Let me start by apologizing sincerely for my absence, it indeed was due to some ‘stuff’ beyond my control but its ok now, I ve learnt to delegate, so will be doing blog rounds now.
I also would like to state here categorically that Ms. Emotions is just my blog name, the fact that I don’t come out to tell my private affairs doesn’t mean I don’t have any. This blog I started just to put up some excerpts from my book (work – in – progress), and as you all know, its actually difficult writing and completing a book, not just any book, I mean realistic approach to relationship issues, so this blog I see as an avenue to improve on some of the things I ve in there already, especially using some opinion / comments from readers. So you can imagine how pissed off I was when some anon asked a careless question ….’With all these advice, how come you are still single’?
Just to set the records straight, am very much taken, I mean not single at all, in fact my man actually reads this blog and we discuss some issues I raise here at home.
We all blog for different reasons, some blogs are personal diaries, and all, but this one is like my mini book, you know like a column where I can be free, having said that, I think we best move to some better things …..
A little push won’t hurt…….
Do you believe that most men are naturally a bit scared of commitment especially when you try crowding them up and at the same time asking for a long time commitment?
Yes……it’s true or so I believe……please feel free to differ in your opinion
ones you are able to establish that a man truly cares deep enof for you, if he has got all you want in a man, it wont hurt to push him forward a little but you really have to be careful and know how hard to push him if you want commitment.
How do you push a man along the part of commitment without over pushing him?
Hmmm, there really is no hard and fast rule here other than that you need to know the kind of person he is and then maybe do a few of these:
If you have mutual friends that are committed already, once in a while bring up discussion that involves them, you know, how happy they are, how unsure the were before really hooking up, and some fun things they do together.
Please, no man wants you to bottle him up without giving him a sense of freedom especially while trying to get him to commit to you. So give the space he graves.
Commitment to men means they are not able to appreciate other women’s looks, make some (dirty) jokes….wow! ‘See those lovely boobs’…lol, they can’t hang out freely ones in a while with the boys…prove him wrong!
be consistent in your ‘want’ not telling him you want A from him today and then tomorrow its B
we are Africans, fine, majority of us ladies are thoroughly schooled these days but its indeed our culture to be homely and humble without being stupid, you really need to do this as no man wants a woman who will end up being the man in the house while he becomes the woman .
…….to be contd
Cheers
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29 comments:
Firsssssssssssssssssssssssssst..no disgrace me oh..I better be first
Lol…A man who is a woman is a man no woman wants….rhyme?
I'm sorry, maybe I'm just really slow this morning.
A woman should show she wants commitment, but not show it too much so she doesn't come off as bossy, at the same time letting the man know that he is still free to appreciate other women/do things he used to, while we are to be homely and humble so HE doesn't feel threatened/emasculated?
Is that what you're saying?
lol@ onydchic- u slow? my guess is that u know exactly wat u are sayin ...lol again,
let put it like this, we know that we women are more likly to seek commitment than most men especially when we see ourselves as advanced ( late twenties and then 30s),now wat am sayin here is this, if u are within this range, in a relationship n hav ascertained that the man truly cares but is slow to make that bold move, then some of the things listed are to be done and finally, being humble as in being calm witout being stupid...i dont know if u are awake now gal? lol
afro - lol @ ur comment, u know sometimes i wonder myself why we the female hav to be the one lookin for commitment n a home, wont the world be more fun if it were the male biological clock that ticks faster than ours?
personally i think 'commitment' is a natural progression rather than a black line that you come across and have to jump whilst your man stays reluctantly at the other side so you have to pull/shove/tag/push/drag so that he crosses over to your side the commitment side. I think most couples will just find themselves progressing towards the committed phase without necessary having the 'our we committed talk'. Most couples who got married say 'well we just both knew it was time' or as our relationship progressed we started planning more and more about the future... I think trhe fundamental reason most people are in relationships is because they ultimately want commitment albiet to the right person so i dont believe in pretending not to want that which I want (dont want it though lol) if I want it coz thats the reason people are in a relationship in the first instance.
Funny though this commitment business. I have always said in my previous relationship that I do not want to get married ever but that has rubbed on all of my X's the wrong way. It becomes a constant battle about why do you not want to get married to me blah blah blah and then they start working in overdrive to convince me otherwise. men are strange creatures if you show them you want commitment they scumper if you show them you dont want commitment they get all angry and hurt, we women have it hard wo
dont mind all thsoe people that are asking u silly questions...good u set the record straight but u didnt have to...even if u are sinlge who's business is it..
yah i agree some men need to be pushed but i also think men that know what they want will go for it no matter the hurdles.
once again nice piece! and all the best with ur book
yay ur back!!!!!..... afrobabe first again???????
good luck with ur book....
on commitment issues, i think one has to be careful even if u see all the signs that the guy is into u and u feel he needs a bit of push. some guys feel a woman who gives u even a teeny bit of push or hint may be bossy. its down to judgement call......
good to have u back
Babes, did you write this post cos of me?
I strongly believe that a man who loves a woman will not need to be pushed before he proposes. Anyway just my opinion tho…
Good to have you back
I missed ya!
Wo, please ignore all silly questions...you could be giving advice either from experience or from past mistakes, so your relationship status is irrelevant to me, cuz u give good advice regardless...
Anyhoo, it is my belief that most men dont need any push, cuz most of them are quick to tell their intentions. But then, there are the ones who get use to the relationship and actually do need that push.
Your so right, cuz I have friends who were in relationships for 5years or more and never asked the guy were the relationship was going..talk about wasted years
It does have to be subtle though, cuz guys get scared when the woman becomes a bit too pushy
Good stuff Ms.Emotions..as always..
hmmm. 4 once, love, am going to disagree with u on dat push thing. while i've heard stories of chicks who have assisted a proposal 4rm their fella, i've always wondered how they feel abt d marriage after wards. there's one thing my mom always said 2 me wen i was dying 4 any man wen he was not playing ball fast enof. she said dat if it's not ur man is not crossing seven seas & seven oceans now 2 ensure u remain wit him 4 life, is it wen all d katakata dat sometimes come wit marriage dat he will?? while my dad was extremely mean 2 her, she still cherishes & consoles herself with d textbook courtship they had. besides, wot will make a man not want commitment? if d man is gently pushed into commitment, will he also need to be continuously pushed 2 doing all d extra packages dat commitment comes with? like defending me against his relatives? like providing 4 me even @ his own expense, even wen am not d sweet little girl he once knew? like not cheating even wen it's convenient? like standing with me 2ru thick & thin? dez r decisions a man needs 2 make 4 himself & by himself alone!!!!
personally, i won't ever feel secure n a relationship where i keep wondering if i hadn't done so & so, would he have married me?
i see nothing wrong wit a woman stating her ground o. like i want 2 get married, do u? maybe not directly, sure. but she should still tailor conversations 2 indicate dat this is indeed wot she wants. but daz is not called pushing, 2 my mind o.
@ ndq: how can a grown ass woman b with a man 5 years & not know where they r going? does he not talk abt his future? does he include her n those plans? hmmm. sometimes, d writing is on d wall, but as boys 2 men said 'how can u expect to see d signs when you won't open ur eyes'
@ ms emmotions: abeg, no vex 4 d anon. she might have been n her period, & having a bad case of PMS. or maybe having serious man-troubles dat has defied solutions & was looking 4 someone 2 bitch on. we all have those times once n a while. i'd always guessed u r n a serious relationship, u've hinted @ it a couple of times. i wish u all d luck. & pls don't overwork urself oh. u r important 2 us
I think that most people are scared of comitments and so they need a lil push! man or woman alike.
@ms emmotions ...
ah you're intuitive. But seriously though, I kinda had to read the last two paragraphs like... 5 times. I was booting.
I get what you mean, but I agree with Miss Definitely Maybe. I think commitment is something you both see coming and either embrace or accept. I dunno, maybe its me, but if I bring up the idea of a guy settling with me and of all things I have to assure him about checking out other women/dirty jokes then that's just weird/wrong. Did I make sense?!
Sorry about my post. I have no idea what I pressed to ccause this backwards foolishness.
I have to agree with free-flowing florida on this issue. I've often heard that some men need a push in the rite direction, but being rather traditional i don't agree with this mode of getting what we want. My uncle once said to his wife in the presence of thier children and extended family that his wife was the one that begged him to propose as she was advancing in age and he agreed cos he pitied her!!!
sometimes all it takes is a hard breath in the wrong direction to tip a glass over and that's it - shattered glass, spilt milk and 'had i known's'.
i believe if it's meant for you, it will get to you.
@misdefmaybe, funmi, aphrodite, florida, pink lips, geisa - hello ladies, nice arguement this is and i would say the angle u ladies are comin from are all so correct, ideally, a man wont need a push in the rite direction when he has found wat he wants in a woman but am lookin iit from this angle- yes he knows you are wat he wants and u both know you def will get married someday, gettin to the alter now is wat is takin forever(commitment)and u know u both are in love, so would u rather wait until he is set in his own time while u time ticks away or give him a little push?
@ florida - i didnt say i was in a seriouc relationship, i said TAKEN abi must we always say , married? lol
@ nigeriadramaqueen - thanx a bunch dear, well i think i do agree wit u ,
@jayjazzy - point on, so correct !!
ahh... well in that case, a hard shove is probably what he needs!
Good to have you back babes. dont mind anon jore.
I agree eith everyword Florida said i mean i couldnt have put my exact sentiments better. I do not believe in any push at all, no matter how subtle.
That said i agree with the whole dont emasculate a man thing. A man is still the head of the family so should be treated with love, and due respect
@ ms emmotions: awwwwwww. wow! i ddnt know! i just tot u were n dis very tight relationship. my dear o, no b all of us go school o. TAKEN can mean anything 2 us, sorry.
now dat u've explained it, maybe i do agree with u. but really 4 most couples it's d woman determining the when on d wedding ceremony. once a man has made up his mind 2 marry, he mostly has a vague date n mind. it'd d woman who now say 'this is when i want it'. it happened n my case & most of those i know. am yet 2 hear of an engaged couple where it was d man keeping things 4rm happening. but den, i don't know dat many pple do i?
Nice read, waiting for the next update...i am really bad at the commitment thing, i think its time to be clear about what it is that i really want in a man....my laid back attitude doesn't help i guess
So happy you are back xxx :)
I agree that sometimes, we may need to move things a bit faster if our man is dragging steps but then again. If he isn't making any move at all,pushing him to make a commitment at all is a definite No No for me.
Update on the SBR on my blog. Pls you have to be there babes.
Welcome back dearie. Is anyone disturbing u over your blog business? Well they need to understand that there are different types fo blog.
About the commitment issue: I think those men too should set the record straight from the begining abt what they want and what can happen if the relationship progress later. Not that you will make somebody believe u want to setlle down wiv her and start running when she raises the issue. This goes for women in relaionship too cos some dont want commitment either
i think commitment is scared of me
btw thanks for bursting my bubble by responding to anon's silly comment. now that i know you're taken, i cannot fantasize about you anymore
Well done Ms. E.
Tell 'em, tell 'em!
Michelle McKinney Hammond as a single woman wrote many inspiring books on relationships. Paul in the Bible was single but was able to advice married people and single people alike. Marital status has nothing to do with inspiration or calling. It's just that in a case like this, it will give the reader some encouragement that they can achieve a good relationship if you are actually sharing tips that you used.
Please don't get worried about Anon's comment.
Having said that, I want to remind you that you are a very good writer and your books will not only sell, but improve people's relationships.
A little push won't hurt especially when you mean something to a guy. It was even recommended in a Christian webzine...
http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001206.cfm
"Pulling A Ruth, 2" http://www.boundless.org/datingcourtship/datingcourtship.cfm
LOL...I understand why that person asked such a question. Its more believable and convincing when you hear such from someone who has 'experienced' it.
i have enjoyed and liked many a topic on this blog, but i really love this one. dont ask me why. when is the sequel coming? fast with it.
welcome back. missed u crazy
it really makes me wonder why some people are attacking bloggers and driving some of them away. u really dont need to explain urself to such an obvious idiot whether u r single or not.
a little push dont hurt
just be sure its a man who wants to be pushed..........
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