communication !!!!!!

How free are you with your partner?

How often do you both have a ‘hearth – to – hearth’ ……not necessarily something meaningful?

Do you close up all communication ‘avenue’ unknowingly?

There is a silent question which we ladies scare to ask, some people are ignorant of its existence while some are in denial, hmmmmph!
A lot of us choose not to discuss it while some simply believe it dose not exist,

Some will go extra miles to discuss how they are 110% it won’t happen…….
Some can even swear it has never happened; but the truth of the matter remains….no body bargains for it.

It can be both ways, its not just a man’s thing, women are involved too, while I believe in gender equality, I also am of the school that men can never be women,

Communication, how well you discuss issues with open minds allows you to feel each other out on each other’s opinions, reasons, ideologies and possibility of its occurrence,

With the men, just like my humble self, its better not to give them the slightest hint that we realize these things can actually happen………..

CHEATING, INFIDELITY, etc

So many names have been coined out for it now, some even have some ready made excuses for it, some even have gone as far as promoting it with some stupid scientific backings, while we all should kick against it, let’s not be ignorant of the fact….

It happens …

But with communication and being very watchful you can do something about it, a woman they say, is responsible for keeping a home….her home

A woman claims her husband has been cheating, note ‘has been cheating’ not cheated, on her and has a 5months old son,

All I could ask was….how come you never knew?
He surly must spend some quality time with the other woman?
You never knew? What did you do with the signs? I never saw any she replied, ha! I was flabbergasted!

But a woman should know these little signs ,,,,,,,,was all I could say

cheers

An ailing relationship will always have one or more of the following symptoms

· You have a feeling of continuous frustration about the relationship
· (E.g., your emotional needs are not being met)
· You’re finding more reasons to spend time apart
· You’re being physically abused
· You’re being emotionally abused
· You no longer have strong feelings about your partner but reminisce about the feelings you used to have
· You’ve changed your core values, beliefs and goals to accommodate your partner in hopes that your relationship will no longer be problematic
· You’ve made drastic changes in your appearance hoping your partner will find you more attractive
· You have a growing feeling of emptiness
· You’ve put extreme distance or totally cut off former close relationships you used to have with your other friends and/or family

How to make the final decision...The most pragmatic way is to make a list with two columns. One that lists the positive attributes of your relationship and one that lists the negative. Next, itemize the good and bad parts of your relationship honestly. Sometimes seeing a concrete list where one column is much longer than the other will help you see your situation more objectively hence making it easier to end a relationship that no longer brings you joy and fulfills your needs. Relationships should add to your quality of life—not subtract from it

His friends………how do they relate with you?

How a man presents you to his friends determines how they treat you yeah? No?

Am of the opinion that from the way a man presents you to his friends you will be able to tell how much he loves you and what he is up to.

Men show their love differently, while some of them are very passionate when they love, some just love, though one may be tempted to say it all about luck, but I strongly believe it has to do with YOU.

Now, in the early days of your relationship, what sort of impression / vibes were you giving out to him when it came to love?

Some of us unknown to us portray ourselves as those not capable of reciprocating love or actually receiving and treasuring love in a bid to prove that we are independent. This is usually seen during the early days of a relationship, those periods when you are bent on ‘making him see the need to stick with you’?
Yeah!

Like I explained in one of my previous posts, a man knows exactly what he wants from you the moment he sets his eyes on you, it dose not really matter how hard you try to win him over, he has an impression already when he approached you, however, he also pays attention to some minor details which serve to either encourage him or discourage him completely. In other words, there really is no need giving out the ‘ice queen’ vibe as this goes along way to determine the kind of love your man will have for you or do I say it goes a long way to determine how sensitive your man will be showing his love.

Your first and subsequent meeting with his friends gives away what he really feels for u, cos, whether you like it or not he has ‘presented’ you to his friends long before you met them.

so always be on your guard when u meet with his friends the very first time, are they very respectful and refrain from all forms of male banters? or otherwise? Do they have this sheepish looks on their faces?

Its ur call, you decide what you do next,

Ms. Emotions was unavoidably away due to some private matters I cant disclose here, but its not a problem, just something that needed to take me away for a while, me and mine are well, how have you all been? and yours?
Four the past 13hours I been ‘around’ cant find afrobabe???
Iyawo oluwadee is very well I know, fff has gone what ….well an author…lol, nice work, the rest of my blog fam, am visiting soonest,

Compliments of the season!!!!

DOSE IT MATTER WHEN YOU SAY YES?

Hello people,


Am back again with my controversial (didn’t say so myself oo) topics,
I know am suppose to do the concluding part of ‘ a little push wont hurt’, I just got this hot topic for ‘our’ discussion, please feel free to discuss at full length using the comment corner so we can all trash this out.


So, dose it matter how soon you say yes to a man?

Dose it determine the success of the relationship?

Some people believe that playing ‘hard to get’ like we all did in our secondary school days makes a relationship better or should I say gives it more chances for survival.

But ms. Emotions says it doesn’t matter really how soon you say yes to a man’s ‘toasting’ or ‘wooing’ cos she said YES on the very first day after the very first lunch !!

So wat say you?

Relationship and its success is dependent on a whole lot of factors and how soon you say yes is not one of them so long you are sure he is wat you want and all you want in a man, please be free to differ completely in your opinion.


Enjoy the rest of the week,


Ms. Emotions

A little push won’t hurt ………..

Let me start by apologizing sincerely for my absence, it indeed was due to some ‘stuff’ beyond my control but its ok now, I ve learnt to delegate, so will be doing blog rounds now.

I also would like to state here categorically that Ms. Emotions is just my blog name, the fact that I don’t come out to tell my private affairs doesn’t mean I don’t have any. This blog I started just to put up some excerpts from my book (work – in – progress), and as you all know, its actually difficult writing and completing a book, not just any book, I mean realistic approach to relationship issues, so this blog I see as an avenue to improve on some of the things I ve in there already, especially using some opinion / comments from readers. So you can imagine how pissed off I was when some anon asked a careless question ….’With all these advice, how come you are still single’?

Just to set the records straight, am very much taken, I mean not single at all, in fact my man actually reads this blog and we discuss some issues I raise here at home.

We all blog for different reasons, some blogs are personal diaries, and all, but this one is like my mini book, you know like a column where I can be free, having said that, I think we best move to some better things …..

A little push won’t hurt…….

Do you believe that most men are naturally a bit scared of commitment especially when you try crowding them up and at the same time asking for a long time commitment?

Yes……it’s true or so I believe……please feel free to differ in your opinion

ones you are able to establish that a man truly cares deep enof for you, if he has got all you want in a man, it wont hurt to push him forward a little but you really have to be careful and know how hard to push him if you want commitment.

How do you push a man along the part of commitment without over pushing him?

Hmmm, there really is no hard and fast rule here other than that you need to know the kind of person he is and then maybe do a few of these:

If you have mutual friends that are committed already, once in a while bring up discussion that involves them, you know, how happy they are, how unsure the were before really hooking up, and some fun things they do together.


Please, no man wants you to bottle him up without giving him a sense of freedom especially while trying to get him to commit to you. So give the space he graves.


Commitment to men means they are not able to appreciate other women’s looks, make some (dirty) jokes….wow! ‘See those lovely boobs’…lol, they can’t hang out freely ones in a while with the boys…prove him wrong!


be consistent in your ‘want’ not telling him you want A from him today and then tomorrow its B


we are Africans, fine, majority of us ladies are thoroughly schooled these days but its indeed our culture to be homely and humble without being stupid, you really need to do this as no man wants a woman who will end up being the man in the house while he becomes the woman .

…….to be contd

Cheers

Where you meet counts

So, I was thinking, aloud I guess cos I was muttering to myself, didn’t really realize I was doing that, I had an investor right in front of me, I could not wait for him to leave my office, am excited and do you know why?

Ok, I was discussing with one of my gals, she is single and searching, not those single and not searching thingy that most gals claims, she truly is searching.
She is been single and searching and not searching, only to be searching after a few weeks or a month for a while now.

What the gist was all about?

Please my friend, I was saying to her, calm down, relax your nerves and stop looking in the wrong places, I feel your pain but I have always been of the opinion that where you meet your man\woman to a large extent determines the success or otherwise of that relationship. I guess she has not been listening.

Without meaning to be immodest, I have been opportune to discuss a lot of relationship issues with partners, spouses, and have come to the conclusion that where you meet indeed has a role to play in the success or otherwise of your relationship. And I speak not for the fun of it; in fact, all I write and post on this blog are based on people’s experiences, personal, and what I see happening around.

Let’s take a few practical examples; do you expect sincerely to have a successful relationship with a man or woman that wooed you while in a relationship?

Do you seriously think you did be happy and have a good relationship with a girl you picked up at some unknown or indecent clubs\pubs\strip club?

Do you honestly believe that a man you went after in a ‘very obvious to the eye’ manner will propose to you shortly?

How about a man that sits on your street all day waiting for someone to toast? I mean, do you think when he finally toasts you and you have one or two things then you have him for keeps? He won’t go seeking for another?

These are just a few of practical examples, you don’t suppose you will meet and angel good enough for you on a sex website now do you? Or some dirty chat rooms?

No offence meant to anybody but I tell you this, who people perceive you to be is a function most times of where you are found and what you tend to do atimes.

A man or gal in search of fun meets someone in all these places mentioned above, assumes they are there for what he or she is there for and then kicks some fun without strings attached and you seriously believe something decent will come out of it?

Forget it, it dose not work like that,

I really didn’t mean to come out so angry, but these friends of mine are pissing me off with this ‘no taking correction attitude’ of theirs and they expect to change their status shortly…..i hope she listens this time

Regards,

Ms.emmotions

Don’t be scared of being alone…….at least……

It is a sweet and wonderful feeling when it’s done right, you even get to enjoy it more when it’s true and original, you tend to float if the feeling is reciprocated, its especially beautiful when you find the right the person to love.

Love is a tender feeling that shouldn’t bring constant sorrow, if you have to worry always about loosing it then it may not be worth it, if it causes you to loose focus then it may not be worth it, then if its not worth it, it definitely is not right for you and if its not right then you have not found your own true love …..Yet

Sometimes it’s okay to be alone, to have a breathing space so as to have a clear head to ascertain if you should go ahead especially if what you call love brings you constant pain.

Be mindful of the attitude of those you claim to love, if they are not constant in their ‘show’ of love for you, I mean if they blow hot and cold then may be you need to be alone ….at least for while to determine if its worth keeping after all.
Being in love and in a relationship shouldn’t be a competition, don’t be in a rush to leave your solitude, be careful those you choose to love that they may be those worthy of your love.

I know what am talking about when I tell you to be mindful of the love that brings you sorrow, you may be surprised to find that this particular love is not for you, if you can be alone for a bit, if you can wait a little, be alone for a while without being scared and rushed, you did find your own true love….that I promise you and its always worth the wait


Be weary of those men that tells you that men are not suppose to be as passionate as women in love, it’s a two way street dear, your own true love will indeed be passionate when you find it, it will be worth waiting for, It will teach you what love is, the idea is, not forcing it, don’t torment yourself unnecessarily, if it aren’t love then, it cant be like it.


My one kobo,

Regards,
Ms.emotions

'ask Ms.emotions'

hello peeps,

i ve been so very absent from blogvile and do offer my sincere apologies to all my favorite peeps. i ve few dayz break now so i ve decided to go round and catch up all ur updates.

i want to introduce something called 'ask Ms.emotions', its going to be an open interaction for readers, i want to hear from you on things i ve written, things u want to read about or verify all these u can do on 'ask Ms.emotions week' - 3rd week of the month.

so its 'ask Ms.emotions' week, i want so much to hear from you guys, let see if we can learn while having fun....lol

while you are at it, enjoy .......

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Zimbabwe, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store Roman">ONLY ONCE ! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch.... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:Floor 5These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

cheers

NB ; u can ask ur question by way of comment or email please

love and reality........

Background;

Love is friendship that has “caught” fire overtime while infatuation is an instant fire or an instant desire.
It becomes dangerous to differentiate love and infatuation in the early stage of a relationship, say in the first few weeks of a relationship. This is the stage I like to call the “formation stage”. Needless to say that love its self starts with a strong sexual attraction for the opposite sex – a strong sexual attraction itself can be called infatuation hence the difficulty is discerning what you feel within the first to few weeks of starting a relationship.

What I call the formation stage is that period where a man tries to discover what he feels for you or what he wants to do with you. This is the stage where if its love, he starts developing some sorta emotional attachment to you which in no time blossoms into love, while if he is just sexually interested he acts so obvious that it isn’t hard for you to tell that he is infatuated.

After about a month of being in a relationship with a man, you must be able to look out for the signs that tells u what he feels for you, is it love or infatuation? Your inner instinct will tell you.

If a man is infatuated, as a lady, you will be able to tell by accessing how he acts when you are together. Is he always looking forward to ending it in intimacy? Always wanting to ‘get it’ from you? Is that all he looks forward to each time you are together, if yes, the guy is only sexually attracted to you which in most cases is termed infatuation. This though is not the end of the world really as most guys find sexual attraction coming on strong to them before love dose. in essence, a guy sexually attracted to you can turn around and feel deep love for you in the long run. But the fear is that he may just remain infatuated and overtime just like the attraction dies a natural death and he takes off.

Love on the other hand takes a root and grows one day at a time, if a guy is in love with you, each time you are together he feel quite relaxed and always is on the look out for fun and exciting activities u can involve yourselves while you are together. He is more interested in things that affects and matters to you and how they affect you. Love they say lights up a man so much so that you really will not have to ask if he loves or loves you not.


Love and reality
Ms emotions preaches love and cant help being happy when she sees those that are genuinely in love however, reality/practicality should be the watch word when it comes to love and relationships

Sometimes we are blinded by the feeling explained above that we tend to make hasty decisions,

You want so much to be in a relationship that you don’t mind giving up your source of livelihood to be with your significant other even when you don’t have other means of survival, how practical is this? is he or she able to sustain you in the long run?

You so much want to be in a relationship with the one you claim to love that you don’t mind being with someone you know quite alright you can’t have a future together but u did rather go on hoping a miracle happens. how real are u?

You are with perhaps a man you cloth and feed with no future prospects yet you hang on so as to be in a relationship, is this practical? How long do u hope to go on with this?

A guy or a gal is presently enjoying some benefits being with you, its obvious these benefits might cease when they no longer are with u and you ask them, do u love me? Of course yes! What else do u expect? Cut off the benefits and you definitely will get the true answer.

Conclusion

All am tryin to say here is that you guard your love and always be practical in loving, take your time so that when you finally are in love it will be worth the wait.

Cheers

FLORIDA'S UPDATE ON TAGGIN

6 quirks about Ms.emmotions

Tagging …..Agrrrrrhh

I was tagged by Florida herself

Rules

Link the person who tagged you…

Mention the rules in your blog

Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...

Tag 6 bloggers by linking them

Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Here we go,

I like knowing wats going on in everybody’s love life..well those around me… u know like knowin if there is anything I can do to improve on it and blah blah..its actually a weaknesss

Ms.emmotions cant stop talking about relationship issues….nah ! she cant help it

She is very secretive…well not so very secretive ,, just like saying things only when am 100% sure about them

She is a very free person and get irritated by people with attitude problem

am most likely to converse with u in pidgin unless in a corporate environment or when I want u to know the money spent on my education by my parents wasn’t wasted …lol

I get infuriated by sloppy people, act or action….my mum thinks am impatient..really bad she says

I don’t know who to tag yet, stil thinking…..

So sorry I been away, really had some personal stuff I had to take kare of, I appreciate all of your love and most gr8ful I am.

will post something shortly

Cheers
Ms emmotions

10 DON’Ts WHEN DEALING WITH A NEW ‘CATCH’

So florida finally succeeded in taggin me, am not sure I even know what it means but will defianately do something about it, just wondering how I can be truthful while maintaining my anonymity status …..lol

So you finally have a new catch, what shouldn’t you do?

1 .Please people, the first thing you need to know is you should get rid of all those relationship advice you either have heard or read, it messes things up, so don’t number one is FORGET the relationship jargons you gathered previously or better still apply wisdom.


2. Don’t you start playing hard to get again after you ve said YES, leave yourself to enjoy the flow, laugh all you want, call when you feel like it, fart if you want, you are asked out on a date? Go if you have the time, enjoy it, feel free to tell your likes and dislikes, have Fun, and enjoy it while you have it.


3. Don’t forget that ones a person genuinely likes you and or your personality they will keep hanging around you, they disappear only when you don’t suit their need ( they may be looking for a fucc buddie….borrowed term from Soupasexy, lol)


4. Don’t appear desperate please, forget all the factors considered, let the relationship decide for itself if its has come to stay or not ( you do this by doing all what No. 2 says, the guy or gal decides if you are what they want or not and its best if they did that on time, it saves you the hassles of hanging on for unnecessary long period of time say 3month and above)


5. Don’t compromise or become overtly agreeable to things you don’t like so as to keep him or her in the early days of a relationship, you might end up having to deal with this always.


6.Don’t bare your baggage yet, you know telling how badly you been dealt with by the male or female folks? Please leave this out until the faith of the relationship is determined.


7. Don’t play dumb here, find out if this person has an existing significant other, snoop if you have to, and remember a guy or gal that cheats on a significant other to be with you will definitely cheat on you to be with another, in fact you they may want you just for distraction.


8. again, don’t play dumb, call at all possible odd times to substantiate 7 above, don’t accept the ‘ mama says no guys or gals in the house’ line, it’s a line from the ‘playing’ booklet, don’t fall for it !


9. Don’t ignore you intuition here, don’t ignore warnings from friends, if 89 people from your 100 fans is of the opinion he or she is bad , plzzzzzzzz be on your guard


10. Don’t mix it up, ones someone is right for you, you definitely will know, somehow you did feel right about them, it’s that simple, in your heart of hearts, you probably know when you are wrong or right, just might not be ready to accept it ...yet.

Cheers,
Ms.emotions

How much is too much to pay for happiness?

What price would be ‘termed too much’ to pay for happiness?

Life everyone keeps saying is too short but I never get to hear how one can make the most out of life.

I was told a story few days ago about how a young woman almost got herself killed by a conductor just because she was fighting for her right, funny how people can go any length to fight for their so called right even at the expense of their life. eye witness where of the opinion that the young woman in question indeed was fighting for her right when the conductor decided to peer her up wit some other passenger for change after paying the bus fare, but the trauma and ‘blows’ she suffered in the hands of this conductor am sure would have been more in comparison to her change, I mean when valued in monetary terms.

This is just one of the scenarios in life where you find people going any length just to establish the fact that they are right, educated, tough, or superior at the expense of their happiness.

Am going to go as usual the route of relationships and marriages, personally I don’t get it, how can we in the bid to prove our superiority forget this life is so short and enjoy it while we have it?

All these bring me to my question ‘how much is too much to pay for happiness?

Really how much is too much to pay for happiness?
Have you ever sat down to worry about how much emphasis we place on some things that are no so material after all?

A lot of married men/women these days find it easier to move out of their matrimonial home than compromise just a little,
A lot of relationships hit the rock these days just because neither of the parties is willing to take little inconvenience,
A lot of families are permanently separated now because no one is willing to come out and say am sorry, lets make peace,
A lot of people these days are perpetually unhappy because of one apology they ought to either have made or accepted in the past,

So what if you choose to be happy and take just a little inconvenience?
Will this make you a lesser person?
Will it really affect who you are now or who you turn out to be in future?
If the genuine answers to these are NO, so why not indulge a little just to be happy?


Compromise,

For us to be all round successful in life, at one point or another, we would find ourselves having to compromise however little, a relationship can not be completely successful if you don’t give or sow into it, sometimes we find that our partners are not exactly what we want them to be, more so when you begin to compare them to others, but is there really perfection anywhere I ask?

Perfection is given birth to by making seem perfect people’s imperfection, you did soon realize that by having compromised a little you are able to get the best out people and before long they begin to appear perfect to you.

The don’ts of compromise

The list is endless, so suffix it is to say, ensure you don’t compromise way to much to box yourself into a permanent corner cos if you do, you would find yourself the only one doing all the compromise, you have to balance this, at first it may not be easy to achieve but with constant ‘work’ on this, you should attain a balance in no time, the key tho is ensure you attain a balance for you both or all of you.

Regards,

Ms.emotions

GETTING OVER AN OLD FLAME SO AS TO CATCH ANOTHER FLAME!

Hey peep,
Something similar to this has been going round some of my favorite blogs, oluwadee’s Nigeriandramaqueen’s and a couple of others, so I decided to contribute my 2 cents to this.

There is no point remaining or maintaining contact with an old flame……period!

I mean, what is even the definition of an old flame?
Isn’t suppose to be someone you once felt something for or vice versa?
Once, meaning its history for one or two reasons right?
And its either they broke up with you or did…..right?
If you broke up with them, it only means there were one or two things they either were doing or not doing right or aren’t right for you generally …..Isn’t?

If they did the breaking up, it only means you either are not good enof for them or you weren’t doing something right,

Now its even worst if they cheated and you caught them or you cheated they caught you , either way, you begged they refused which makes sense to me or they begged and you refused which still makes sense to me, so wat now?

Why would you after all these keep contact with them or allow them contact you at will?

To me thats bullshit (excuse my language pls , I really try to watch it) ,
You could not stand them, why not blank them now they are history so as to catch another flame?

The truth of the matter is this,
The longer you maintain contact with them, the longer it takes you to catch another fire or if you have already, you wont seem to appreciate them, you tend to compare, tend to even miscalculate i.e, you almost feel you are cheating on ur spouse, and this may become a major problem,

I tell people this, the moment a relationship collapses, the feelings should die a natural death, otherwise you are left wit a lot of head ache to deal with,

Yes its not easy, but the idea is this, they don’t deserve you, if they did, they would have stayed / kept you or you wouldn’t have broken up with them….vice versa ….loll

Awww, anonymous gal, not too much my dear, not too much at all, you know I luv u all loads, and to you my other frds, prisca, oluwadee, guerreiranigeriana, uzezi,najichic,nija chickito, DL, jinta, james, fantasy, for the love of me, Florida, oh dear ! so many , all of you that come here, those of u that leave comments, those of u that don’t, you guys make me happy and willing to do more,


Cheers
Ms.emotions

How soon is too soon to have sex in a relationship?

So am back and here is what I ve got

From the biblical perspective, one should not have sex unless they have been joined together as husband and wife as anything outside that amounts to fornication..?

That’s from the bible teaching, but what obtains practically we all know is otherwise,
Couples these days meet and boom! they have sex ,some same day, some after a week or maybe two and most often than not such relationship crumbles even before it sees the light of the day.

Whether to have sex before marriage or not if both partners are thinking of marriage is personal to them, I mean its their decision to make, however how soon they decide to have this sex is what we are discussing here as am not about to preach on abstinence or encourage sex outside marriage.


A lot of people ve different ideas as to when its OK to have sex in a relationship, while some school believe its not really important when you choose to have sex in a relationship another school believes you shouldn’t even have sex at all until you are legally married .

That some relationship when entered into for the wrong reasons crumbles after having sex for a couple of times is no news, so then when is the right time to have sex in a relationship to make it ‘work’?

The truth of the matter is that a relationship that wont last / work cant be made to last /work by having sex either too soon or not having sex at all, however a relationship that is built on sex tends to end quicker than others especially when sex is initiated say the first few days of the relationship. A relationship should be allowed to ‘grow’ without sex as its basic foundation.

Most times sex complicates issues, you did soon realize you both are in the relationship for the wrong reasons and have no choice but to end it,
I smile when I have people approach me with the familiar line…..he used me and dumped me….not that the line itself is funny, just that you only get used when you give room to be used. True, a lot of men these days can embrace abstinence while getting their sexual gratification some other place; one should be wise when going about these things especially when you have marriage on your card otherwise please ignore this post.

Both of you should discuss what suits you, whether to abstain or indulge but I would advise you leave sex out of a relationship until you get to know each other well enof, find your interests in your partner, see if you can deal with their person or their life style, be sure you are convinced that you can handle him or her before introducing sex, sex coulds your judgment most times, that’s why you find some people being in a relationship for say one month and immediately after sex is initiated the relationship comes crashing down,

Please be guided,

Finally out,

Regards,

Ms. Emotions

QUESTION TIME

How soon is too soon to have sex in a relationship?????

I will be back

Best regards,

Ms.Emotions

How often do we jump into conclusion and how healthy is this?

Thank you all for your honest opinion/comment on the last post, most of the comment took new angles that I couldn’t help agreeing to…..mostly.
I have been away, far away to my home town and I tell you this, mr. laptop refused to function, well not exactly, I messed up my internet provider big time.

How often do we jump into conclusions and how healthy is this?

Its something we all do especially the female folks, it comes easily, little suspicions here and there and with our all-purpose judgment, we conclude and most times these conclusions of ours borders on the assumed facts we ve gathered or having been gathering which probably is or was as a result of one or two slips from our spouses, friends and even family.

Most times, circumstances make our assumptions almost right and if care is not taken we act on these false assumptions and most often than not we reject the truth even when its staring straight on into our face.

Have you ever been in a situation where you find that you have all the facts or say almost all the facts that point an accusing finger at someone?
This someone could be your friends, family or spouse?
Before you take that action of yours please take a moment and do these------

ask yourself if your assumptions are just coincidence, what if its just a play of chance?
consider all the various angles to the issue on ground
give the person a benefit of doubt
imagine yourself in the same position and what you would have done
don’t go attacking without hearing the person out , be sure of your facts, take time to reconfirm them before you take a decision


Some of the scenarios that arouse your suspicions and jump you into conclusion:

you call up your spouse…almost at odd time and or she is not picking…….killer one I tell you…lol
you were suppose to hang out or go out and he or she is no where to be found.......
you call his or her line and a stranger picks up…….
you call and the line is switch off ,..,….when it ought not
the list is endless

a thousand and one reasons may be given for the above scenarios and of course our suspicions may be CORRECT but most times they areWRONG,
Relationships and marriages greatest killer …..Suspicion.

well all am trying to say here is that we take our time in handling these kind of issues as sometimes we may just have a false alarm, take your time to hear people out without sounding suspicious and you never can tell what info they will drop….eventually for your use.

So have you ever been in a situation where you could ve sworn you were CORRECT (your suspicions) but end up being WRONG?

Share with us please?

Regards,
Ms. Emotions

Respect will always love but love will not always respect!! !

Interesting comments I got from the last post, like I had expected , opinions differs as we humans differs but on this particular issue we have to attain a common ground …its either its love or respect, like u can’t be a man and woman at the same time no matter how sweet it is being both


Every relationship and even marriage requires an ingredient that I term a must have, u know like some fashion items that we ladies call “a must have”, u don’t have it then u don’t belong to the ‘us’ club so also is this ingredient and like I have always said any and every thing I mention here on this blog dose not and will never be the only key to a successful relationship however, its role in enhancing the relationship can never be over emphasized.


RESPECT is the must have in every relationship, what you all forgot was that respect is never earned without an atom of love in the content, no matter how small it is, no man or woman will respect you as an individual if they don’t have an atom of love for you, while love they say conquers all Respect holds up the forth,


What happens when love has conquered all, I mean what happens afterwards? The unifying factor I mean?


At first, love makes all things seem perfect, after a while those imperfection that were covered by love begins to manifest itself and only respect at this point in time will keep you both together. Love is a gentle feeling, its comes with natural powers that makes you feel special, you feel loved and cherished, it makes you a happier person but it never make imperfections perfect, after the thrilling effect of love wears out, those things about your partner you had hither to refused to acknowledge comes hunting you, to some extent the burning fire of your love dimes, and if respect is absent in such a relationship, it is only a matter of time before it packs up.


A man or woman can never respect his or her partner without an element of likeness or even love, you cant respect who you can,t develop love for, its in the act of respect that you appreciate people better, you begin to like them and even fall for them in the long run.


How do you explain the fact that a man, who claims to love his wife dearly, raises his hands at the slightest provocation to hit her? This man feels genuine love for his wife no doubt but what he lacks is respect, no man that has respect for his wife will raise his hands on that woman or another woman for that matter because by virtue of his respect for her, he has developed same for women generally.


Respect will always love but love will not always respect, some people are fortunate to have it the other way round, a partner that loves them and has some little respect for them but this is not applicable to all. mostly respect will always come in form of caring, its respect that makes a man even if promiscuous hide his activities from his woman whereas a woman can actually love a man and have the impetus to bring another man to the house to have sex, she tells you its just for the fun of it, nothing attached, and really there may be nothing attached to that action of hers and she may not even realize it will hurt her man when he finds out because she never had respect for him.


When you respect people, you respect all they want, you respect their feelings, you respect their views, you respect their actions, and you respect what they call their dos and don’ts, in the process of which you come to love them, while on the other hand you can love and not be able to respect them, not because you don’t want to but because you don’t know how to, at the early stage this may go unnoticed but when love dimes as I hate to say it dies because I don’t believe it dose, those things you fail to notice, will begin to matter a lot and if care is not taken, may end up destroying the relationship.

So here we are, it’s always …………RESPECT it’s the unifying factor,


Cheers all

OUESTION TIME

Hey people,

I have something I have been meaning to discuss here or should I say …….share with you all but first, am asking for your opinions and views , so please feel free to air your view without inhibition or whatsoever on this matter.


Here it goes


WHAT WOULD YOU DESIRE MOST FROM YOUR PARTNER \ IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ………….


LOVE OR RESPECT?????????


Put on your thinking hat and let’s hear from you,


Do come back 2weeks from now for a mind blowing revelation.


Best regards,


Ms, Emotions

The power of ……..Tradition

Val has come and gone, hope you all had loads of fun with ya friends, family, spouses et al?
So, in the spirit of val, who got shagged? Proposed to? Proposed? Hooked? Dumped? hehehe

Ok, ok, let’s drop that and do something serious here.


A lot of people don’t know that doing things in a particular way, at a particular time, in a particular fashion, with a particular expression can do a lot to relationships and marriages.

Some people call them routine things, I call them tradition….in fact I call them keeping tradition.
Has someone ever done something so spontaneously that you begin to be on the look out for repetition of such actions?

Let’s go back to the earliest days of marriages and relationships, relationships they say are sweeter when they are new, have you asked yourself one the things that makes a relationship more interesting, engaging and exciting than the later days of a relationship/marriages?

There are some things we find ourselves doing when we are either newly married or in a new relationship. If you note properly, there is continuity in such thing for say the first few weeks or there about after which unconsciously we begin to drop them. A relationship is headed for the rocks the moment you become complacent, you will have a lot more on your hands the moment you become comfy with what you have achieved so far.

There is power in keeping tradition, such traditions when properly developed becomes a thing to look forward to, it becomes an action or activity depending on what it is that we subconsciously look forward to and crave.

Phone calls

Have you ever heard of the line, doing small things in a big way?
So it is with phone calls in relationships and marriages,
Do you know that calling your spouse at a particular time in a day, making a tradition out of it, makes him or her always look forward to that call or those calls?
It’s not really about calling randomly; it has to do with making a tradition out of such calls. You call him or her up randomly say two or three times in a day, fine, when such calls is reduced, he or she may not even notice due to the randomness of your calls. But should you make one out of such calls a tradition, i.e. you call for like a week at exactly 8am, any day you do not make this routine call, your spouse if connected to you would be put on enquiry.
The beautiful thing about this routine call biz is it strays your spouse’s thoughts unconsciously to you and you know what this means right?

Light kisses / hugs

Newly weds have it in their heads to always welcome their man home at least for the first few weeks of marriages with light kisses and hugs after which this is discarded. Do you know that making a tradition out of this little action of yours can go along way to bring you guys closer? I mean, it becomes an action your spouse looks forward to each day, it becomes an action that when it’s not done or carried out makes your spouse begin to wonder if something was wrong?


Pet names

Of course we all have pet names for our spouses. A lot of couples in the heat of arguments or fights drop the pet name thing and go neutral. This is something that should not be encouraged at all, when you adopt a pet name for your spouse, you make a tradition out of it, ensure it becomes not just a tradition but one you intend to keep no matter the ups or downs. A pet name shouldn’t be used only when you are in the mood to, it should be like a second name for your spouse reserved just for your use.


The power of tradition…..

Darlyn, you didn’t call me when you usually do today, I waited for you to call and when I didn’t hear from you, I became worried and decided to call, are you ok?

Darlyn, no kisses nor hugs for me today is everything ok with you?

Stanley / blessing? are you ok darlyn? I can’t remember when last you called me by my name, is everything ok with you?

These are some reactions to be expected when a real tradition is broken or deviated from. Making tradition out of your little actions brings you and your spouse closer; it enhances communication which is the key to any successful marriage or relationship. These are little things we tend over look especially when not properly initiated into a relationship. Keeping tradition is like developing a bad habit, you have to nurture it, build and develop it, ensure continuity and good timing, make sure you partner understands that its meant to be a tradition by its continuity.

Initiating tradition where there use to be none may take a little work, you may have to put in about 2-3 weeks into it before you begin to reap from it, depending how close both of you are. There are no little things these days, a lot of factors determines the success or otherwise of a relationship.



There are just so many little things that one can make a tradition of, morning kisses, goodbye hugs, a shared joke, ensure you do at least one thing to make your partner smile or laugh in a day, little things you may think they are, but they are very potent for developing your love life especially when the excitement has worn off,

Cheerio

Will you marry me????????

Overview

In this part of our world, the question – will you marry me? Is seen as a man’s duty, it’s a question that’s basically reserved for the male folks. It’s almost a taboo for a woman to propose to a man in Africa. The general idea is that a man proposes to a woman after he has convinced himself that she is a wife material. A woman on her part waits patiently for the man to pop the question – marry me please, it is believed that it dose not really matter if the woman is sure that the man will make a good husband, her opinion in this issue is seen as irrelevant hence the need to remain silent until the man either decides to make an honest woman of her or throw her out ….eventually.
Most women find themselves in a relationship that’s stagnant, they personally are aware that such relationship should be packed up but because of what they believe to be a ticking biological clock from certain age they stay put waiting, hoping for the man to pop the question that is if he ever dose at his own convenience.
A stagnant relationship is that which has out lived its usefulness, it is seen to remain at a particular level which due to some circumstances it can not cross.


From a man’s point of view

a man surely knows what he wants from a woman before he approaches her in the first instance, if a man is financially ok, with a good job, home and has attained a particular age usually from 30’s, he is deemed fit and ready to make a home. In some cases this maybe true but in some cases again this may not be so. Most men would prefer to settle down after seeing all the good things life has to offer in terms of women, all around the world, buzz etc. those men that falls within the first category would generally be looking and searching for a wife material to make a home but while searching for the wife material, they tend to chill with any available woman until they find what they are looking for. Most women unknown to them, are filling a temporary vacancy while the search continues for the men, the reason they remain in an undefined relationship for so long a time it takes the man to find his perfect match and then the question he has refused to ask all these while comes out – will you marry me?

My view

A woman should not necessarily propose to a man especially with the African setting and all but there indeed are subtle ways to go about these things at least to ascertain if you are not being used to fill a temporary position. When a woman is with a matured man (he is made and ready) for 1-2years and he is not making moves to formally introduce you to his folks neither is he interested in getting close to yours, this should put you on enquiry albeit in a subtly way – dear, when am I formally meeting your folks, am wondering what they look like? Dear, isn’t time for you to come home and at least see and know where mine are? From his reaction and responds to these questions you should be able to tell where you stand, am told that asking a man – will you marry me or not? It puts them at alert. Look for subtle ways to know what he really wants from you is he always talking of the future with you or he singles himself out? It’s very important. If he dose not seem ready to include you in his future plans, please pack him up, forget the ticking clock, wait for yours, he will surely come. Put your sensuality to good use, get a complete make over if you have to, just wait……and be happy while yours comes.

From a woman’s point of view

A woman knows a man she can settle down with, when a woman is ripe to make a home she is always anxious to settle down with the one she loves. It is uncommon for a woman to turn down a marriage proposal, it may not be an outright No, it may come in the form of – common dear, there really is no rush for this now, or in any other form of excuse, when as a man you hear these excuses, plus she has refused or in subtle manner told you you are not welcomed in their home – mummy will not permit male visitors and all that , as a man please find out if you are a temporary fixture in her life while she searches for her real man. Be subtle, it’s very important. If she turns you down once more, please refuse to be used temporarily, pack her up, you are a guy, act as such for pets sake! Get a grip and move on, search for yours for you will find her.

Conclusion

There really is no point hanging around a woman or a man that only wants you to fill a temporary gap while the search for the real one is on, you can save yourself the eventual pain and move on. Isn’t it better to be single for you better half to see and meet with you than to have a temporary fixture occupy your space?
When both parties in a relationship are matured enough, there really is no reason to be in a relationship for say 4-5years before ascertaining if you are meant for each other except of course you are both waiting for the right persons to propose to or accept their proposal.
Ciao
PS, many thanx for all your comments, work wont allow me post individual replies and am usually very useless by time I get home at night, please bear with me but be sure I read every one of them comments and appreciate them…..lol

How much should you tell your girlfriend?

Am going to be very brief and precise cos we all know what am talking about…….

It has never happened to me, maybe because naturally am a bit secretive, but I know a lot of us girls have fallen victim.
Men are different some girls will say, I prefer to have a guy friend instead of a girlfriend। I do not have a close girlfriend others will say, but give me guy any day then am ok.

When you dig deep you did realize that most of these gals have been burnt by their so called friends and friendship। I belong to the school that preaches that you should guard your love jealously। I do not mean this as an offence to anybody, some gals can be vicious, they love only that which belongs to another, to them, it’s better and sweeter to go for your man first and then remember friendship later.


You take the mushy little details of your love life to them who are almost in a sour relationship and expect to get an applause from them?


I as a person appreciate my girlfriends, in fact I enjoy my friendship with them, but to me I have an unspoken agreement with my friends, yea, we don’t talk about it because we really don’t need to, the line is there, drawn deep into the sand, not made obvious, but with little hints, I tell you to mind your business when it comes to giving those details I feel are too personal in my love life।


Some may call it being too secretive others may see it as being paranoid, but the fact still remains that am able to keep my sanity। Yes, you get to keep your sanity; you are excused from having to worry your head about what your man dose or will do with your gal friend behind your back.


These things happens all the time, a best friend taking her friend’s man, a man getting married to an ex’s friend and all that, it would have meant nothing if both had met on a neutral ground, not through you, I think it hurts more when you realize that your friend got your man because you gave her a helping hand by divulging those sensitive information and details


Having a close friend (gal) that you tell everything is not the problem, telling her everything that happens between you and your man isn’t really the problem, how she handles this information is what the real problem is। Why not save yourself the headache of trying to figure that out by keeping a little for your use when giving your friend or friends your love gist?


I heard somewhere sometime ago that women when it comes to relationships and love are goal oriented; they possess a sleeping power of displacement.
Yes I call it sleeping because most of us don’t even know we possess such powers not until we find out that we have need for it।


How much should you tell?


Don’t tell your friend what will make her get thirsty for you man, some friends are really good but some can be vicious and use whatever information you share against you, some may even go for the killer – take your man from you।


Ciao

What constitutes cheating in a relationship?...........most times women cheat too

Indeed this is a controversial topic hence the need for my in-depth research to familiarize myself with what cheating itself is all about.

Cheating is the Violation of Exclusivity, Physical and Emotional that binds those in a Committed Relationship
There is some controversy as to that which constitutes "cheating" in a marriage or other committed relationship.

I think I was a bit myopic when I summed up and asked the question ….can men be faithful in relationships? that I have chosen to correct this so as to properly deliver this topic of mine, now I ask …..Are those in committed relationships always faithful even when they are apart from each other?
One cheats when one shares intimacy with the non-partner and violates the quality of exclusivity.

Staying faithful is indeed a personal decision that has to be taken by an individual, male or female, its also dependent on the kind of relationship it is you are in, some people in the early stage of their relationship agree to go ‘monogamous’ or ‘polygamous’ as the case maybe.

In the above context, am going to answer the question I posed in my last post…. if my friend’s boy friend had agreed with my friend to go polygamous while away, he definitely isn’t cheating on my friend by having sex with other women, but if their relationship was agreed to be exclusive, then he really has been cheating on his girlfriend.

I try to be very realistic in all I do and I say, which brings me back to the same tots I had when I put up the last post. My friend’s boyfriend most definitely has not been without a woman for 11months 16 days now, no matter how emotional we get here, he definitely has been with a woman, this was confirmed even by his own gf, she obviously dose not believe he has been celibate since then, what matters now is this….now that they are engaged, he is expected to be faithful as the announcement of their engagement has implied that they have moved to another level were utmost exclusivity has to come into play.
Different women have a different view as to what constitutes ‘cheating’. For some women, for the man simply to look at another woman may be regarded as cheating, for other women it is being intimate with another person that constitutes ‘cheating, and there are some women who appear able to accept flirting and even intimacy with another person but it is an emotional involvement that constitutes ‘cheating’ – Douglas woods.
Cheating is usually a symptom of an unhealthy relationship। It destroys friendships, breaks trust, and causes guilt, anger, hurt and many other negative emotions। Cheating in relationships is not going to last. People know all these facts, but still go on cheating others.


There are several reasons why cheating, adultery, infidelity and extra marital affairs often occur in many relationships. People are complicated and appearances can be deceptive. Cheating in relationships depends upon several factors. One important factor is the choice of a partner or spouse. If the choice is not in line with what they require or wish, or with what their partner can give them, there is a chance of cheating.
Ciao

Making love…….fucking…….sex…… are men always faithful?

Common darlyn, it meant nothing……. I was just looking that’s all…….ok ! I fucked her, but it was just sex!!! Nothing more…look, I just had a fling, it didn’t mean anything really …there were no strings attached, its you am in love with darlyn.


On my way home from work on Friday, I was thinking, didn’t even know I was thinking aloud, muttering to my self all the way home. My line of thoughts was ‘can men be entirely faithful?’. Please don’t get me wrong here, not faithful in love, I know for a fact that, a man can love you faithfully, you know, staying in love with you for real.

What I mean by being faithful is, can a man maintain a sex partner for a long time without wanting to sample another especially if his partner is away for a while?
Hmmmm, all these thoughts were running riot in my head that evening. It then occurred to me that something must have triggered this tot, I flashed back to that same Friday afternoon, my gal friend had called to intimate me of her engagement/ introduction rites that is coming up during the Easter period, oh ! I was indeed happy for her. Her bf has been away abroad for almost a year now, for his masters program. It got me thinking, this guy sure loves this gal, but all these months, has he been without a woman? If nothing just to satisfy his sexual urge? I knew right there and then that I must be the biggest joker in town.

Several names has been created for this action of theirs, they call it a fling, just sex, fucking or nothing at all. Please don’t get me wrong, am not sanctioning this action of theirs, am just not being ignorant of that fact



Is it possible that my friend’s bf abroad for say, 11months has been without a woman? If No is this cheating on his gf/fiancée?

Let’s hear from you all, especially the male folks, educate us on this with all your comments please………Hugs****

forgiveness

Sometimes I wonder which is easier to do, to forgive on the spot or trying to prolong it. Dose it really matter how long it takes you to forgive people when they wrong you? Dose keeping your forgiveness from such people for a long time make them more remorseful?

I can’t comprehend it, I mean; I look around me I find people carrying so many loads on their shoulders all in the name of prolonged forgiveness. I simply can’t understand why it takes some people so long to forgive others when wronged. I take a little survey around me, I ask questions, and I get almost same answer – I have sworn never to forgive him/her for what he/she did to me.

The seed of hatred is planted at the point you were offended, this seed if not checked by forgiving whoever it was that offended right on time germinates, it grows as the days pass by. This plant is being watered by your resolve not to forgive. It takes its root and grows into a mighty tree.
Now, which is easier? Digging out this seed right about when it was planted or when it has grown into a large tree? Do you know how long it will take you to fell this tree of hatred, search and cut off its root in other for it not to grow again?

Some people simply can’t forgive, I mean it’s not in them to forgive and truth be told, you can’t blame them. Forgiveness itself is like a school, you have to be tutored in it, undergo its training and then graduate. I really do not blame people who are unable to forgive, rather I kind of pity them, you know, them having to cope with some much load on their shoulder, so much anger and hatred rather than forgiving.

I guess am in my own world, in my world I feel forgiveness should be given right on spot, it makes things easier, I simply do not believe in procrastinating, it doesn’t make the offender more remorseful or anything, rather it puts you in an uncomfortable position. I believe so much in forgiveness, I also know that its hard to do depending on the gravity of the offence, but I plead with you all never to procrastinate, I mean it may be difficult to forgive on the spot but in all it should not be dragged. Some times I think I give my forgiveness to soon, I wonder if it’s a weakness, but sometimes I find myself not really caring if it’s too soon so long it keeps me happy, gosh! This life is just too short for such stress, forgive people as fast as you can and leave them with their conscience and go on being happy. It makes sense that way or so I think.

It’s even more important in our relationships, it’s nicer to forgive and make up right there and then than to go days before settling your differences.
Please make this a rule if you want, never go to bed without making up with your loved ones when they offend you.

Bottom line of these entire gists is …..

Try as much as possible to forgive people who offends you almost on the spot, its easier that way.
Have an open mind about issues; always remember that you may find yourself in dire need of someone’s forgiveness someday.
In a relationship, forgiveness on the spot is most advisable as it keeps you two together.

Regards my friends

act the bitch .............

I want to thank you all that finds time amidst your tight schedule to read thru and leave comments on my posts, though I may not find time to post individual replies but I want you all to know that you are highly appreciated.



This post is strictly for the gals this time, I know I have also got male readers, please just bear with us ladies this time around. That is not to say you can’t read and leave your comments tho.

Act the bitch simply means act as if you don’t give a care, act as if it dose not matter weather he stays or not, act as if you don’t have any care in the world while showing love.

As Africans there is this good girl lines that most women try to work at. You try to be the perfect girlfriend to your man, too scared to go against his numerous wishes and acting out his fantasies for real.
Dancing to a man’s every wish dose not make you keep his attentions neither dose it make him love you more rather it lowers the respect he has for you and you will only become a bore in a matter of time.


Acting the bitch actually works better in the early days of your dating him, you know those times when you are not sure what he wants, if he is staying or wants to sample and go? Yes those are the most effective periods to act the bitch.
Always have it at the back of your mind that because a man asked you out or for a relationship dose not mean he wants one. I mean how else is he supposed to get close to you other than by giving you the ‘desired’ line.

Having noted that, its now up to you to strategize on how to keep him (that’s if he is worth keeping) after the first few weeks I mean after the initial passion or infatuation wears off. This is were acting the bitch comes in again, at this point be careful how you process this information as it may work for or against you especially when misused.
After the initial infatuation wears off you are faced with the issue of keeping his attention and making it work. Keeping a relationship after the first few months especially after the passion has been spent is a little bit difficult, you find that both of you wants excitement, something to encourage you to stay and when this is not happening a relationship goes bad.
In as much as you dance to your man’s every whims, you grant him less challenges, granting him less challenges makes him believe he has conquered and having believed he has conquered, he searches for adventures and challenges elsewhere.

Now, there is nothing wrong with your granting your man some of his wishes sometimes, its how many times you grant him such wishes that matters. If you grant a man his fantasies too many times, he tends to take you for granted.

I must say there is a prerequisite for acting the bitch, for you to act as if you don’t care what your man dose in his spare times, for you not to be jumpy as regards who calls him or who he calls, for you take time off even when you are suppose hang out with him to see your friends or do some other things of interests that those not include him and then come back to him with details of a well spent day and then make excuses for your absence, for you to encourage him when he chooses to hang out with friends instead of you which is practically what acting the bitch is all about, you must very comfortable in your own skin and be able to take charge of your life.

True some men are scared of women that have a life but the real men respect and run after them. Some men call them bitches while most men run after these bitches who in the real sense are complete women.
Its nice to alternate being the good girl and the bitch just to keep their attention, you know stir the pot once in while and keep the excitement going.

Personally I don’t read relationship books because they all say the same thing, I research, surf the net, add whatever I find to what I see happen around me and my personal principles then I get my ideas, am only trying to say your objective criticism and improvement if any is always welcomed.

Cheers.

knowing when to let go.........

It indeed was a tough struggle; it almost became an obsession, a need to make it work. I felt I could make things better through my own effort alone, oh! How I had this desire to make it work, each nite had me thinking of what I would do should it all come to an end.

I didn’t mind compromising my standard, principles and belief, it became a battle in which losing wasn’t considered an option. I became a shadow of myself, a living corpse, I was fading gradually yet I wasn’t bothered, my only concern was to win the battle at hand.

I made all the sacrifice there was to be made, I made all the calls, I had to swallow by pride and flush it down my throat all in the struggle to keep the man I thought I would die should he end the relationship !

I felt this relationship was made in heaven, oh! How i relished the little attention he throws my way each time he deemed it fit to do so. It was at this time that I made my close friends and associates my confidante, it was I that was always seeking advice for my non existent and anonymous friend, it became an obsession instead of love, I fell out of love with him without knowing, the love I felt was replaced by an obsession to have him to myself in the course of which I suffered dearly.

I was always looking for avenues and opportunities to bring up relationship questions, I went in search of relationship books and it was at this time that I realized that most of those books are filled with unrealistic ways of getting a man to love you. I was always first to ask – is anything wrong with me being the one to call my boyfriend? It’s okay to compromise a lot because you are in love right? Always too anxious to pose the question, how healthy it is to call up your man every now and then because he claims he dose not have the money or time to buy a recharge card? And somehow I managed to get an answer that suits me, the answers I always wanted to get, yes its okay, yes there is nothing wrong with it and all that.
This is the same guy that comes to tell me how low on cash he was at the moment because he was trying to complete his structure (building) within a given time frame; it’s the same guy that tells you how he has spent all his up front allowance to buy a new car. I began to wonder if indeed something was wrong with me, I actually drew conclusion that something was wrong with me or if not why can’t this guy spare some few nairas to recharge his phone so he can call me let alone buy me gifts?. Its seem to be impossible to call my man and have him pick up at odd hours because he never was ‘around’ his phones, I could never get him on his mobile phones some days or weekends because he was either too busy or had to leave town on official trip on short notice. I go to visit him and he instructs me not to wonder far from the house because his uncle lived close by? Wasn’t it crazy? But really its true, its this same my man that goes to see his uncle who leaves close by while I remain at home because its rude to take me along on his numerous visits to his uncles, why don’t u wait till we do a proper introduction?

How I longed for him to pick up his phone and call me at least once in two days, how I longed for him to pick up my calls when I called him at odd hours, how I longed for him to call me those days that I refused calling because I was getting tired of being the one to always call. It dawned on me that I was struggling to keep that relationship, I was practically carrying it on my head to avoid the inevitable end, this man that can’t waste his time returning my calls when my credit goes off amid discussion surely uses his time and credits on someone he wants and loves and surely that person wasn’t me.

When the end finally came through no fault of mine, I wept like a baby, I begged, I cajoled, I threatened, I pleaded, oh how I always cried myself to sleep for the first one week. The most painful part of it all was that this man won’t or couldn’t tell me what I had done to make him dump me.

But I moved on with my life with a big determination to be happy, I threw myself into my studies, I read like I had never done before, I took part in all social activities just to ‘forget’, my job became my companion, the bible my regular novel. I purged my mind with all the positive reasons I had to let go of the ‘past’ and be happy. It was at this time that I created a new identity for myself, I developed a new attitude to life, I became a “ if he can’t do all the running and struggling then he is not ready to have me” kind of person, I realized and then tutored myself to always hold back something for myself, I told myself I wasn’t going to give more than 30% in any relationship until the man gives 70% and then I can begin to chip more in until it attains a 50 : 50 balance on the scale.

Now that I had let go, I met an angel for a man, a man that worships the very floor I step on, a man that didn’t stop calling me after the first few weeks of the relationship, a man that didn’t see anything wrong in my calling at 12am or him calling a 3am to wake me to read for my exams, a man that isn’t tired to tell me how much he loves me, a man that displays me like his prized possession before his family. I began to think what it would have cost me had I not let go of that brute I called my boyfriend, it began to dawn on me that the longer I held on to that mess of a relationship I was in, the longer it would have taken me to meet this angel.
It’s now that I know what fun it is to be called up at odd hours by your love just to be appreciated and to have him call every now and then just to find out how I was doing.

Please, this piece was lifted from my diary, I can’t remember if it was I who found myself in that position, my friend or friend(s), or an acquaintance ( winks, I guess its my little secret ), but believe me its real and a lot of us find ourselves in such situation at one point or the other, men can also find themselves in this kind of situation where they have to struggle to keep a woman they believe means the world to them, a woman they believe they can’t have a normal life without.

The magic and only solution for this, is to let go, because its only when u do that u can meet that someone better, someone that will give u a new perception of the word love.
This should be applied in every areas of our lives, when you have struggled too much for something or someone, when u have worked to too hard for something and yet it refuses to yield positive result , please let go for something better to come into your life.

Watch out for my next post ACT THE BITCH and watch him run after you.

may 2008 led you to your utmost desires

Regards Ms. Emotions