship was made in heaven, oh! How i relished the little attention he throws my way each time he deemed it fit to do so. It was at this time that I made my close friends and associates my confidante, it was I that was always seeking advice for my non existent and anonymous friend, it became an obsession instead of love, I fell out of love with him without knowing, the love I felt was replaced by an obsession to have him to myself in the course of which I suffered dearly.

I was always looking for avenues and opportunities to bring up relationship questions, I went in search of relationship books and it was at this time that I realized that most of those books are filled with unrealistic ways of getting a man to love you. I was always first to ask – is anything wrong with me being the one to call my boyfriend? It’s okay to compromise a lot because you are in love right? Always too anxious to pose the question, how healthy it is to call up your man every now and then because he claims he dose not have the money or time to buy a recharge card? And somehow I managed to get an answer that suits me, the answers I always wanted to get, yes its okay, yes there is nothing wrong with it and all that.
This is the same guy that comes to tell me how low on cash he was at the moment because he was trying to complete his structure (building) within a given time frame; it’s the same guy that tells you how he has spent all his up front allowance to buy a new car. I began to wonder if indeed something was wrong with me, I actually drew conclusion that something was wrong with me or if not why can’t this guy spare some few nairas to recharge his phone so he can call me let alone buy me gifts?. Its seem to be impossible to call my man and have him pick up at odd hours because he never was ‘around’ his phones, I could never get him on his mobile phones some days or weekends because he was either too busy or had to leave town on official trip on short notice. I go to visit him and he instructs me not to wonder far from the house because his uncle lived close by? Wasn’t it crazy? But really its true, its this same my man that goes to see his uncle who leaves close by while I remain at home because its rude to take me along on his numerous visits to his uncles, why don’t u wait till we do a proper introduction?

How I longed for him to pick up his phone and call me at least once in two days, how I longed for him to pick up my calls when I called him at odd hours, how I longed for him to call me those days that I refused calling because I was getting tired of being the one to always call. It dawned on me that I was struggling to keep that relationship, I was practically carrying it on my head to avoid the inevitable end, this man that can’t waste his time returning my calls when my credit goes off amid discussion surely uses his time and credits on someone he wants and loves and surely that person wasn’t me.

When the end finally came through no fault of mine, I wept like a baby, I begged, I cajoled, I threatened, I pleaded, oh how I always cried myself to sleep for the first one week. The most painful part of it all was that this man won’t or couldn’t tell me what I had done to make him dump me.

But I moved on with my life with a big determination to be happy, I threw myself into my studies, I read like I had never done before, I took part in all social activities just to ‘forget’, my job became my companion, the bible my regular novel. I purged my mind with all the positive reasons I had to let go of the ‘past’ and be happy. It was at this time that I created a new identity for myself, I developed a new attitude to life, I became a “ if he can’t do all the running and struggling then he is not ready to have me” kind of person, I realized and then tutored myself to always hold back something for myself, I told myself I wasn’t going to give more than 30% in any relationship until the man gives 70% and then I can begin to chip more in until it attains a 50 : 50 balance on the scale.

Now that I had let go, I met an angel for a man, a man that worships the very floor I step on, a man that didn’t stop calling me after the first few weeks of the relationship, a man that didn’t see anything wrong in my calling at 12am or him calling a 3am to wake me to read for my exams, a man that isn’t tired to tell me how much he loves me, a man that displays me like his prized possession before his family. I began to think what it would have cost me had I not let go of that brute I called my boyfriend, it began to dawn on me that the longer I held on to that mess of a relationship I was in, the longer it would have taken me to meet this angel.
It’s now that I know what fun it is to be called up at odd hours by your love just to be appreciated and to have him call every now and then just to find out how I was doing.

Please, this piece was lifted from my diary, I can’t remember if it was I who found myself in that position, my friend or friend(s), or an acquaintance ( winks, I guess its my little secret ), but believe me its real and a lot of us find ourselves in such situation at one point or the other, men can also find themselves in this kind of situation where they have to struggle to keep a woman they believe means the world to them, a woman they believe they can’t have a normal life without.

The magic and only solution for this, is to let go, because its only when u do that u can meet that someone better, someone that will give u a new perception of the word love.
This should be applied in every areas of our lives, when you have struggled too much for something or someone, when u have worked to too hard for something and yet it refuses to yield positive result , please let go for something better to come into your life.

Watch out for my next post ACT THE BITCH and watch him run after you.

may 2008 led you to your utmost desires

Regards Ms. Emotions