hulllo all,
well i guess i have to be diplomatic in answering this question since its a very sensitive one. at this point i must say that my answer to this question naturally isnt the only answer or the only approach to either ensure that your man dose not raise his hands against you 'ever' again or he dose so only when he is soooooooooo pushed to back up against the wall that he can't but hit you which to me is a call to end the relationship or if you wish to go ahead is your own personal cup of tea.
now back to business, when your man hits you for the very first time in your relationship for whatever reasons ' punish him' and ensure you do so real good.
below are the 5 basic things to do in steps when he hits you for the first time in your relationship.
1. the moment he commits the 'blunder' act very very suprised which naturally you should be, it will be nice to say something like 'waattttttt' give him a very depreciating dirty look while maintaining eye contact and then walk out on him fast without saying one word and dont even let him touch you or talk you from leaving his presence at that point.
2. remain incommunicado for about 3 or 4 days, would be nice if you can bring yourself to remain so for at least a week. during this time, DO NOT TAKE HIS CALLS, don't discuss it with any of his or your mutual frds even if he has asked them to do so.
3. you can now take his call for the first time since the 'blunder', watever you do, dont discuss it over the phone, agree to meet any where other than his or your home. when you do meet, let him start off, listen to his appologies and excuses for raising his hands on you, remain silient but maintain eye contact with him. when he has finished, tell him it all happened in rush and you really are trying to come to terms with the fact that he could actually raise his hands on you. tell him you need some time to think through wether its worth continuing the relationship or not after which you take your leave, HE MUST NOT DROP YOU OFF.
4. now, all these hard times are for him to realize that you are not cut out for abusive relationship and to make him understand that if he keeps at it,you will not hesitate to end the the relationship ( well, you may not even have the liver to do so, but it aint a bad idea to give him that impression o). take at least two days to punish him some more, dont take his calls, avoid his or your usual hang outs but if you must hang out, go with another man.
5. now, call him and invite him over, accept his appologises and you knnoooww, make up the usual way ( winks) make sure you talk over this, tell me what you feel about him raising his hands on you and tell it was really hard for you to come to terms with and that it was a fatal mistake that you know he wont ever make again.
well thats it, dont ever take the issue of your man battering you lightly as it may become a nasty routine.
if you have any comments or other ideas on how to do this better, pls pls pls leave me a comment.
cheers, its a woman's world.
me, ms. emotions
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38 comments:
hits me the first time and i'm gone forever, apologies or not, flowers or diamonds...i'll take em', but there will be no remorse and great making up from him...
theres always a tendecy that he'd hit again, he's done it once after all...
what if the woman hits the man...
I experienced this once...
She hit me the first time, I smiled...
she did it the second time, and I said "you hit a man once, I consider it a mistake, you do it a second time, you are aware..."
and she did it a third time, I let it land on my face, and help her hands afterwards... and I said "You don't get a third chance, but you got one..."
and then a fourth using her left hand, and it came really fast...
I smiled... the next thing happened so fast...
We're still friends...
I don't advocate laying hands on women for any reason whatsoever, but some women are just.... *sigh*
I just don't believe in violence and I don't preach violence on either sex... cos violence begat violence
he hits me once and i'm putting his rass behind bars :-)...... i'm sure its easier said than done tho. Thanks for visiting my blog. appeciate the comments.........
I never saw my father hit my mother once till his transition and I often break down whenever I see a man hitting a woman.
I had to rescue a girl from an abusive relationship.
She was a beautiful former runner up in the Miss. Unilag Beauty Pageant in Nigeria and had a sadist for a boyfriend.
It was a battle to rescuse her and my younger cousin, Emeka Enyiocha had to confront the boyfriend to save her from further abuse.
I have seen tragedies in abusive relationships. My cousin died after her husband beat her whilst she was pregnant.
Please, leave any man who does not appreciate the dignity, integrity and sanctity of your womanhood.
A hit on the face or other parts of the body can cause more internal physical and psychological damages than the bruises and pains.
An abusive relationship could make the victim hypertensive.
My sister later slumped after her husband hit her and only God saved her life. She is still receiving medical attention weeks later.
If a woman makes the man angry, he should sit her down and express his annoyance or disapproval like a real man and not turning violent like an uncivilized primitive native or beast.
SAY NO TO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN.
If the woman is the abusive one, the man should leave her if she is unrepentant and not exchanging punches with her.
"You go kill me today!" is a very common cry of most women as men beat them up indoors and outdoors in Nigeria.
The shocking thing, the victim continues to throw herself at the man to continue beating her!
Please, one hit is enough.
Run. Run. Run.
Run for your life before it is too late.
Run to where you would be safe and secured.
But please, beware of running from the frying pan into the fire.
Once beaten, twice shy.
Cheers and God bless.
@Orikinla Osinachi, wow, thats crazy and we really should be saying No to voilence instead of accomodating it, my friend was dating this guy, we warned her about him from the start, he has a history of violence, his mama and his sisters...that shows he wouldnt have any respect for her, but she wouldnt listen, we didnt hear till much later that she was also prone to his violent rages, and had to be in a hospital a couple of times, shes out now and i'm happy for her...
unnaked was the slaps in a kinky way?...maybe thats why u could stand it...lol'
at least i know u wouldnt be laying any 'smack that's' on me.
There is fire on the mountain, run, run, run. If a partner hits you, run. My cousin male cousin was hospitalised for days after his wife beat him silly. It works both ways. Domestic violence must not be toleraed particulaly in Naija,because are laws are not tight. the man or woman will beat you to death, bury you somewhere and nothing will happen. His or her life will go on, yours will end.
1stly, we all know that a zebra can never wipe away its stripes. So my advice: never go back. Walk away.
A man who can take a swing at a woman is a coward and that kind of man never changes.
FACT.
I think you should walk away permanently if a guy hits you. Statistics say he will continue, no matter how apologetic he's been.
i don't think anyone should stay in a relationship where one partner is abusive. What is that? Hit me once, kiss me goodbye. No need.
A man hits me, I hire some "boys" to "explain" to him that it was a bad idea.
And if I ever see him again, I will assume he did not "understand" the "explanation" so I might be quite emphatic with my message which will be attached to the bullets of my AK47
Is it really ok
No. It's never ok. No need to punish him back. It's not worth it. He will eventually get pay back. Trust me I know.
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My husband hit me by our 3 month anniversary. I gave him one more chance. 10 months his temper is getting out of control and he is terrorizing me. I know he will hit me soon. Bottom line....he's out of mylife . It took a protective order to do it but I did whatever it took. Get out now ladies. It will only get worse each time.
I'm at a lose as to what to do in my situation. My man was putting a bracelet on me that he didn't like I punched him the the shoulder/chest area and hr flipped out....raised his hand and slapped me them grabbed me by the throat and pushed me up against the wall telling me never to hit him again...my son 7 year old son watch the whole thing. If he hasn't been there...best believe I would have hit him back. I calmly told him my son was watching and how let go. I went to the room and broke down. He can in a tried appolgizing telling me he was with a girl that hit him all the time and he was not going to deal with it again. I feel it wasn't an argument but more of be quiet and put the bracelet on kinda hit. Should I stay? Knowing not to "play" like that again? I told him he was lucky my son was there. He may be stronger but I wouldn't have been as calm...I would have fought back..and if I ended up in the hospital or would be OK Cuz he would end up in jail. I'm so confused as to what to do...
Sorry for a lot of misspelled words...a little drunk now...least for tonight anyways...
Don't feel bad i been in abused relationship that my dad put his hands on my mom for no reason and contuinely keep hitting my mom for no reason and then beat the fuck out of me.. same then with the first relationship i was in with my boyfriend he was a control freak he would follow me whereever i went and then when i got back home he starting hitting me for no reason he would qustion where i have been i kept letting him beat me that's when i start defense on him and started to hit me. me and him broke up for good and now I'm moved on and look back that he need help and he shouldn't of hit me like that. the relationships i been in i never got beating up.... i learned to fight bacck and if he keeps hitting the best situation is to step back if he keeps hitting u go somewhere for a little
Relationship have a good and bad ending if a man starts to hit me i would hit him back for a reson and if he keeps hitting break up with him and leave pack ur clothes and leave don't come back if he ask where u going don't tell him or he might follow u.. or call the cops on him for hitting you. but this remember it isn't ur fault its his for hitting u trust me i been in a abusive relationship so i know what's it like i been the second time i hit him back then i went somewhere to cool down as soon as i got back
He wanted to talk to me so i let myself to cool off and talked to him and said he was sorry for hitting mr and told him I'm not going that same road ever agian he give me a hugg he broke my glass and bruise my.face so yeah i was going to break up with him but i told myself give me a chance if he keeps hitting leave him he ain't worth it....
So here is my question. Im a girl that only hits when we are joking. I've been raised with 6 brothers. So when the other jokes and talking crap. I laugh and hit. I was told I hit hard and warned not to hit them anymore. Ok I stopped. We decided later to be just friends and I moved. Well years past and Im older now and my first reaction isnt to hit anymore during a joke. Well me and the guy from the past are now in a relationship and live together. Its going on almost a year now. But the other day as we were joking about how he got me and my son sick. He laughed and said no he didnt then pulled out a cup that sais f*ck o*f and smiled. So I barely slapped him on his arm making sure it wasnt hard. And told him shut up turned and walked away. When he hit me once so hard knocking the wind out of me. Pissed he said I thought I told you not to hit me. Im in disbelief because as a joke he will do love taps on my leg,butt, back, or shoulder. Never hurting me just when we play or goofing around. And the second I barely touch him he hits the wind out of me. Thats not normal but I told hil after that he sleeps on the couch and now Im off limits. We argued about it for a minute 2 days later when I made sure my son wasnt around. He said he is sorry for knocking the wind out of me but not for hitting me. That I was warned. So I told him fine but ge can no longer hit me playfully either. He looked at me like I was over reacting. When it just seems fair. But now I wonder if this is just the beginning of a abusive relationship ora lifetime of a boring one. Who likes to be serious and have no spark in a relationship. Besides that we get along just fine it almost seems out of his nature. But then again he never was really sorry either....????
One week before our 9th anniversary we were out with some friends and quite a lot of drink was involved. Nothing unusual bout this BUT when parting from our friends my husband turned nasty and lifted his hand to me and gave me black eye. I am a teacher and had to go into work and pretend I hit my eye on a cupboard. All I get is that he does not hit women, its not his personality and he pushed me out of way. Who pushes anyone in the face I ask? I have told him to get out (was my house before we married) but 3 weeks on he has tried to get round me. To date I can't see a light at the end of tunnel as I don't know if this will happen again as statistics prove this. I can barely bring myself to look at him and he is definitely not in same bed as me since this happened. I THINK I love him but my aunt and friend who were in abusive relationships say it will definitely happen again. My dad hit my mum once and never did it again but he verbally abused her which is just as bad. My heads in turmoil. I have avoided majority of best friends cos I know I will tell them and if I try to make marriage work they will resent him. I know I would be the same if it were any of my friends.
Annonymous:
i personally think that if your man hits u for the first time and his not sorry for it then there is a possibility that he may do it again,and again. unless he apologizes and admit to his mistake of laying his hands on you, and assure you that it will never happen again. so from my stand point when a man does admit to his mistake and assure that it was a mistake and he has never done it before and that it will never happen again...then that is a real man. he must also make it a point that he gets help for his anger or losing temper and also the girlfriend get counseling for things to get back to normal and for both parties to move on without holding anything regarding their feelings back.
PERSONALLY, I WOULD NEVER GO BACK TO A MAN WHO BEATS BE, EVEN IF he DOES IT ONCE AND A MAN WHO CHEATS ON ME, EVEN IF SHE CHEATED ONCE. I WOULD ACCEPT HIS APOLOGY AND IT LL STOP AT THAT....!BECAUSE IT IS WELL KNOWn THAT IN MAJORITY OF THESES SITUATIONS, THERE IS AT LEAST 85% CHANCE HE LL BEAT YOU AND CHEAT AGAIN....!one day , in a hotel during a trip , my ex boyfriend whom i almost married ( 2 months before we supposed to get married ), smacked me hard on my face for a stupid reason,i was so shocked and in disbelieve,broke up with him on the spot and bolted out of the room , called my family and canceled the wedding.now 1 year later, altho i never pick up his calls, he texts me, sends emails almost daily begging me to forgive him..HELL NO !!!!! a day or 2 after that slap, the feelings and the love i had for him in my heart got 86'ed for life.....cheaters and women beaters do not deserve and should never be given a second , if you only think with your heart and push your brain/reason to the side, u ll always end up going to back to him and its sad, !!!!!!!!!!!!!, u might call me heartless but i call me realistic :)...the 'forgive me' i m so so sorry' he can shove when the sun does not shine and bubbles turn into fart :)
How dare you even suggest giving him a second chance...you have noooo idea!!!
Women need to learn to fight more against men.
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