Hey peep,
Something similar to this has been going round some of my favorite blogs, oluwadee’s Nigeriandramaqueen’s and a couple of others, so I decided to contribute my 2 cents to this.
There is no point remaining or maintaining contact with an old flame……period!
I mean, what is even the definition of an old flame?
Isn’t suppose to be someone you once felt something for or vice versa?
Once, meaning its history for one or two reasons right?
And its either they broke up with you or did…..right?
If you broke up with them, it only means there were one or two things they either were doing or not doing right or aren’t right for you generally …..Isn’t?
If they did the breaking up, it only means you either are not good enof for them or you weren’t doing something right,
Now its even worst if they cheated and you caught them or you cheated they caught you , either way, you begged they refused which makes sense to me or they begged and you refused which still makes sense to me, so wat now?
Why would you after all these keep contact with them or allow them contact you at will?
To me thats bullshit (excuse my language pls , I really try to watch it) ,
You could not stand them, why not blank them now they are history so as to catch another flame?
The truth of the matter is this,
The longer you maintain contact with them, the longer it takes you to catch another fire or if you have already, you wont seem to appreciate them, you tend to compare, tend to even miscalculate i.e, you almost feel you are cheating on ur spouse, and this may become a major problem,
I tell people this, the moment a relationship collapses, the feelings should die a natural death, otherwise you are left wit a lot of head ache to deal with,
Yes its not easy, but the idea is this, they don’t deserve you, if they did, they would have stayed / kept you or you wouldn’t have broken up with them….vice versa ….loll
Awww, anonymous gal, not too much my dear, not too much at all, you know I luv u all loads, and to you my other frds, prisca, oluwadee, guerreiranigeriana, uzezi,najichic,nija chickito, DL, jinta, james, fantasy, for the love of me, Florida, oh dear ! so many , all of you that come here, those of u that leave comments, those of u that don’t, you guys make me happy and willing to do more,
Cheers
Ms.emotions
Monday, April 14, 2008
GETTING OVER AN OLD FLAME SO AS TO CATCH ANOTHER FLAME!
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60 comments:
yay im 1st!!! let me go back and read.
I completely agree. Whats in the past should stay just there. Somethings are easier said than done though!
yes o ur own 2 centes. word.
Thanks for visiting my blog...as for queching old flames forever well am going to take a neutral stand and say it depends. What if you guys broke up on mutual grounds just knowing you could never be happy together. Yes it hurt for a while but you guys were able to move past it. I guess you could still remain friends. Maybe am just saying so cos there's only one of my exs that am not friends with. Me and my other exs (gees, the sound like a lot , lol!) dont call each other all the time but we're cordial.
my sentiments exact
those of u who remember my lamenting over a failed office relationship would be amused 2 hear dat d bobo came calling, declaring wot he felt 4 me was beyond love, & dat true true he is single. He wanted us 2 meet & talk things over. Rubbish! Talk wetin? Now wey i don comot dat office, so we can carry on? Or now dat am with a new man, he wants 2 put sand-sand in my garri. God no go gree. get behind me, satan. u own don fail
Sometimes its hard to let go of an old flame and move on to someone new. We tend to be more comfortable with what we know already and are scared of what lies ahead. Anyway I am with you totally dear, its best to cut the ties and move on!
...and Florida, you make me laugh each time i read ur comments babe.
PREACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCH!!!!
Cudnt have sait it better than that
Your 2 cents is even more than 2 cents n its right on point.
I feel famous. lol.
Hv a lvli week deariee.
i feel you here, been saying same to a girlfriend of mine...she just doesnt get it.
its called moving on.
and thanks for the shout out...mi feeling kinda special..lol
I saw Ollay's comment and had to comment again cuz she hit the nail on the head.
With the person I blogged about recently,things didn't end on bad terms. We never broke up. We simply agreed it probably couldnt work because of distance.
So I guess that "What if?" always haunts me.
Well let me still add my own two cents.
i think it all comes down to the type of person you are. Me, im a friendly type, even if i got hurt or the girl hurt me, ild like to keep in contact with her.
because the reason i got together with her in the first place, was because she made me laugh, she was a person i could get along with.
so ild like to be friends in or out of a relationship.
maybe im saying this because ive not been severely hurt by a girl before, i dont know, but thats all i can say for now.
lol at the moment aa relationship collapses, the feeling should die a natural death1....True words though!...
personally i havent had any x's as such so i wouldnt know, still with my very first one!...but yeah i guess it's wise to cut off, eventhough its not as easy as it sounds!
have a fab week Emotions!
you are damn right gal, no point at all...it brings all this unwanted heartache, which am sure wwe could all do without!
Interesting subject, 'zion' tried to dechiper it here http://rethots.wordpress.com/2007/11/26/26/ note the later comments zion put up.
wonderful post
they don't deserve you if they treated you wrong
and that is the secret to life
knowing your self worth
knowing just how important your contribution to the world is
i like your stuff youngin
it looks like you might have some talent
one day we'll do a post together
i think its just the case of "the devil you know, is better than the one you dont"..
still does not makes it necessarily right...to each his own..
how you?
I agree, to get over someone you need the space and time to do it. "Being friends", doesn't always help with the healing process.
In short MOVE ON. I've said my piece!!
Nice post.
my sister remember, falling in and out of love is not like changing ur Tv channel o,so as per feelings dying a natural death,it wld'nt be easy after all something made u fall in love(abi na lust)wit that person,, but after that "phase" u ask urself, "wat did i ever c in him/her" lol!(abi i lie?)
nice post tho'
Ahem
*cough cough*
Your creed totally opposes one of the oldest creeds known to menfolk.
"Never close any door completely. You never know when you may need to go back and get some"
So, in my opinion(humble, of course) Keep all doors open!
@tobenna:(lol) una no serious...
@ms emmotions: wat can i say? some old flames...dont have to remain for a certain purpose..u guys could be friends..to me, it depends on d individuals in question..cos admit it or not, some exs remain good friends..d ones dat dont ehennn...dis post applies to them(lol)
o i sooooooo agree, going bck to an old flame is def not ma thing at all. Infact i dnt think u shud b friends with d persn....its just pointless to me!
thanks 4 d shout out sweerrie, muah!
well written. I agree 100%
and very possible…things are only as complicated as we et them be
Its hard letting go of an old flame, trust me but then the new cant come if the old isnt gone.
Hey Darling...couldn't resist commenting on this one.
I agree with Ollay. I've been in a position where the relationship ended badly. I loved the guy so much, it was very difficult to move on. But I eventually did. Cutting all ties with him helped me move on, it was unbelievable.
But then, I had this other short-lived relationship (I almost don't consider the guy as my ex!). We got real close real fast. It was a smoking, passionate relationship and I could almost see the altar! (and no, no sex please, I know what y'all are thinking!)Then things just changed for some reason, and we broke up. It was painful at first, but I moved on. Now, we still keep in touch. He's a very good & dear friend. And we're cool like that...
...My 2 thousand dollars...yeah, I know it's long...lol. Gat to go...kisses.
first of all, i disagree to this - 'If they did the breaking up, it only means you either are not good enof for them or you weren’t doing something right'
some break up with their girls cos in the beginning, they presented holier than thoy attitude, perfect man, and along the relationship she discovers he has faults too and he isn't perfect, and he is uncomfortable because he realises she now knows he is just like many other guys out there. she keeps quiet cos people have faults and he is uncomfortable because he has lowered himself in her eyes, to keep his ego, he breaks up and moves on.
maybe im talking from experience.
i have always believed that a guy who leaves me, lost out big time. i aint the best o, but i know what im talking about
some breakups are understandable. and there is nothing wrong with keeping touch once you get over the pain and understand why it didnt work.
but relationships where one party was abused, either emotionally or otherwise, self esteem dealt with, suffered too many sleepless nights and pains, it's such that communications must seize once the relationship ends. u dont remain friends wt people u tried to rule you, ruin you, disrespect u and murder ur self esteem.
i don too talk
anyway, not all flames should be killed totally. again, some people remain friends just to punish their exes and make them jealous and bitter of letting them go.
Some exes really should understand that it's not a must to stay friends just because you dated,and stop popping back every 3 months to say "hi".Move on,keep on walking!
@Ms. emotions
you've got a great blog going. my first time but will be back to read more..
cheers
i agree with DL completely
Oya..well said oo! But its so hard to let go of an old flame abeg...whether we wanna say otherwise or not you know?
But anyways...well said..
i agree with jaybabe, its kinda hard...but you make a lot of good point, if u dont let go. how are u gonna catch a new flame.
how r u hun?
i don't agree with the rationales for breaking up...i do not believe it is as clear and cut as that-one wasn't good enough or wasn't doing something right...relationships and people are complicated and dynamic...things and people change, which can mean that a relationship that used to serve you, no longer does...nothing to do with the other person really...uzezi makes good points regarding this...
...and not all break ups result in bad blood or sentiments for the other...i think each relationship should be evaluated carefully and as a separate entity...this world is too small to burn bridges/close doors like that...
...if your old flame is a crutch, and you should know this if you are being honest with yourself, then that is a different thing...
So I am not part of ur friends abi...
ok oh...you are not my friend anymore!!!
I am so heart broken...sob sob...did I see you edited the post and put my name first???
wey my name?
why is it called old flame anyway?
does it ever burn out?
there's a diff b/w getting over an ex and moving on and maintaining a beautiful friendship with an ex.
how u dey missy?
ah ! but i ve still got loads of u mi frdssss to add to that list, just rushing so as not to be sacked !!!!! lol
sherri dearrr, afro dear , abeg oooo, u all are my blog fam i tell u
@ everyone, this quite an interestin argument and as always, am awed at the various lights from which u guys are drawin ur conclusions.....weldone, still dosnt change wat i think tho,
love ya all,
my job today is visting u guyssss
ms.emmotions
madam, update na. biko nu
i swear this post is a month old.
haba, me nko? no shout outs?! lol
Girl, i think the old template was better o
So pls update for us.
i av a problem going bck to old flame too, but i av another problem not keeping them as friends because all my old flames are my friends and from time to time we speak. as long as they appreciate that i cannot be in a relationship with them and i had a good reason breaking it off in the first instance.
Word of mouth
--Update???
will update shortly, will put something new ...shortly
@Aphrodite, seriously? was becomin tired of one look, but will do when i hear a lot more lol..
anons - i swear this postis barely a week old...lol
cheers
Am very late, but here are my $.2.
To me friendship should be the core of every romantic relationship, or else after sex what do you do? So if you guys were friends, and the romantic part of relationship didn't work out, why sack the friendship part as well? It seems to me like an awful waste...
I agree that one might need time to move on and get their life back together but once the moving on part is done, nothing prevents for the friendship to remain...
Maybe it's because I tend to consider my mates, my friends first that it doesn't make sense to just act like they never existed. We don't have to talk on a daily basis but if we loved each other at some point, I don't understand why we can't like each other forever.
I don't recall having ever had a bad breakup, sure they were hurtful, but never left me bitter or angry. I believe in a breakup reflecting the relation we once had...
Now, if the sole point of "staying friends" with an ex is the hope of getting back together, then yeah that person is in for some serious heartache.
(Ok, I know it's more than 2 cents but well, I kinda had a lot to say. :))
m.s emotions i a guy oh..not a girl
I found your 2 cents very insightful. I also read some of your other posts and I think anyone imbibing some of the lessons learned here will become one of the most stable person around. Keeping rocking.
"the moment a relationship collapses, the feelings should die a natural death, otherwise you are left wit a lot of head ache to deal with"
So true... but its so much easier said than done!
people tend to want their cake and eat it
was getting too tired reading all that rantings, got alive when i saw list of firneds name and face lit up when name was mentioned, *muah*.....
Ms emotions, its not easy oh! I broke up wt my ex about 10mths back and sumtimes esply when am down, I feel liek gng back (maybe not) but I think about him and what ifs....
anyway, me, I am all for amicable separations sha, as in if u break up, do it in such a matured manner that when u meet again, u can sit/stand and gist, of course this is for normal breakups, sum abnormal circumastances when the guy is a complete idiot or crack head, u don't even hope to set eyes on him again....
Ms emtions abeg do post on gurls gng after guys- the dos and donts. I wnat to go after a man (for kicks) and want the current guidelines, also, was speaking to my coz last nite (a guy)
oops, anyway, my coz wants to know why girls do not reciprocate effections shown to them by guys, he has tagged this, the naija attitude as he ahs 2 chiks, one naija, the other south african (he lives in Boston), the osuth african is everything eh wants except she doesn't want to have kids, this is a main ish so he's trying his luck teh umpteenth time with naija girls and sad, the one he;s got doens't do anything to shpw she cares, said she's never called to say lets do this, lets go therew, i wanna see you today, now etc....is this truly a naija girl attitide? I know they are bot datiung but dating or not, if I liek a guy and wanna see him for wareva reason, i say so and get it done.... i don't inderstand...
It really depends on the two people and their cicumstances. Generally I would say move on. some people are only meant to be in your life for a short while...
But then, what if you are also business partners or colleagues. it might be impractical to suddenly become strangers in those circumstances. It'll make sense to remain friends with some boundaries not to be crossed...
@naijachic, the bottomline is THEY ARE SCARED,
they are scared to be seen as too clingy, dependant and all nonsence, they read too much dating books that end up messin them up, soon i will post something on this, soon my dear,
how u dey?
naijaline - i will so that soon aiight?
how are u by the way?
@kemmie, thanx dear, see more you then,
@ everyone, so sorry am not posting individual replies, will work on that soon
@ my love, mek i warn u now o, if i come back 2 dis blog & no update, i do send u letter-bomb! Haba now. Am hungry 4 more!!! Give it 2 me!!!!
i swear this post is 2yrs old
{{CHANTING}}
update update update
i want an update
So why you dey form busyness na??lol!
Ngw update or...
UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
It is true, but sometimes it's hard to let go. Thank you for the birthday wish!
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