So am back and here is what I ve got
From the biblical perspective, one should not have sex unless they have been joined together as husband and wife as anything outside that amounts to fornication..?
That’s from the bible teaching, but what obtains practically we all know is otherwise,
Couples these days meet and boom! they have sex ,some same day, some after a week or maybe two and most often than not such relationship crumbles even before it sees the light of the day.
Whether to have sex before marriage or not if both partners are thinking of marriage is personal to them, I mean its their decision to make, however how soon they decide to have this sex is what we are discussing here as am not about to preach on abstinence or encourage sex outside marriage.
A lot of people ve different ideas as to when its OK to have sex in a relationship, while some school believe its not really important when you choose to have sex in a relationship another school believes you shouldn’t even have sex at all until you are legally married .
That some relationship when entered into for the wrong reasons crumbles after having sex for a couple of times is no news, so then when is the right time to have sex in a relationship to make it ‘work’?
The truth of the matter is that a relationship that wont last / work cant be made to last /work by having sex either too soon or not having sex at all, however a relationship that is built on sex tends to end quicker than others especially when sex is initiated say the first few days of the relationship. A relationship should be allowed to ‘grow’ without sex as its basic foundation.
Most times sex complicates issues, you did soon realize you both are in the relationship for the wrong reasons and have no choice but to end it,
I smile when I have people approach me with the familiar line…..he used me and dumped me….not that the line itself is funny, just that you only get used when you give room to be used. True, a lot of men these days can embrace abstinence while getting their sexual gratification some other place; one should be wise when going about these things especially when you have marriage on your card otherwise please ignore this post.
Both of you should discuss what suits you, whether to abstain or indulge but I would advise you leave sex out of a relationship until you get to know each other well enof, find your interests in your partner, see if you can deal with their person or their life style, be sure you are convinced that you can handle him or her before introducing sex, sex coulds your judgment most times, that’s why you find some people being in a relationship for say one month and immediately after sex is initiated the relationship comes crashing down,
Please be guided,
Finally out,
Regards,
Ms. Emotions
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50 comments:
I would advise you leave sex out of a relationship until you get to know each other well enof
EXACTLY
thats the key there
I always say
accidents happen
could u imagine the person raising ur kid?
if not
dont do it
1. I respect people's decision to wait to have sex till after they are married. However, I need to know that we are sexually compatible and thus it is going to happen. I am not about to be unpleasantly surprised after I am bound to you.
2. That said, it is very important when it happens and one has to be very sure that one is capable or handling the ensuing physical, emotional and spiritual repercussions of the act. If a relationship disintegrates after sex, it was not a strong one to begin with.
3. I think women should stop having at the back of their mind that sleeping with someone is going to translate into everything working out as you wish. If you sleep with someone, do it because you want to and not because you are hoping for some bargaining power in maintaining a relationship.
And here I hail Ms. Catwalq.
You took the words right out of my mouth, lady.
Vex ke! far 4rm it. lol.
U r so right wen u say sex complicates issues. Best not 2 build a r'ship on sex.
I would have to agree that sex too soon often means one thing: unnecessary drama. In my opinion, sex should be dessert, not the appetizer.
well said! ms catwalq.
dejanae spoke my mind!
lovely babes lovely...i like ur post and I really like catwalq's comment..me gast to be sure dat me and the guy are feelin' ourselves well enoff to be bound together HOWEVER....speedy introduction of sex prevents one from seeing things one could have seen ON TIME...SO, on that note I would say have sex when you're satisfied enough with what you know and dont be so excited or "satisfied with ur knowledge" after say......a week(lol).....nice work babes;-)
Sex will forever be a controversial issue. Most people do it wrong and just give reasons to justify it.
I just believe anybody that feels they must test the sexual proficiency of a partner b4 deciding to hook on is only putting themselves inside peppersoup.
Sex is the highest state of emotion that lets you loose reason and binds u mentally and spiritually to your partner. You think you're thru when you break up but you've just begun something terrible. To 'test' it is to deliberately allow an accident to happen.
Anybody can become good at sex if right measures r taken. so 'testing' it out is no issue.
I wish it was like that in these modern times you know? Where people wait till after they are married to have sex. But its not like that today. Most of us are gonna try and run away from it, but its true that when you meet a guy for the first time, all you think of is how he is in bed, and thats the first thing you will try and find out. I mean people go out often, they meet their counterparts out there, mostly intoxicated, what happens then? You dont even care whether you seeing that person for the first time.
Well..me? I just go with the flow...why watse time in trying pretend?
like they say, it takes two to tangle, though the guy is always ready to go in most cases sha. But me thinks whatever is alright with both of them is alright. first day, one week, one month, whatever. it depends on their communication and what they both want. if it will work, it will work. period.
i love this line "you only get used when you give room to be used."
y r we even talkin about sex? isn't it overrated?
I really dont care when we have sex, first day or 100th day...my problem is guys who meet you and ask you what your favourite sex position is...you dont know me that way...its rubbish and a real mood killer...I hate it hate it hate...
ok, did that have anything to do with ur post at all???
sorry but it's getting to me real bad right now...
Hey babes! I dey oh..im so happy its spring time, its just 'happyness' to me. Hows life?
Meanwhile, I would have to say I agree 100% percent with everything u said on this post. I think sex should be dessert, not the appetizer.
Lol@ Afrobabes comment!!
I agree 100%
I asked my homeboys about this and they said we overthink it too much. That we should just let it flow. That having a 90 day rule is stupid because what if the chemistry is there after 30 days... or what is the difference between 85 days and 90 days... True indeed he was just being silly for that last part... but I do think every situation is different... there are some people that have sex after the first date that are in marital bliss right now, and there are other people that may have survived if the girl hadnt given it up so soon. So ultimately we have to do what we feel is right in our heart.
i say when u r comfortable enough with the person that u could see urself being married to them and u could see urself having kids together.
Ms. emotions: thanks for visiting my blog and the kind words...
Catwalq said it best but at the same time its always safe to "test the goods" before taking the plunge, that way one avoids such surprises as ending up with an impotent partner. I know of a story of a guy(christian brother)like that and i say that the man is very mean and heartless cos he was aware of his situation and still went ahead to fool his gf into marrying him.
You will agree with me that testing or sampling the goods is the only way to avoid such.
For me, the perfect time to have sex is after you say I do. What's the hurry?
I second naija chickito
On Bible practicality, let's call a spade a spade. Is it not the same bible that says thou shall not kill. Folks just choose the bit of the bible they want to embrace as being practical.
Sampling does not gurantee. Enough sampling babes and dudes still get issues.
i believe we should live our lives the way we want to, and be responsible for our actions. personally, i stand with naija chikito. its a difficult but achievable route!
tk ker ladies
Hmmmmmmmmmmm, this issue is so controversial. But if i must say anything at all, i'm all for waiting as long as possible to have sex. That way you would have built a friendship and a bond, two essential ingredients to hot sizzling sex. And truth be told there's never really a rite time, some pple bond and build friendship faster than others. I guess just do it when it feels rite but not as soon as you meet tho, that wld just be 2 pple on heat!!!
sex definitely complicates things..we know this..i believe its better left out of a relationship till both parties are certain that the union is stable and true...
well tons of cool opinions. sex does complicate stuff. the bible says we shld wait,i have a friend who waited and got an impotent man..,.
Hmmmmmm,dis has to be one of d most controversial topic i know.
In my opinion,too soon is if u have sex after a couple of weeks or even months in a relationship,but lets face it,if u have been dating for a year and above and the both of u have never had sex,90% of d time,sum1 is CHEATING!!!
No man/woman that isnt a virgin will wait for 4 more than a year cos he met a Miss/Mr goody shoes xcpt u are planning ur wedding already or sumtin.so at least u are looking forward to it.
Of course,we know wat our holy books said but there is no small lie as well,sin na sin!!u fornicate not jus by d intercourse itself,even lookery so wat are we saying??after all said and done sha.
I think its okay as long as the both of u agree its wat u want at dat time.
if it doesnt work out??too bad.
Sex is really important in a marriage,wat happens if after am bound to u(like sum1 said),i realize,u need to handcuff me or beat me up to get turned on(like one of my ex's????)
My people,i didnt tink twice before ensuring my fiance is sexually sane before agreein to plan a weddin!!of course we tried been celibate as well but once debe.....always debe
what happend to my comment?
haba, ms emmotions!!!!! i just posted on a subject like this!!!!! come o, are u psychic!!!!! jeez, this is freaky
my dear, if u read my post on this subject, u'd understand y my response 2 this post is 'no comments' or rather 'no meaningful comment'
lol@florida! I was just coming from ur blg babes only to see this post on ms.emmotions's blog. My first thought was-una plan am??
I agree that relationships shouldnt be based on how good one or the other is in bed. There is more to it. Getting to understand each other, communicating and bonding over little things like a game of cards helps to build the foundation for a healthy relationship.
I am for abstinence until after I do, but that said I know that most people can't or won't so I would suggest people particularly women detach themselves just a little bit from sex. It's not such a big deal really, That you are doing it may not mean that much to the other party. It's just sex really. See it as such.
And remember to drink water after each round, it's healthy.
HELP HELP
what do you think that i should do . me and my boyfriend used to live in london and were happy but then he got a new job and moved to leicester but since he moved he is not quite the same i think he might be slipping away . i know that if he wants to go , i cant make him stay but i am realy scared i dont want to loose him what should i do. meanwhile moving to leicester is out of it cos we are not married and two my job
Hey dear, the right thing according to the bible is to abstain but we all know that the flesh is weak. Na God go help us sha.
sod it all and go the way of the bible...thats the best way i guess.
lol @ my girl afrobabe..shes one hell of a case. lmao
sex predicates a relationship. maybe i'm being bland here, but how can i know where a relationship is going without sex? am i a sea horse?
Em, I really don't know what to say to this.
To sex, or not to sex...
Is a personal decision.
Learn from people's mistakes or make your own mistakes.
The most important thing is, learn.
PERIOD.
babes, im good oh! a little sad cuz iv lost my cell phone 2ice in 9days. Here goes cell phone number 3:-( other than that im great, thanks for asking! How r u? When r we getting a new post? Have u thought about the whole age factor in relationships. like dating people wayyy older/younger than u? I wanna hear peoples thoughts about that so theres some food for thought,lol. Have a great week (or whats left of it).Muah...xx
sex is overated jare..
i say yes to abstinence..lol
Whenever ur both ready and matured to do it and handle the aftermath.
However, i am not really a big fan of immediate sex though as in meet today and sex today/tomorrow, nah, I wait a while and know u properly but now am all for nothing before marriage-personal choice.
And they say timing isn't everything! Good one! To each his own, but i will say that the giving of one's body to another is definitely not something to be rushed into as once you give, you can't ever really fully take back.
Thanks for getting us talking. how've you been now? How work?
passing by
the old saying still stand
easy come easy go
you give it up to easy they will tke you for granted
you wait a little while, you show them that you have self worth thus they respect you more
it's best not to have it no earlier than 4 to 6 months
to my unborn daughter: wait till you're married;)...when she turns 18, we'll revisit this topic and i'll give her a more realistic answer...
...to my female friends: consult your God and what you want...when you are ready, physically, emotionally and spirtitually, go get it!!!...;)
seriously is it 2 much to come by a blog and xpect a nu post? is it?
@desperate lady: one of my fave musicians sang and i quote
'sex aiint over-rated, you just aiint doing it right'...lol
i think testing d waters is fine, most times girlfriends have had more experience and believe me i wouldn't want her comparing me to her former boyfriend
hence need to get in loads of practice...lol
Easier said
@ ms catwalq - point blank nail on the head.
@ nigeriandramaqueen - i agree.
I am from that school that says that sex if for married people, as in people who are married to each other, not adulterers, lol.
I know it's so much easier said than done, but God gave us will power for a reason.
It's a personal decision and it depends on how you feel within the relationship and also what you want from the relationship. If you are looking for a long-term deal as in marriage, it would be best not to sleep with a guy on the 1st date or in the first two months!!!
It's just the way things roll in 'the rules' to finding Mr Right. We don't make the rules, society does.
Why does the sex thing have to be so controversial. Like ms catwalq said, just cos you sleep with a guy does not mean you guys are going to live happily ever after. I believe if you want to have sex, then you need to know the reasons why you are actually having sex. Are you looking for a one night stand because its just convenient or you want to have sex because you believe that the guy may draw closer to you if you give a piece of yourself to him? The second one is sooo old school and soo wrong. I would advise that if there is a guy you really like, do not give sex at the beginning. But if the "spirit" moves you, then why the heck not? If things dont work out in the long run, lets only hope that you are left with delicious memories..
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